Teenagers on the spectrum hating authority

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My son whom I am probably years behind understanding, I know this is an average teenage difficulty but now is beginning to resent the police or any person whom he see's as an authority figure.

For teenagers on the spectrum how do you curb this?

We don't all hate authority, but we often have little respect or care for people who haven't earned it for us personally.

I don't dispute the respect argument, just wondering if at times its about communication differences.

Has a police officer or any other authority figure actually done anything to him yet? I resented authority outwardly when I was a kid, but actually I was law abiding and didn't get into any trouble. Is he doing stuff or just spouting off to get a reaction from you?

He has not come to the attention of the police but seems to have taken a strong dislike to anyone in authority, as I said it could just the teenage years or he is misinterpreting social cues

Rax hit the nail on the head I think, or at least from my experience.

I disliked cops, most teachers, anyone who was in a position to tell me what to do and make me do it. I mainly resented them because some of the time the things they would want me to do made no sense. I also hated the fact that everybody said I had to respect them, when they haven't ever earned respect from me.

I could have dealt with being told to be polite, but being told I had to respect them seemed like an intrusion on my personal feelings. Even back in grade school I was like that. One teacher that I had, Mrs W was just horrible. I couldn't stand her. I never gave her trouble except for the fat that I would stand up at my desk without realizing it. She "talked to me" about it one day and apparantly I gave her the wrong answer and she got upset and said "You WILL respect me!" I said something along the lines of "Well, when you earn it, sure". That did not go over well.

my teens have trouble grasping why an authority figure needs to be treated with more respect than anyone else. This becomes an issue at school. If a teacher "speaks down" to a student (at least in their assessment of the situation), they are well within their right to answer the teacher accordingly. It was also an issue at home, and I need to stop and explain why what they said was in-appropriate. Even after an explanation, they have trouble grasping it.

When I was a teenager and when I was also younger, I resented authority [still do to an extent] because they harmed me. I was a heavily bullied child when I was a kid. And teachers said they were on my side, they lied they believed the bullies over one kid. The police, one time I get punched in the face with a bloody nose and broken tooth and I didn't hit the person who hit me back and the police said they didn't know who was lying. On forums there aren't very autistic friendly and I find mods and admins who abuse their powers to protect their friends. I decided a long time ago I wouldn't believe in authority to help me. I believed authority has nothing to help me with. Certainly, I don't go out purposely to break rules. But I don't want their assistance either.

"When I fight authority, authority always wins....."

I had a horrible time with authority as a kid and I became extremely resentful of authorities. I don't mean to break the rules, but I would constantly be suspended for disrespecting teachers and school administration, often without meaning. I still don't understand how I was being disrespectful in many of the cases.

And other people never understood that I didn't understand I was being disrespectful.

That describes my 12yo. He's not yet a teen, but he's one that doesn't give you time of day if you haven't earned his respect. For him, it usually means you just don't exist in his view. He does ok with most teachers now, even if he doesn't really respect them, but it's taken some time, and I've had to contextualize it into the reasons he needs to respect teachers. He values education, and he goes to school to learn, so trying to help him realize that he needed to respect teachers (in the sense that he follows what they say and listens to them) because they contribute to this goal he has helps, but he still sometimes pushes back against homework he finds useless.

It's all about HOW in reference to communication. I always had more respect for those that treated me as an individual.
It's a fine line though. It's more to do with trusting gut instincts over reason.
Not that I knew that at the time but I became a pretty good judge of wether someone was trustworthy.
Other times I would not budge and only those that unequivocally believed in me and were still there after the melt downs stopped me from hating authority alltogether.
I've lost respect for authority over the years though. Beyond raising DD and stopping my cats from getting up to misschief I have little need to be authoritive.
Too many forget they are dealing with an individual that has his/her own hopes, dreams and desires and treat the individual as another number. Only the few will bend the rules within their abilities to help really make a difference to the individual.
Authority is a socially acceptable personality disorder perpetuated by those with an innate need

I was seen as disrespectful as a kid and my "disrespect" was me reading in class or falling asleep while the other kids would toss things and make funny faces at the teacher whenever she turned her back and the staff glossed over that and made a big deal out of what I did saying I was disrespectful. I can remember my mom asking me about me being disrespectful at school and I didn't know what she was talking about and she told me the teachers told her I am at school and I argued saying I was not and I didn't know why they are saying I am. My mom decided to have me be recorded in class so she can figure it out and that is what she saw.

I never had problem with authority, I just had problems with injustice. But yet my report cards say I didn't follow them. I am not sure why it says that. Could it have been the hidden curriculum or my lack of understanding? I also know one of the reasons was because I was confused about what the rules were because they were not enforced so kids got away with it but yet they were enforced for me which was so confusing and discriminating. Somehow the rules didn't apply to them and I had issues with that.

I was raised to treat everyone with respect until the person proves they don't deserve it. I think this is how it should be.

Sometimes I think we should eliminate the word "disrespectful" from our vocabulary. I have worked with parents (background in communication and counseling) and find it is a word we use way too much. When we use it we might mean that our child is not obeying us (immediately), not answering or behaving according to a social code, not accepting the fact that different classes / groups are supposed to be treated differently, not complying with (often unspoken or unclear) rules, not speaking or acting a certain way just to get approval or avoid punishment, not showing gratitude for things that should be expected (parents are supposed to look after kids; teachers are supposed to be polite and fair), or not acting afraid. Some of the ways we expect kids to show respect are the same things that make kids victims of bullies or abusers.

When I was growing up, most of the people I was supposed to respect (teachers, ministers, leaders) in my own circle were good and kind people. It was easy for me to grow up thinking and acting politely. I actually wanted to learn what they had to teach me, and admired some of my role models deeply. I still do. I have also realized that there are a lot of people in roles of authority that are unfair, arrogant and just plain mean. I do not want my kids to think their behaviour is right in any way. On the other hand, I think being civil to everybody, from the homeless on the street to the Queen of England, is the correct default. Until they harm me or my kids, I will treat them as people of value. When they hurt us, I will still believe they are basically good and capable of change, but do not need to comply with their (immoral) expectations.

I would suggest two things. One is to work on the pragmatic side of rules: learning rules of politeness and social codes often makes it easier to achieve your own goals. The other is to talk about the more philosophical side of the value of people. (I thought it would be difficult to discuss abstract ideas with my DD, but it turns out she loves this kind of reasoning: Are people basically good or bad? Why do people do bad things? etc.)

J.

I had this same issue as a teen. What really got to me was being told, "Don't you talk back to me." The unfairness of being told that they were allowed to talk to me however they wanted and I wasn't allowed to talk back was insupportable. I guess I grew out of it, and I actually kind of miss the feisty me that didn't take crap from anyone.

My husband developed a code to use with our son -- "roll with it" -- that means, "I know this seems stupid to you right now, but it's a rule you really have to follow and we can talk about why later." Of course, that's only helpful when my husband or I is there.