Hope no one minds me posting to this old thread.
I was just thinking, perhaps there is a course out there on how to date that aspies can do to improve their chances on dating. That and perhaps getting a neurotypical friend, (if anyone has one) who has experience in dating to act as a wing boy or wing girl.
My own experience in dating is interesting.
I have had a few relationships and have dating a little. Although I note that almost all my relationships were instigated by the girl or instigated during a drunken bout after a night at a night club.
And ironically, although i think I have a fair amount to offer as I am relatively ok looking, fairly fit (have some muscles as I train at the gym and do some martial arts) am relatively intelligent (have a degree in sound engineering) and have some good interests (music, xbox one, judo, kickboxing, computer programming), i still am rubbish at communicating with woman or when I do communicate, I am often too intense for the woman and scare them away. I think that the intenseness must be a lot to do with having anxiety but also partly an aspie trait.
My shyness is probably the main barrier to me getting dates. As having no confidence and also not being able to small talk is really hard, as i generally feel really awkward when trying to small talk and flirt with woman and if anything end up saying something that is way too much or completely inappropriate or offensive, such as something that you would say to a woman who you are in a relationship with who you know very well.
What used to be ironic, when i was younger, i used to hang out with a group of lads and when i did pull the woman usually perceived me as a "lad" who was looking for a one night stand. But being an aspie I was actually the opposite, seeking a long term relationship, where i would be completely faithful and honest in.
Some years ago I did get married, but to a woman who said she was a Jehovah Witness.
This all turned out bad for various reasons however and again ironically
many of the problems that occurred was because I am extremely honest where my neurotypical wife was not.
We argued a lot, and a lot of our arguments were to do with my neurotypical "wife" breaking the religious rules that she enforced on me. Ironic as I kept her rediculously strict religious rules even though i was not a jehovah witness while she, who enforced the rules strictly broke every rule that she enforced onto me from the religion that she prescribed to. What was also even more ironic is that she thought that my complaints about her breaking her rules made me abusive and gave her good reason to commit adultery.
I also think that this relationship didn't work as I was exploited because of my gullible and kind hearted nature (which is also often an aspie trait).
But nevermind...
Now, I went to a night club last night and had a similar crap experience due to my lack of social skills.
I met my female cousin in the club, who invited me to join her and her gang of friends.
One of her friends took my hand and tried to get me to dance with her. But she got upset because i danced too quick, dancing at double time rather than slow. I wasn't out of time, i just don't have much experience dancing with woman but loads of experiencing dancing on my own having been a raver.
This caused some trouble. Then she asked me why i was still single. I then tried to explain in my usual honest and complicated way (which wasn't too clever as it was too much info for her to take in).
She then just looked at me in a strange way and walked off and spent the rest of the night not interacting with me.
As it turned out, she was married anyway. But still, if she wasn't, i would have also driven her away by my intensity and incompatible dancing.
I really think that someone out there who is firstly experienced in dating and getting laid, who also understands aspies should design a course for aspies to learn basic skills in dating etc. Perhaps also including dancing.
They should teach these skills to people while they are at school so that people don't end up struggling all the lives with not being able to get dates etc.
28 Jul 2014, 2:05 pm
