Long Term House Guest

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I generally don't cope very well at all. My meltdowns increase more, and I just in general act like an idiot from the routine change. Like if someone comes for a week, it's one thing, but I've had bad bad cases of a week turning into months.

Worst one was, one of my sister's friends lived at my house for like 4 months, and she'd try to flirt with me and stuff, and I didn't want to have anything to do with her. During that time, I got a car, and I didn't have much else to do, so sometimes I'd drive like 50+ miles in a day, just to get out of the house. She basically played my mother, and I told my mother the entire time she was getting played by her, and she refused to listen.

Now, I have a possibly worse one, my sister's got another friend living with us. This time it's longterm, though. Again, opposed from the beginning, but my sister convinced my mother to let her live with us for TWO YEARS, while she goes to community college.

As for how I'm coping, f*****g not well at all, since I no longer have a Supra nor gas money to drive around all the time.

Best thing I can say to do is, get out of the house for as long as you can everyday. That's the only thing that works for me, that and retreating into my room, but my room has no computer in it, so it gets boring quick. Even then, my room isn't a good escape, the only way sometimes I feel I can escape is by just driving really far away. One day I got so overwhelmed and mad at the situation I just decided to go on a like 80 mile (roundtrip) drive sorta kinda late at night, no destination in particular, just driving to relieve stress. I used to go to friend's houses, but now I don't really have as many friends to go to, and besides, it feels sorta awkward being in their houses now.

So how to cope, leave the house. That's about all. I'd go hiking more, but it gets dark too early to realistically do that, nevermind it's kinda cold out still being February. But basically, finding anyway to leave my house was helpful. Unfortunately now, I don't like my neighborhood, too, and don't like being outside in it, whereas at my AP complex, I at least felt safe out in the parking lot working on my car out there.

So...you're kinda screwed. I've been told there's some longterm lesson of patience to be learned or something, but really, that's terribly unpleasant to learn.

I'm glad it's not just me.

Two weeks is two too many for me. I could stand maybe a week of one person. One week is enough time to catch up with an old friend, enjoy their company, and have some fun. Beyond that it's just too much.

I like the "house guests are like fish... after 3 days, they start to smell."

I would tell guests straight up... "We are glad you're coming." then something about "you can stay only until June 27, then we have other company coming, so I'm afraid June 27 is all we can accommodate you for. Do you fly out the morning of June 27?" After that, they're out. I don't care if they extend their vacation-- if I didn't offer my house past a set date, they're not staying at my house.

I lived with multiple roommates at once point. One girl would have her sister come for a week, then the next month have the cousin for a few days, then repeat this over and over again. I replaced this roommate, and had a new lease drawn that limited the number of overnight guests per roommate to 3 nights per month max. That worked since the other roommates rarely had guests stay over.

With a spouse, I would have a similar solid rule that we set upon moving in together. If the house guest is not my child, parent, or in-law, 2 weeks is way off limits. Maybe a week for a cousin, but friends? Bah. No. If they can afford to travel, they should be able to get a hotel or split nights among friends houses or couchsurf. I'm not the Hilton hotel. If a friend's house burned down or something, I would try to put up with more than a week.... but I couldn't tolerate months. I would probably try to help them find other arrangements then donate some furniture/things to them instead of offering to let them stay with me. A friend who is traveling around for weeks or months on end doing nothing but playing all day doesn't garner my sympathy. Some people enjoy helping out friends with letting them stay there, but I don't. If I want to be charitable, I'll volunteer outside of the home or donate money. I need my sanctuary and home, and pay for it.

I had a friend once in college who would travel internationally all summer, calling some friend of his in whatever city he wanted to spend the rest of the summer in. A few summers he called me asking if he could come stay with me that night. Um, no. If someone can afford such travel, they should find a way to afford housing. And, he did this every summer. He could have flown to his parents and stayed with them for the summer free, but he instead chose whatever city he wanted to spend the summer in, then expect his friends to give him free housing all summer. He stayed in a mutual friend's apartment one summer. He made a mess, ate her food, drank her wine, and didn't help with costs or cleaning at all.

My relatives enjoy house guests. I don't understand it. They let people stay for months free and eat their food and do nothing. Sometimes the people will have some part-time temporary job in the area, other times the person is an unemployed bum. Get a job, get your own apartment, and don't take advantage of friends. Someone who is in the area for, say, 3 months should "man up" and get a temporary rental apartment, not sponge off a friend for free rent for months. Like I said, it's kind that other people help out people by opening up their home as a hotel... but that's just not in my nature.

More people means more noise, less personal space, shared kitchen and everything else, more utility cost, them likely eating our groceries so more expense there, etc.