Scarves, glasses, sunglasses

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Is anyone aware of any evidence that temporarily placing a relatively transparent scarf over your child's head suddenly helps them to look people in the eyes, and gain more self-confidence?

What? Where did you hear this? It sounds ridiculous.

I think the answer is "no," we haven't heard of such tricks being effective.

If you hear the description from our AS adults, the problem with looking someone in the eyes is that the eyes contain too much information, and the process is overwhelming to them. I'm not sure how a screen would help with that. A screen is self-protective, and seems to assume the issue is shyness, an unwillingness to be looked into. I've not understood that to be the case.

Nor is it like the general population of adults is going to be any more accepting of a child looking at them through a screen than avoiding eye contact.

Most members here seem to consider the whole "look me in the eye" thing to be over-rated, an unnecessary construct of Western society, so that telling others your child has trouble with it ends up solving things faster than forcing the child to do it. You can also teach children to look at a spot on the forehead or nose for the occasions they must be perceived as having eye contact, although my son had no problem doing it once he understood when it was expected.

It is. Wheneven I have, say, a job interview, sometime in the middle of it I think, "Oh yeah, I am supposed to be doing that eye contact thing," and then probably end up freaking out the interviewer.

Last job interview I had was telephone only, and I got the job.

Thank you

Who is "we"?


I wasn't suggesting that should be the autistic child's modus operandi.


Of course they do.

Some parents may wish to experiment with ways of encouraging their child to engage them in the same manner they engage their child. "Trainer wheels" types of ways of doing so are perfectly harmless. If there are parents out there that have tried this I'd be curious to hear your thoughts.

I think what DW was trying to say is that many of our kids' eye contact problems aren't because they're afraid to look people in the eye; mine doesn't - he just forgets, like Wreck-Gar. Sunglasses or a scarf seems like a silly intervention in that case, as it would give them even less reason to remember to look someone in the eye.

There are kids who struggle with eye contact for other reasons, but I can't help you as I don't have experience. I think someone here suggested that an older child use a camera to help explain avoiding eye contact, but that was less about screening and more about offering him a plausible excuse.

Yeah and it makes me feel mildly uncomfortable if I do if for more than a couple of seconds.

I don't see how dressing a kid up as an undercover movie star gain self-confidence. I'd be embarrassed to go out in public like that.

This forum. I've read almost every post on it for the last four years, and your post is the first time I've heard such an idea. If it worked, someone would have talked about it by now.

Many members give their kids sunglasses in stores to help them deal with the lighting, which is a common sensory issue. But that has nothing to do with eye contact.

You can practice with your child and devise a gentle reminder system. Most of the time it isn't natural to the child, but they don't object to it. If it seems your child does object, teach him to look at the person's nose or forehead - that is what many of the members here do, those for whom eye contact is really uncomfortable.

Although you are free to give them, I'm not actually asking for any lay or even expert opinions here. The original question by myself asked for any evidence. See first post.

there is some truth in the notion that (sun)glasses help with a lack of eye-contact, but not the way you seem to think.
the effect of covering the eyes is not that it makes it less uncomfortable for us to make eye-contact, but it makes the other person less inclined to make/keep it, reducing the problem of the lower contact; a clear example of symptom-fixing over problem solving.

Yes. My and DW's point being you are unlikely to find it for the reasons we both outlined.

I never heard of this, and I do not know if a child would necessarily tolerate it.

Last year they had a pin the tail on the donkey kind of thing at school, and my son did not tolerate the scarf well.

As it turned out, it was (unintentionally) transparent which the teacher figured out later when the first half of the class all got it exactly where it needed to be.

Sorry to bump this so many years later but it's quite a short thread and I'd be making a new one anyways. I'm a fully grown adult (age 25) who has had quite noticeable anxiety in public for quite some time. I'm mildly autistic (my psychiatrist told me and everyone around me has suspected since I was a young child but didn't really feel the need to diagnose since I am highly functioning on my own at least in terms of employment and basic responsibilities). I'm not sure if it's social anxiety or if it's something else but I started wearing a scarf because I had it and it was quite chilly. I've found it brings me a particularly large amount of confidence and physical security and I don't find myself wanting to break eye contact as much. I can't listen while maintaining eye contact (or looking at anything that isn't plain) at the same time and for whatever reason it seems to help, also makes me less scared of things that will startle me. It feels much the same as when I curl up under a blanket for about 30 or so minutes after work when I'm having a stressful day. I recommend if you constantly feel physically insecure or vulnerable to try it. Glasses (neither regular nor sunglasses) seem to make a difference but the scarf has a particularly profound effect.

How exactly do you wear the scarf? Around your neck? Over your head? I'm trying to work out why it would be comforting. I can't tolerate anything around my neck like scarfs or polo neck sweaters.

I was thinking something similar to the "Lawrence of Arabia" look or a Muslim woman's hijab or something like how the Virgin Mary is depicted.

Anyhow, if wearing a scarf over your head "magically" improves eye contact like the OP is asking, there'd probably be dozens of stories from Muslim parents about how their autistic daughters' eye contact had improved when she became old enough for her head scarf.