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cubedemon6073
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06 Apr 2012, 4:05 pm

IdahoRose wrote:
cubedemon6073 wrote:
IdahoRose wrote:
Princess78 wrote:
Don't blame yourself. It was just a misunderstanding, that's all.

I agree. I also agree with the poster who said that "what am I supposed to do about it" is very often used sarcastically, so for future reference, do not use that phrase when you are being sincere.


Now I feel bad :(

My wife has a sweet and salty thing that goes on sometimes.

I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to make you feel bad. :(


You didn't make me feel bad. It was the fact of doing something wrong that was unintentional that did.



elegantmess
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07 Apr 2012, 10:57 am

You know for next time! :)

My husband is NNT and is slowly learning how to deal with me when I'm having a lousy period. He can't always be there to give me massages, but he can run out and pick up pads and ginger ale, or M&M's, or get me a glass of water and a Midol or ibuprofen. He's also learning to be understanding about me not getting housework done because I feel sick and I hurt.

He is learning to hear me call for him when I need a clean pair of knickers, or help getting up. For some reason, my period messes with my balance and makes me stim REALLY hard.



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07 Apr 2012, 6:43 pm

Life's a learning experience - you'll get better at dealing with your wife's periods especially as you care enough to ask for advice about it. Two things that haven't been mentioned yet that might help: 1) What she wants probably won't be the same each time she has a period - you'll need to ask questions every time or otherwise you'll be confused about why something that was right last time is wrong this time. 2) Try talking to her about it sometime when she's not on her period - when she's not dealing with the pain she might be more articulate about what its like for her and what she wants from you.



cubedemon6073
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07 Apr 2012, 11:04 pm

This is why I love coming to wrongplanet. I receive straightforward, concrete, practical, non-vague, non-ambigious answers. NT women will just tell me to consider her feelings more or something to that effect. You all are practically the first group of women to give the information I need in a way I understand it. I appreciate that.



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17 Apr 2012, 2:47 pm

I don't know if it applies in this situation, but I often get a bit hormonal and snappy with my partner just before and at the beginning of my period. I can't help it and I don't mean to be nasty or upset him. Maybe your wife was a bit snappy because of this and because she was in pain, and you didn't actually do anything wrong. Although I agree about the phrasing.



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20 Apr 2012, 2:24 pm

It's quite annoying. Especially if you're not on the pill. I didn't know about the connection between the period itself and taking the pill for the longest time.

Well, every time a woman is on her period, it's like an open wound. Because that's what it really is. So while you're still on your period, it's really painful.

It also affects my emotions greatly. I am much more likely to cry or get annoyed by something.

I also feel sick during the first two days.


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Inyanook
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20 Apr 2012, 9:12 pm

Mine used to be really, really, exceptionally bad. I got it really very young (ten or eleven, I think) and for years it was kind of like the sensation you'd get if you got thwhacked really hard in the lower back by a baseball bat, and if that initial pain just continued for hours. And this would be for the entirety of the five or so days. The only thing that would help at all was a hot water bottle.

Thankfully after I altered my diet things changed for the better, but I still have horrible days.

It makes me much more likely to cry, too, and get caught up in a spiral of anxiety over tiny little things.

On a related note: anyone else ever blacked out or come close to it as a result of cramps? It wasn't anemia or anything — just the physical pain of it.


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21 Apr 2012, 2:53 am

Inyanook wrote:
Mine used to be really, really, exceptionally bad. I got it really very young (ten or eleven, I think) and for years it was kind of like the sensation you'd get if you got thwhacked really hard in the lower back by a baseball bat, and if that initial pain just continued for hours. And this would be for the entirety of the five or so days. The only thing that would help at all was a hot water bottle.

Thankfully after I altered my diet things changed for the better, but I still have horrible days.

It makes me much more likely to cry, too, and get caught up in a spiral of anxiety over tiny little things.

On a related note: anyone else ever blacked out or come close to it as a result of cramps? It wasn't anemia or anything — just the physical pain of it.


i used to kind of blacked out from the pain, but not often, and only for a second and i'd even catch myself before i feel, so i dont know if it counts.
and a hot water bottle didnt help me, pills didnt help seventy/eighty percent of the time, either.


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lostgirl1986
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21 Apr 2012, 7:34 am

Well the term "What am I supposed to do about it?" probably set her off. Periods are different for every woman. When I was younger, I used to get mine for seven days and I'd get horrible cramps. I had an abortion when I was 20 and after that whenever I got my period, I hardly ever get cramps anymore...but let me tell you, some cramps can be horrible.

Some nice ways to appreciate your wife when she's on her period is to give her a massage, get her a hot water bottle or a heating pack, give her some tea, get some aspirin for her or just ask her right out, "What can I do to make you feel better hun?" I can guarantee you, she'll really appreciate it and would probably do the same for you when you're not feeling well. Some cramps can feel like somebody is grabbing your insides and they start to throb with pain wave after pain wave going through your body.



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24 Apr 2012, 11:03 am

Men will never really know what having a period of truly like, just like women will never really know what having balls is like (how do you sit???)

What I can say is, period pains are similar to those cramps you get when you have the runs. That is what I learnt. They're not completely the same, but they are sort of similar. Just before I'm due to start my period, I get slight period pains, but I forget that I'm getting my period and so I end up sitting on the toilet wondering why I haven't got the runs, then I suddenly remember that it is period pains, not the runs pains.
The difference between period pains and runs pains are period pains are obviously not in the bowels. And they hurt right round your legs and your thighs. It is such a horrible pain, and laying down does not get rid of them, like it does with other stomachaches. Gentle exercising gets rid of them quicker.

Also, when I'm on my period, I feel sick but can still eat and have a normal appertite. Otherwise, when I haven't got a period cramp, I practically forget I am on a period.


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24 Apr 2012, 11:37 am

Different women have different symptoms and some get it far worse than others.

Here is something practical you can do for your wife if she would be willing to try it:

Get her to start taking food grade diatomaceous earth as a food supplement.

It has reduced my horrific period pain by about 90%. No more painkillers or being bedridden on days 1 and 2.

:cheers:

Other than that, just ask her (at a time when she's not actually having her period) what things help her feel better. Ask HER. Do not rely on asking a bunch of strange women on the Internet and doing what they tell you, because all women are different. e.g. I CANNOT STAND ANYONE TOUCHING MY STOMACH when I am having cramps, yet some women find it relieving to be rubbed there. Some may find relief by heat being applied. Some (like me) can't stand the pressure of ANYTHING being held against their stomach, but want heat on their back. Some women want hugs. Some want to be left alone. Some want chocolate. Some may not even LIKE chocolate. Some want massages. Some don't. Some want to retire to bed. Some want to soldier on through the pain. Some want to moan on about how ill they're feeling, and be showered with attention. Some don't even like to talk about the fact that they're having their period.

It all depends.

Just find out what would make her feel better, and then do it. :)



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24 Apr 2012, 12:25 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:
I have a question for the women(NT and aspie) on here if you all do not mind answering. I am a male aspie I do not understand what it is truly like for a woman to be on her period and I may have reacted the wrong way. My wife told me it is like my balls are being squeezed constantly. Is this true? This is what happened on our honeymoon. We were in our hotel room. My wife was in pain from her period. She kept complaining to me about it. I was very concerned about her. In my concern, I asked her what I was supposed to do about it. Was there a special procedure I was supposed to do? The exact words I asked her was "What am I supposed to do about it?" Did I need to get her medicine. I would have done anything alleviate her pain. I was called an insensitive as*hole. What exactly did I do wrong and what should I have done?


Well the only way I can see how she would have been offended is if she misunderstood what you meant.....like maybe she thought you where just trying to tell her to quit complaining about it and didn't understand you where actually offering to help. Not sure why she would have thought that though, but sometimes people do mis-understand things.


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Joe90
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24 Apr 2012, 2:13 pm

Rub your wife's tummy. That's one thing I wish the man I love would do with me, although he hasn't asked me out yet.


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all_white
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24 Apr 2012, 4:30 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Rub your wife's tummy. That's one thing I wish the man I love would do with me, although he hasn't asked me out yet.


As I tried to point out, all women are different. You may like having your tummy rubbed. I hate it. As for the OP's wife, who knows? He needs to ask her what SHE needs. :)



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01 May 2012, 5:33 pm

Inyanook wrote:
Mine used to be really, really, exceptionally bad. I got it really very young (ten or eleven, I think) and for years it was kind of like the sensation you'd get if you got thwhacked really hard in the lower back by a baseball bat, and if that initial pain just continued for hours. And this would be for the entirety of the five or so days. The only thing that would help at all was a hot water bottle.

Thankfully after I altered my diet things changed for the better, but I still have horrible days.

It makes me much more likely to cry, too, and get caught up in a spiral of anxiety over tiny little things.

On a related note: anyone else ever blacked out or come close to it as a result of cramps? It wasn't anemia or anything — just the physical pain of it.

I once had really bad cramps. It felt like the time when my appendix was infected. I was really worried. I had to lie down in bed. I was worried it could also be something else. But the pain was gone the next day.

Usually, my cramps are ok. Last week was mild. ^^


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