A bad week. And a bad day for poop.

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Our DS, 4 1/2, has been having a tougher week than usual. Sensory issues at a higher level, tolerance of socializing quite low and behavior in general--ridigity, some stimming, tantrums, anger--at a high (though he is still very high functioning in general). If you are squeamish, don't read on . . .
Then, tonight, as he was in the bathtub with his little sister, my husband checked on them and commented on how dirty their bath water looked. I came in to see his fists closed tight. I made him show me, and he had fists full of poop turds. AND he had hid the fact that he was pooping, stuffing it down the drain, AND . . . getting his sister to drink the bath water.
(Everything in me wants to scream: this is NOT my son!! He is getting worse!! Do NT 4-5 year olds do stuff like this? ) Note: He has been potty trained for nearly two years. And he has pooped in the tub before and knows quite clearly it is not acceptable. But it seemed his actions were beyond his control for some reason. He was hiding the poop in his fists--which makes me think he knows we wouldn't like what he was doing.

We addressed it quite calmly, considering. I think he knew we were frustrated, but not angry. He was very 'disconnected'. I started to tell him (calmly but firmly) that poop has germs and can make him sick, and . . . he interrupted me and said "I know! It has germs." Then, why did you do it, I asked. Him: "I don't know." I told him next time when he felt like he was going to poop and do something 'bad' with it, that he needed to call mom or dad to help him not do the wrong thing. He got very excited and giddy about that and then was pretty much super hyper until bedtime. But very impossible to talk to. I almost want to say he was in this strange 'other' hyper world of stimming.

I know what my parents would say--give the boy a good spanking and he won't do it again. But I know we are not 'lenient' in our own discipline style, and honestly, as my husband put it--it seemed like our DS had 'blinders' on--to his behavior, to what we were saying, to everything. Very frustrated. Don't know how to get through to him. In a lot of ways, as I look back on videos of him at the age of 2 and remember, it seems he has regressed in behavior and in receptive language. Is that possible? (He hasn't been in any kind of formal therapy b/c we are just now seeking a professional diagnosis.)

Anyway, bath time is going to be strictly monitored now. (We do pop in every couple minutes but I don't think we are going to leave the bathroom at all now.)
That's all. Just needed a venting spot. Feeling sad, as tonight is just the topping on a very tough last few days with him.

I'm sorry. Does he have gastrointestinal problems in general? You should try the gluten and casein free diet. And detoxification of heavy metals and other toxins has also been reported to have substantial positive effects. (For the moment, we won't speculate on where the toxins might have come from). There's a great herbal mixture called "Essiac" that cleanses the blood and liver, facilitating detoxification, and serves as a concentrated nutrient source. You might have trouble getting him to take it though...

Ugh. So sorry!

Is there something new that could be causing anxiety? The sort of "deliberate" nature of what you describe has me wondering if this is some kind of panic response. Is it possible that he had an uncontrolled BM and then had no idea what to do about it? Hiding it, then describing the worst-case scenario he could imagine as having actually happened (did he actually get his sister to drink, or did he just say he did?) Is he able to tell you what's going on with his bowels?

I think supervision in the tub is a good idea, you might also want to ask him to sit on the toilet first. Perhaps the warm water is stimulating him to go; maybe the toilet with a heating pad on his belly. I think, also, giving him a social story about what to do if you feel the urge to eliminate (either kind) in the bathtub, and then what to do if you don't make it (ask for help, drain the tub, etc.) He's obviously scared about what happened and about what you might think if he's trying to hide it.

I think it's also a good idea to check and make sure he isn't having bowel trouble in general - though I will say, the diets seem to be really difficult to do, especially with kids who are choosy eaters. If you go that route, I'd try eliminating one thing at a time and seeing if there's improvement with each possible allergen before doing a total cold turkey GFCF diet.

I hear your frustration. Can I tell you that ages 4-6 were the absolute WORST for my son on the spectrum (like, he would have uncontrollable poops and our entire finished basement would be "finished" with wet poop ... everywhere!!). It's great your son can verbalize ... at that age mine could not. He was potty-trained around 4.5 y/o, yet he has always had bowel issues (continues to, even now - approaching age 9, where he routinely clogs the toilet). Something changed at that age (4-6y/o) in my son ... maybe it's the greater alertness of the environment combined with the lack of social understanding. Even though your son said he understood that poop has germs, at his age he couldn't possibly grasp what that really means. I think what he did wasn't too horrible in the scheme of life (you'll laugh about it one day ...trust me).

We tried the GF/CF diet for 6 months, but saw no changes, except where it came to CF. Indeed, he was found to have a dairy allergy (not just an intolerance), and he is dairy-free to this day. My son has a gazillion food intolerances, in fact, which also contribute to his bowel problems, I'm sure (though we endeavor to maintain a diet free of everything he cannot tolerate). FWIW, we have found probiotics to be very helpful in aiding his digestion.

Just wanted to wish you best wishes for better days ahead. For us, winter is always the worst time of year.