AS + NT Exterior + High Standards = Not Right for Anyone?

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I never tried to put on a front for anyone since I sucked at being anything but myself, which others have seen as being anything but normal.

I would think putting on a front for a women would actually be a put off since I would think that they would sense that you were being someone you were not. Even more so for the crowd of women I call "Super NT's", those who's intutive skills at reading people are so great that they border on being savant. They do exist, I've worked with two of them during my five years of being a grocrey stocker.



You're not the first person to say that. I see from your profile on A2P2 that you and I are both roughly the same age, and ever since puberty hit me full force when I was 12, I've had no luck getting a true girlfriend, and for all I know, I'll also probably die single and virgin.

Yes, I sometimes think something similar. I sometimes think, maybe a hundred or so years ago, I wouldn't have made it through childhood because of disease (e.g., my repeated strep throat infections) or near sightedness. Add to that I was born with a bump on my head from a delayed delivery, and you've got someone unfit for survival in less modern conditions. I wasn't exactly an easy kid to raise either. My only advantage in life has been my intelligence. I was always considered the smart kid by my classmates. They referred to me as "some genius" and tried to compliment me for the one positive trait they could recognize in me, but this proved they didn't really know me very well at all. And they really didn't: I have been very shy for a good portion of my life and started coming out of my shell last year but have retreated this year; I hope it's only a temporary setback. When I attempted to overcome my shyness, I discovered that my interpersonal skills were primitive and quickly got on people's nerves.

no actually i got along a lot better with her than i ever did a normal female..it was great..but i started really feeling tied down and not knowing if i really loved her as much as i thought..she deserves better

Well, if that's the case then I guess I should keep thinking more toward aspie women. Just like any group of people though, we're as diverse as anyone else. In your case it sounds to me like the two of you may have been too different, I'd say keep looking and definitely look to see if there's any support groups down there locally - it would be a good place to start.

Personally I need to find a girl who's riding the same edge of AS that I am, kinda like Indigo for example (no, I don't see her like that but she's probably the best example I can think of). Hopefully with some luck I'll find someone who's on page with me, who can relate to me, and (unlike what I see at hangout) will respect that hybrid me - being she's like that herself - rather than getting that "Oh, your just trying to be cool" kind of presumption about my identity (rofl, what I'm trying to do is be my best possible self from my own perspective - NOT something that can easily be explained to most people). Just like you, just like everyone else, I have my needs and I'm realizing I've gotta try. Mad props to enyone else who suceeds, I wanna see them happy as well.

hey wouldn't it be cool to find a girlfriend who obsesses over you and you obsess over her too? that'd be something...it'd be perfect, but alas i'm dreaming again..too perfect to happen

In my case I just want a girl who cracks me up, has a good sense of humor, has the kind of personality where I almost wanna high-five her every time she opens her mouth (kinda like Uma Therman's character in Paycheck), has that enlightened wholesomeness about her (ie. she isn't sheltered or goodie-goodie, she's real about it and made up her own mind on it), and over all a girl who can stick with a guy and be content rather than giving in to the itch, making drama, and getting scandelous because you aren't throwing new surprises at her every day. Oh yeah - a girl who's music tastes are open, introspective, and intelligent enough to where we could both be mutually impressed by eachothers tastes and the way the other thinks about stuff like that. Trust me, I'd show her the same respect - I don't believe in cheating, I believe in adjusting myself rather than giving up when a relationship evolves or changes in how it feels, and I want someone who has enough maturity to think like that as well.

what an interesting guy he is

I've pretty much resigned myself to the notion that I'll never have another "real" relationship; it's even been 3 years since my last "friends-with-benefits" deal. I doubt that I exude anything remotely NT, though I have no idea. I have a feeling that I unconsciously repel the very guys to whom I'm attracted; I have no idea what to do about it, though, or what exactly I'm doing to put them off. I always assumed that it was my height (I'm 6'1") that kept "eligible" dudes away, but several males have told me recently that in their estimation, my height's not the real culprit...

i hope he has found a better grip on who he is by now. he seemed like he was at his wit's end when he posted this, and a lot of what he's talking about, i have struggled with and am kind of still struggling with to this day.

^^^

Last edited by Boomshika on 12 Oct 2009, 8:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Any updates, techstep?

Did they tell you what they think the culprit is?

Yes - AS.
Just like the height, it's not exactly something I can *do anything* about.

Many. Suffice to say that yes, I'm still single - dating sporatically but definitely getting to know myself better (not meant in the biblical sense of course).

Chuckle. I know where you're coming from and the phrase "you got to fake it to make it" echoed in my head when I read that.



So you realize who you are, and what you've become - and don't like it.

The question then becomes "whatcha going to do about it?"

The easiest way is to go all the way and learn to love who you are - however distasteful it is. The harder route is change and become the person you'll love to be and be with. This includes figuring out what you did like about you waaaay back when.

How well can you mimic and blend in?

From age 13 I was trained to be a NT. Guess I'm not the only one stuck between NT and AS. At some point in time I decided that I would no longer be constrained by the label of AS, as part of my identity. I am still single, however because of that I am more comfortable in my own skin, I now have options (and phone numbers =-p) now. I will always different, the trick to the appeal is to make it look intentional. That way it projects an image of self assurance rather than one of desperation and an inability to fit in. Realize your limitations and own up to your strengths. What I do have an issue with about the label of AS is that the stigma that we impose upon ourselves often is a bigger obstacle to socialization / relationships. To prove my point I did not start to become more well socialized until I put my identity as an aspie behind me, and stopped thinking about it so much. If you just label yourself, your shortcomings suddenly become "hardwired" IE "set in stone", and your strengths and positive characteristics just become "symptoms" a disorder. You may have AS however you are not AS. Your identity is your own, it is not a disorder.