Page 358 of 399 [ 6381 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 355, 356, 357, 358, 359, 360, 361 ... 399  Next

SZWell
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 23 Aug 2017
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 397
Location: Orlando, FL

17 Dec 2017, 12:52 am

In the same mix with y'all, big problem for me has also been explaining my own pain


_________________
Following my footsteps


Ashariel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,779
Location: US

17 Dec 2017, 1:40 am

C2V wrote:
I often see others responding in a way like "I'm sorry you feel that way, that must be hard for you," etc. Like ... validating that person's misery?


Yeah I don't really get that either, but apparently that's the empathetic thing to say? When I try to say that stuff it just feels like I'm spouting empty platitudes, copy-pasting from a generic script, without actually give a crap at all.

But when I try to say something thoughtful and heartfelt, it comes out even worse, so maybe it's not such a bad tactic after all? Haha



TheAP
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Dec 2014
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,314
Location: Canada

17 Dec 2017, 7:35 am

It's not telling them that they should be miserable. It's empathizing with them and telling them you understand how they feel.

Some people don't like to be given advice. They just want someone to show they care and listen to them.

I'm autistic. I don't always know what's the best way to respond or how to help people. But I don't want to do nothing at all. So I respond the best way I can, by giving words of encouragement and support. I imagine it's the same for others as well.



Darmok
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Dec 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,030
Location: New England

17 Dec 2017, 9:24 am

TheAP wrote:
Some people don't like to be given advice. They just want someone to show they care and listen to them.


_________________
 
There Are Four Lights!


TheAP
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Dec 2014
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,314
Location: Canada

17 Dec 2017, 10:39 am

Well, it's true. Some problems aren't as easily fixed as having a nail in your head. I can't fix someone's mental illness to relationship problems. But why shouldn't I try to help in the best way I can?



Ashariel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,779
Location: US

17 Dec 2017, 10:48 am

TheAP wrote:
It's not telling them that they should be miserable. It's empathizing with them and telling them you understand how they feel


Good point, and yes that's definitely the goal. The problem is we struggle with empathy, and in fact don't understand how they feel. We care, we want to help, we try to understand, but we're often told that we don't understand at all, and that our attempt to help has made the person feel even worse.

That's the point where silence is arguably better than saying something hurtful.



ZachGoodwin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,065

17 Dec 2017, 5:02 pm

Ashariel wrote:
C2V wrote:
I often see others responding in a way like "I'm sorry you feel that way, that must be hard for you," etc. Like ... validating that person's misery?


Yeah I don't really get that either, but apparently that's the empathetic thing to say? When I try to say that stuff it just feels like I'm spouting empty platitudes, copy-pasting from a generic script, without actually give a crap at all.

But when I try to say something thoughtful and heartfelt, it comes out even worse, so maybe it's not such a bad tactic after all? Haha



When I try to say stuff it can feel like that to me. I think people want me to be happy, but calm and quiet and out of the way, but admit to it in a way that doesn't make it sound depressing. I'm not some savant who has a special X-Men ability that no one understands. I really want those little things that most people overlook, a life where you aren't isolated most of the time, saying no politely, and having common relatable dislikes and interests... Unfortunately most people wish that they could have the life of living in an institution where everything is given to you. I mean yeah that can make you happy, but after awhile it drags and drains and you feel dried out like a prisoner.



kazanscube
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 26,180

17 Dec 2017, 5:12 pm

Ashariel wrote:
TheAP wrote:
It's not telling them that they should be miserable. It's empathizing with them and telling them you understand how they feel


Good point, and yes that's definitely the goal. The problem is we struggle with empathy, and in fact don't understand how they feel. We care, we want to help, we try to understand, but we're often told that we don't understand at all, and that our attempt to help has made the person feel even worse.

That's the point where silence is arguably better than saying something hurtful.


Quite True


_________________
I'm an extremely vulnerable person. Vulnerability and emotion are very closely linked.


Dragnet
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2017
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,657

18 Dec 2017, 8:33 pm

America sucks,

That is my unpopular opinion and that thread seems to have disappeared so I am gonna leave this here. Its the United States of shame with clusters of corruption called everyone else around them corrupt. I am ashamed to be a part of this nation as it stands now.

Just saying...



KyleTheGhost
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jul 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 70,217
Location: Luna, Imagination Isle

29 Dec 2017, 5:35 am

Question: Who would in a fight between Ares and Hades? War vs. Death?


_________________
I am Ashley. My pronouns are female.


kazanscube
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 26,180

29 Dec 2017, 2:05 pm

KyleTheGhost wrote:
Question: Who would in a fight between Ares and Hades? War vs. Death?



Difficult questions to answer, since Hades is the Greek god of the Underworld, I'd say that, Hades would have the advantage. As far as the 2nd confrontation, Death holds sway over all things regardless.


_________________
I'm an extremely vulnerable person. Vulnerability and emotion are very closely linked.


EzraS
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,828
Location: Twin Peaks

01 Jan 2018, 12:11 pm

How about which would win in a fight between marshmallow vs meringue?



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

01 Jan 2018, 12:14 pm

Marshmallow, definitely! They are more resilient and don't break easily like meringues.



ZZZTired
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jan 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 476
Location: Awake from a good night's rest

28 Jan 2018, 5:23 am

I really think having to live life with a great social life has far better results than living a lonely life.



PBL187
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Aug 2017
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,006
Location: Temporary

29 Jan 2018, 3:58 pm

If Dragnet mysteriously vanishes then we know the CIA have got to him for posting about not liking America


_________________
As he faced the sun he cast no shadow


katdances
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 29 Nov 2017
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 91

05 Feb 2018, 5:58 pm

ZZZTired wrote:
I really think having to live life with a great social life has far better results than living a lonely life.


I completely agree. It's just so exhausting and it sucks feeling like people can read you as insecure just because you're uncomfortable being around them. I wish I could get to be like Raf Simons. He does great work and gets to live a nice life without the social aspect of it, only when he says its ok.

I feel like I pretend to be social all time. Once I get in a cab back home it's like "Finally I can breathe" and then the cab driver tries for conversation. Might be mean, but most times I just put on my big headphones on and forget about it.