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Eloa
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18 Feb 2012, 6:36 pm

I go to a psychologist specialized in autism for more than a year and she doesn't think for now, that I am really able to raise children, on what I agree too, but it also makes me sad.
I always think "I need more time", but I am mid-thirty and do not have so much time, but even if I had more time, I do not know if I could develop to someone being able to raise children. I miss too many "self-supporting" abilities. She asked me, if I could easily talk to children, but I cannot as I do not know what to say, but I talk to my cats, so I might talk more to my own child than to a child I don't know, though I can talk to all cats in my neighboourhood, but still there are problems which make me not suitable of having children (now?) and I wonder how those of you, who do have children, manage it.

Do you have a lot of support?

Is it possible to develop further to be able to manage, to increase functioning?

What does it take to raise children?

How do you feel it interfere with your autism?

Sometimes I wish there was a "pauze-button" I could push to make the world stand still for a while so that I had time to "keep up" with everything and everyone.


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Last edited by Eloa on 18 Feb 2012, 8:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Alexender
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18 Feb 2012, 6:44 pm

My mom has a daycare so I have actually worked with kids a lot. I don't actually have children, but have also had to help out with my much younger sisters a lot. Just trying to say that I know what it is like to take care of children

What does it take to raise children- patience. Lots and lots of patience, which I don't have.

If there is an issue, try to get both sides of the argument, and think about what actually happened. If two 2 year olds are crying and you have to figure out what happened, with their limited vocabulary it can be tough. Along with that, you cannot get irrated with every little noise that they make or everything they do.
It can be hard for me sometimes to not tell a kid to stop singing or tapping after I have been watching them for a while.

edit:
Increase functioning? If you worked with little kids then you would get better at interacting with them if that is what you mean. I was the lead helper for the 3 year old room at church for a few years.

and I think you might get better responses if you asked to move this to the parents discussion



neerdowell
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18 Feb 2012, 6:57 pm

For me i was undisclosed until after I had children although I had been misdiagnosed with different disorders. I do have 3 children and somedays are a struggle but most days are fine.

My biggest struggles are
- noise levels getting to much
- changes in schedules
- not enough recovery times
- I try to talk to children very logically which is not always what works.

I get by because I have an awesome wife who works hard to make sure I get my recovery time. I make sure to excuse myself if I need to meltdown or shutdown. I have developed some skills for parenting. The first couple of years as a parent were extremely stressful which is one of the reasons I began seeing a therapist again. I had not seen one since my middle school years. Now I do have periods of time where I get very stressed out but I have learned to avoid some of those things or just figured out ways to handle them a bit better.

I can't lie. It is hard work and some days are extremely stressful but I love it.



Moopants
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18 Feb 2012, 7:18 pm

I wasnt convinced I had an ASD until I had my baby. I found coping with the unexpected very difficult but it prompted me to get a dx. Luckily she was a very easy to predict baby and started to communicate very young.

I find the social aspects of being a mum quite easy, but my sensory and processing are the real problems for me and I shut down very easily, especially if she's being tantrumy. I have to really stave off meltdowns and I've never had so many in my life as I have since becoming a parent.

She's only a toddler but I explain that I have difficulty with some things. I feel if I start being honest with her young, that she'll grow up understanding me / autism better.

As for coping - I feel I cope less the more independent she becomes. The Baby year was easy - it was all routine but now she has a very determined mind of her own I struggle. I worry that people will think I'm not coping well but I have a reasonably good family and her dad is fantastic. I just feel real guilt at leaving him to deal with things so often. I wish I could do more



Eloa
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18 Feb 2012, 7:41 pm

Thank you all for answering.
I am female and think, I would be main resposable for a child.
Some of the main issues are:
-I cannot take care of eating myself/cooking regulary or householding
-I withdraw many times of the day into my mind and have no touch with the "outside reality"
-I cannot work/take care of a living
-I get soaked up by a special interest or whatever is in my mind completely and I am no more in touch with the "outside reality"
-I have severe sensory-issues, so I avoid going outside and going to shops
-I have no social circle as my family lives far away and I have no friends

I really appreciate your answers to get some insight about how it is being an autistic parent, especially concerning women but men as well.

Moopants, thank you for sharing.


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Ganondox
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18 Feb 2012, 8:27 pm

Eloa wrote:
Thank you all for answering.
I am female and think, I would be main resposable for a child.
Some of the main issues are:
-I cannot take care of eating myself/cooking regulary or householding
-I withdraw many times of the day into my mind and have no touch with the "outside reality"
-I cannot work/take care of a living
-I get soaked up by a special interest or whatever is in my mind completely and I am no more in touch with the "outside reality"
-I have severe sensory-issues, so I avoid going outside and going to shops
-I have no social circle as my family lives far away and I have no friends

I really appreciate your answers to get some insight about how it is being an autistic parent, especially concerning women but men as well.

Moopants, thank you for sharing.


Do you have a husband? If so, tell us about him.


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Eloa
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18 Feb 2012, 8:44 pm

Ganondox wrote:
Do you have a husband? If so, tell us about him.


I have.
Our relation is more "mentally" than "physically".
He is likely kind of at the spectrum too, at least BAP, has high intelligence, but is not diagnosed, doesn't want to, because he had a severe problem with stuttering in childhood/adolescence and doesn't want to be "labeled" anymore.
Sometimes he agrees with being on the spectrum = having traits, sometimes he denies it.
He has also trouble earning money and other issues (eg. socializing, work).
But he wants to have children and says he would not have a problem with it.


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English is not my native language, so I will very likely do mistakes in writing or understanding. My edits are due to corrections of mistakes, which I sometimes recognize just after submitting a text.