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jojobean
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24 Jan 2012, 1:27 am

Whosinabunker wrote:
goodwitchy wrote:
My emotions are all over the place. Last year I couldn't cry (and I needed to), this year I'm crying a lot.

Sometimes I have the strong urge to scream at the top of my lungs - like in places where I really should not scream. I used to feel that in high school a lot. I never did scream in school, even as much as I wanted to.
I'm an undiagnosed mess.


Whosinabunker, did you draw your avatar? If yes, that's a really awesome illustration!


I can relate to that feeling of wanting to scream as loudly as you can, sometimes I do it when I am driving home. It feels...pretty good actually, I usually follow up a scream with nonsensical giggling, it just makes me feel so giddy and happy when I do it, it's a very rare occurance however -_-. Also, no, I did not draw my avatar, I wish I could draw like that, I'm completely art-handicapped :)


jojobean wrote:
I understand this well. I have to be the strong one...my mother has severe PTSD and goes into crying fits that lasts for hours, sometimes for days.
Me on the other hand, I just shut down emotionally in order to function and keep from falling apart myself.

However, there is a solution to bottled up emotions that I done before and it works well.

go out to some remote woods somewhere...If you dont have trees where you are, go find some wilderness that no one is around for at least a few miles. Once you get there...let it all out, scream, shout...say whatever needs to be said no matter how vile.
Bottling up emotions is very unhealthy cuz it can make you physically ill. If you dont release these emotions, your body will let it out through illness. I need to take my own advice soon.

It may seem scary to let out all this rage...you feel the power of these emotions and are afraid they will over take you, but these emotions are there whether you express then or keep them under a presurized cap. Rage is not a bad emotion...there are no bad emotions...just bad actions. Embrace your rage....give it a voice.

As far as the rest of it like laughing and just expressing emotions period. Be yourself, are you willing to destroy yourself to satisfy others notion of normality?
If they really cared about you then it shouldn't matter if you're kinda offbeat from the social rhythms. If it does matter to them, then they are not worth destroying yourself for.

It takes alot of courage to be yourself in this world, but in the end, you will have lived completely.
I recomend talking to Cockney Rebel about being yourself, she has alot of wisdom on that subject. She has embraced herself totally and completely despite harsh critisim from her family and "friends".

take care of yourself, no one else will.


Jojo


Jojo


This...this is some very good advice. I do need to just go somewhere alone, granted I live in the city so I'd need to travel WAAAAAAY outside the town to get anywhere that is remotely...remote. Also, that's been the theme of my life for awhile now is self-acceptance. I'm having a hard time because there are some parts of me that...well...let's just say they are very inappropriate for living in today's society. Especially when it comes to anger, there are plenty of times when I want to get angry, but I hold it in, because it's not the "normal" thing to do. I just get so frustrated with my day to day life. Not necessarily from a family perspective, but just people, how they act, this plus me trying to come to terms with everything about me, plus the stress of being new to college...it's a little overwhelming at times to say the least. I'm not very good at "letting go", let's just say that much. Especially when it comes to caring about what other people think... Recently though it's come to my attention that...well...I never really stand up for myself, I usually just remain silent, or not approach a situation at all, I'm a bit of a coward (thanks to my obsession with what other people think of me) and I just lack the motivation sometimes you know? Oh lord, I think I have gone off on a rant...sorry about that...


Your welcome, and its ok to rant. Gotta get it out somehow.
Standing up for myself can be hard too, mostly because I think of the reply waaaay after the incident happened. But when that happens, I plan how to respond...and the person who insulted me or whatever is likely to use the same sort of insult again, then I am prepared.

You have alot going on right now, college is hard enough without all that other stress too.
As far as self acceptance goes, find your gifts and your talents and focus on them....they will give you strength to face your weaknesses.
When it comes to not showing anger cuz it is the normal thing to do. You have to decide if showing your anger will help you in a certain situation, or make things worse. Not all situations are the same, Also you have to decide if you are angry because of what someone did and needs to be confronted or if you are just angry because of stress and keeping it all under a tight lid and the slightest disturbance feels like someone playing hopscotch on your nerves.

In situation 1, you have to know how to confront someone while keeping the situation under control. In most cases, it is best to use this formula "when you _______, I feel ____________. " This is a formula that is used in psychology circles that make sure you have ownership over how you feel, yet holds the other person accountable for their actions.
However in dealing with a bully...it is best to go for their emotional jugular before the situation gets out of control. Bullies will test their targets. You have make them hurt more than any satisfaction they get out of messing with you.
Find their emotional weakness, and rip it out and hand it to them on a silver platter.

In situation 2,....after a good screamfest in the middle of nowhere, alot of that built up tension will be relieved and others wont get on your nerves as much

Also I cant overstate the need to journal about everything that bothers you. Write 3 pages as soon as your eyes wake up and your feet hit the floor and when you write... don't think about anything just let the words pour on the page, also called automatic writing. Alot of it will be negitive whiney stuff....good!! that needs to come out. After 3 pages of letting it out every morning, you day just goes alot smoother and your mind works better.
Journaling saved me when I was in a deep depression after flunking out of college due to a sleep disorder, due to a medication side effect, I found that out later though.



Jojo


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All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up.
-James Baldwin


goodwitchy
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24 Jan 2012, 4:02 pm

Thank you Whosinabunker and Jojo.

Jojo, great suggestions, especially the daily journal.
I never kept a diary because I prefer to be private with my thoughts; and I didn't want anyone finding it....but now that I'm older, it seems like a really good idea.

Although sometimes I don't even totally understand how or why I feel the way I do - I just know I'm bothered or upset. Maybe this will help me clear some stuff up.


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Aspie score: 161 of 200
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 38 of 200
Autistic/BAP -123 aloof, 124 rigid and 108 pragmatic
Autism Spectrum quotient: 41, Empathy Quotient: 19