Do female aspies have an easier life in society?

Post Reply New Topic

I've read much literature on female aspies, read thru much opinions about the topics but I still have a hard time seeing the real life side of people overlooking girls on the spectrum. What do they read the behaviors as? When women commonly mimic and camouflage there behaviors, how? I don't do it so its hard to imagine. I want to actually meet and talk to an aspie female who camouflages her behavior. Much of the female behavior revolves around skilled social interaction. Its so easy to be excluded if you present behavior that is off. When I went to an all girls school in 3rd grade, I was quickly excluded and thats when I ended up in counseling. To think back, I stood out more because the teachers had much more experience knowing how little girls acted. They knew when something was "off".

From what I gather, the male social scene is more revolved around interests. Would you rather be in a social scene that is more revolved around emotions and empathy you can't comprehend. Women seek company from each other in attempts to connect with each other emotionally and empathize with people. That's the very thing that aspies are not good at. Like someone else said, the female social scene is ALL social. While women can from an outsiders perspective seem all nice, sweet and accepting. But they can be subtlety cruel, and scrutinize every little thing. The thing about female socializing, its all about subtleties which aspies have a hard time recognizing. Women can be cruel to each other.

Ok well what about if your single and don't even have a part time job and aren't going to college or anything?

Also sure sports are not the most typical female intrest but if you're a female who's not intrested in say hair products, make-up and shopping or being 'one of the girls' you get ostracized by typical females......at least thats been my experiance. Also though it all depends on who's in your social circle....not all males are into sports some are more intrested in music for instance. Kinda like there are females like me who don't really wear make up, hate shopping and does not spend an hour on my hair every morning. same goes for the teasing girls say all kinds of screwed up sh*t to each other in good fun and a female with aspergers can easily take it too personally.

Personally I believe it would be just wise if everyone here, let them be men or women, would just assume they don't know enough about the lives of the opposite gender to make judgments, and leave it there.

I see female Aspies greatly outnumber males here with their opinion that males must have it easier. This is a false impression of the reality.

When I read some of those posts I felt my difficulties and feelings had been dismissed, just like the posted opinions on the males side (granted, partly fairly). My eyes have become misty.

Ostracized? I've been ostracized since I was 8. I've come to terms with it.

You can't imagine how it can hurt (for a male!) not having an own family (mate, kids). (You can perhaps imagine how can it hurt for a female, see my first paragraph).

This topic shouldn't have come up again.

No autistics have it easy. That should never have been communicated. But, some autistic people have it easier than others, not necessarily because of circumstances under their control, but because of circumstances surrounding them. For example, the fact that my family is willing to give me a place to live when I am unable to support myself or live on my own without assistance - there are autistic people who have it worse than I do - men who have it worse than I do. That's not what I was trying to say, which was:

All else being equal, men deal with less societal garbage than women. Other factors play roles in this such as social class, race, disability, being gay, being transgender, etc.

And I'd like to point out how completely sick and tired I am of reading how women have it easier because the only thing that apparently matters to women is catching a man, getting married, and staying at home full time doing nothing (apparently housework doesn't really count as work).

It would be nice if this topic didn't come up, or if people didn't define "better" or "worse" based on narrow perspectives that only take what they want and think others have into account.

I never base debate points on personal experience, I base them always on statistics, reports and case studies, on professional theory and books, not my ho-hum insights.

And do not speak down to me like that, it makes you look condescending and makes me feel somewhat upset.

I really do hope that when I'm 39 that I don't believe my opinion suddenly carries more weight, that you believe personal experience is more important then statistical knowledge shows that maybe you should study formal logic.

You should also note that verdandi didn't talk down to me or write me off because I didn't have experience.

I suppose if I'd given a truthful location and said I were Irish you'd use that to discredit the information I came up with too? Ireland being a bastion of sexism in Western Europe matched only be it's neighbors.

Attack the debate points, not the person who puts them forth, that who I am mattered more to you then what I said is telling and insulting, it's ageism.

Last edited by Phonic on 04 Jan 2012, 10:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

It seems female aspies face all the troubles of the modern world… the need to look pretty, be social, not wanting to be taken advantage of…

And more importantly a point that I am ashamed of myself not to think of, the pressure to be a good mum.

Socially speaking women and men both have it difficult in their lives… and let us be forgiving of not knowing the difficulties/expectations that each gender face - that being an aspie, has made it more difficult for her/him.

Women and children are generally more protected within a group, whether humans, buffalo, rodents or ducks

The legal system, marriage law and police are generally kinder to women

As carriers of the future population, special rights are ascribed.

Men too, when becoming fathers, are then assigned a higher status than bachelor

However, it being a 'mans world' must be annoying to woman's sensibilities.... to say the least

I used to masquerade quite a lot, but recently I have adapted to the socially troubled professor image which is quite close to the truth. A few people know I'm autistic and somehow now they, nt females, think being autistic is cool.
Hmm...

I've even heard a few NT women say that it's easier for men.

I've said it on here before, but I'll say my opinion again. I feel that, in general, Aspie males seem to have a harder time in childhood and adolescence and Aspie females seem to have a harder time in adulthood. Once in adulthood, Aspie females are seen more "different" because they are so drastically opposite of NT women. I feel that male Aspies' personality quirks become more accepted in adulthood. This is why I think there seems to be more married Aspie guys than married Aspie girls. I find it interesting, too, that a lot of the female Aspies on here (myself included) weren't diagnosed until adulthood. It's as if our traits never seemed obviously AS until adulthood or something.

And, Ai Ling, I camouflage my oddness all the time in public. I'm always seen as quirky, but I am NEVER myself with anyone who I'm not super close to. The way I "camouflage" is that my public persona is very quiet and very polite and very cheerful. So, people just think I'm quirky but nice. The REAL me is extremely negative and angry about the NT world's idiocy, extremely overenthusiastic and jumping off the walls about special interests, and extremely talkative and opinionated. But if I opened up and didn't put my real self and real behaviors in check out in public, there is no way I could ever hold a job or anything of the sort. People at work would be amazed if they saw my behavior at home.

One note, though- the more angry and stressed I get, the more my REAL Aspie self comes out. It takes an incredible amount of energy and will-power to be my social/public self all day. When I'm dealing with sensory issues or change in routine or some other Aspie thing, my voice gets snippier and has more of an "edge" to its tone by the minute. Basically, when I'm relatively calm, I can "fake it." I HATE having to do this, as I am a very real person, but again, if I didn't act pleasant, I couldn't succeed. (I NEVER change my BELIEFS to fit in, though. I only fake being pleasant so I don't snap at every idiot I pass.) But when something goes wrong, I just react with my usual temper and irritation. When the going gets tough, I can't "fake it" any longer...

I don't think so, I think women have to be a lot more poised and perfect, men can break the mold more, girl world in high school is all about gossiping and small talk and acting a certain way, guys are allowed to be a bit weird and geeky.
also, when I was a kid I was sexually assaulted more than once, because I couldn't tell who was lying to me or who to stay away from and I would do anything to make people happy.

I think it comes down to personal experience.

Also, AS and ASDs don't show the same in each of us and not all of the autistic behaviours are equally accepted everywhere.

The female with AS is like what exactly? What does she do and what's her autism like? What is the male with AS like? What does he do and what's his autism like?

Good point. I don't know but I strongly suspect that even in a lot more male-dominant society like the one some 300 years ago non of the genders had it easier / harder than the other. Roles are roles. If you play accordingly, you'll win. If you fail, you'll lose. Gender dominance has no true relevance to success, imo. Only individual traits have. In the end, it is your rank that determines how successful you are.

Males in general (not only Aspies) can not express their feelings and can not talk about their social stance as easily as women / girls can. This comes down to a biological / physiological difference. This might come off as if they don't want to, but more often this is not the case (expected gender role also plays a part). Women in general are naturally more apt when it comes to social camouflaging / acting. There's nothing wrong with any of it, it's quite normal and human, this is the way we are.

Due to all the above, I think it'd be reasonable to say that women / girls would be ahead of men / boys when it comes to stating what kind of issues they face in comparison to other groups of people they live with, in this case, the opposite gender. They are simply more socially aware, Aspie or not.

As for the original question, I really don't see the point in generalizing. Too much cultural and individual variance.

Well your snide remarks got me thinking yes as unbelievable as it sounds feeble minded simpletons do think from time to time.



What am I doing here ? I am not worthy , that and I was reminded why I should stay away from women well away in fact ]. I would have thought superior people university educated people come under this category don't they ? Would be a little bit more respectful to the lesser beings of society (who make up the great deal of society) who scrub your ka ka of the toilet bowl for $7.65 /hr (I know you Americans love to oppress the poor it helps with the draft you see.)



Lesser beings frees up superiors peoples time so they can direct their awesomeness to undoubtedly make this world even more awesome. Not attacking anyone just an observation, being so feeble minded I've probably got it all wrong anyways.

So your a gamer you can't be all bad I suppose , perhaps discuss why Douche sorry Duke Nukem forever was so poorly received ? With your college education I would imagine you got it ie a industry joke but in a good way of cause am I really to believe the internet journalists of this world when they give it a score of 1 or 2 out of 10 who am I to judge anyways I'll let the worldly children stick to the games borefare , though I think I'm being a little bit unfair after a 10 year hiatus I decided to let WW rip and it was OK I suppose , as in Halo OK if you know what I mean. Their was a time when GTA was fun .

Judging by your tone around here I would imagine Duke would be right up your alley