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Butterfly88
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02 Dec 2017, 1:11 am

Well you probably are ahead of me since you have far fewer posts.



elbowgrease
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02 Dec 2017, 1:33 am

Quick! Delete all of your posts before anyone else catches on! Then you can win.



Butterfly88
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02 Dec 2017, 9:48 am

Lol, the fact that I've been here since 2015 and you only since 2017 would make it look suspicious.



kazanscube
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03 Dec 2017, 10:31 am

I just returned after many years now.


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Butterfly88
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03 Dec 2017, 12:52 pm

I've seen you around.



kazanscube
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03 Dec 2017, 4:53 pm

Butterfly88 wrote:
I've seen you around.



It's been roughly a year more or less, but it's nice to be back


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Butterfly88
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03 Dec 2017, 7:45 pm

Welcome back :)



MakaylaTheAspie
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09 Dec 2017, 5:54 pm

Woop woop, Makayla's back too!



...



watch no one remember me :lmao:


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Butterfly88
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09 Dec 2017, 7:15 pm

I can't say I remember you but welcome back!



kazanscube
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09 Dec 2017, 8:03 pm

MakaylaTheAspie wrote:
Woop woop, Makayla's back too!

I remember you from years back..



...



watch no one remember me :lmao:


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C2V
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16 Dec 2017, 9:08 pm

Question - How do you work out why people don't like you? It's not as if you can ask, because though I would not be offended at all if someone was to tell me exactly why they disliked me (if just delivered dry, not in an argument or anything, just as a piece of information) people have been taught not to just do that. But it would actually be very useful. If I knew what it was I was doing, more or less, that made others dislike me then I may have a chance of moderating it.


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Ashariel
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16 Dec 2017, 9:36 pm

I like you, C2V. You remind me of myself, in that you make a sincere effort to try to say helpful things to people, even if you might not instinctively know the right thing to say. Once in a while that tactic is going to result in unintentionally offending people, which is a stereotypical autistic trait, and you just have to do damage control and apologize as best you can, but not beat yourself up for having a 'social blindness' problem that's not your fault.

If you can handle a little blunt honesty - there was one time when you seemed dismissive/skeptical of my problem, which I found hurtful, but I realize you just didn't understand, and it's not your fault.

*waves to fellow unpopulars*



C2V
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16 Dec 2017, 9:48 pm

Ashariel wrote:
I like you, C2V. You remind me of myself, in that you make a sincere effort to try to say helpful things to people, even if you might not instinctively know the right thing to say. Once in a while that tactic is going to result in unintentionally offending people, which is a stereotypical autistic trait, and you just have to do damage control and apologize as best you can, but not beat yourself up for having a 'social blindness' problem that's not your fault.

If you can handle a little blunt honesty - there was one time when you seemed dismissive/skeptical of my problem, which I found hurtful, but I realize you just didn't understand, and it's not your fault.

*waves to fellow unpopulars*

See, that's helpful. :D So thanks for that! It's a bit of a catch 22 though - say you are told this approach can cause offense, but because you're autistic and can't communicate you're going to have no way of understanding if it is offensive - what's the alternative? Seems to me the alternative would be to not even try to help or respond to people, which might be just as bad. Then others would think you had no interest in them or helping them out.
I guess it comes from an impaired understanding of what people have told me is hurtful for them before. Others have said that they find it hurtful if people just ignore them, don't show interest in their problems, don't respond to them or "don't care." So I've tried to prevent people being damaged in that way, by respond to their problems.
Umm but it seems my sort of response isn't actually helpful anyway. So I suppose it's not a great approach.
Needless to note, I never mean to be dismissive of people. We all have our own perceptions and all a subjective creature can do is respond from their own.
I do try to understand but it's seemingly more and more hopeless.


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Ashariel
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16 Dec 2017, 9:54 pm

I hear you on all that. I vacillate between trying to show people I care (which I do), vs. keeping quiet because I know I really, really suck at guessing what's a helpful thing to say. In my own case I feel like I'm 'socially tone deaf', like someone who thinks they're good at singing but they're actually terrible at it, and should just shut up.



C2V
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16 Dec 2017, 10:33 pm

Ashariel wrote:
I hear you on all that. I vacillate between trying to show people I care (which I do), vs. keeping quiet because I know I really, really suck at guessing what's a helpful thing to say. In my own case I feel like I'm 'socially tone deaf', like someone who thinks they're good at singing but they're actually terrible at it, and should just shut up.

Hah, yep, exactly the same thought I've been having.
Because I can't seem to work it out - it's here at WP but also elsewhere. I'm being conscientious (or so I think) I'm being friendly, I'm being cooperative, I'm responding to people when they communicate a problem and suggesting things which I think might help them to fix their issue and be happier, I'm making sure they don't feel ignored or that no one cares that they are having difficulties ... so why isn't this working? What's the problem? It seems like people still can't stand me and I really don't see how else I could have responded, other than just ignore them, which they have told me is damaging to them.
I often see others responding in a way like "I'm sorry you feel that way, that must be hard for you," etc. Like ... validating that person's misery?
I don't understand the point of that. It offers no solution to the problem, so I don't think it's useful of me to respond that way. Plus of course, I cannot feel the way they feel or understand what that feeling is.
But like you I think maybe I should just shut up. The evidence seems to be in that what I'm doing isn't helpful, for me or for other people. Obviously, I have misunderstood, and need to revise my strategy (though how, I can't imagine).
I guess I have been trying to use these situations to learn to act human, and observe the results. Does it help other people? Does it result in people liking me better and having less issues with me? Seems not. I see other people being liked easily when they seemingly put in no effort, and it's a lot of effort for me and it still doesn't help my social understanding.
So yeah, maybe I should just shut up.


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SZWell
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17 Dec 2017, 12:52 am

In the same mix with y'all, big problem for me has also been explaining my own pain


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