Just read the study from 2009: Aspies have TOO MUCH Empathy

Post Reply New Topic

I find I cannot watch movies or read fiction books if they trigger sad emotions. I know they are not real but I cannot help it. I feel there is enough sadness in the world dealing with real-life situations involving family, friends and even world/local news. I don't understand how people can subject themselves to watching sad movies or reading books. Why do people want to be sad? I tend to avoid most movies or fiction books. I don't like surprises when there is twists in story-lines that trigger sad emotions.

i don't know if i have empathy with other people so much as sympathy as others have said. I believe that if I have actually shared similar experiences then, yes I can empathize. I am usually filled with profound sadness when listening to people tell me they've gone through similar experiences to me. I have always noticed that when reading fiction I pick up and take on the emotions of the characters in the book very well. it's funny how it colors my thoughts for the duration of reading the book. I felt such an affinity with the characters of "The Sun also Rises", that I seriously wondered if i had lived during that time in a past life!! Silly, I know. But I think it would have been great to be a socialite in 1920's Paris....Ok, drifting off topic....

I'm completely confused when it comes to the whole empathy thing. Some people use the word synonymously to sympathy. In such case, I have empathy. I am more detached than others though, which ironically causes some friends to come to me for advise since they know they'll get an honest opinion, even though I care. If, however, empathy means the ability to "mind read", I'm in almost complete lack of empathy, but still have sympathy.

The annoying thing with this inconsistent use of the word "empathy", is the existence of psychopaths. Most people associate lack of empathy with psychopathy. But a psychopath doesn't lack empathy in the "mind reading" sense - on the contrary, he (or she) has an abundance of it. He knows exactly what to do to make others miserable. To know that, he has to know how to produce the opposite result too, but chooses to make people miserable. Except the people he allies himself with, who tend to love him because he's charming, fun and makes them feel happy. So that's an overabundance of empathy - most people have no idea how to manipulate other people's feelings that efficiently. Everyone does it to some extent, but the psychopath is the master of it, while an autistic person very often is in the opposite end of the "spectrum".

So with this definition, the psychopath will have empathy but not sympathy, while the average autistic person would have sympathy, but not empathy. If they mean the same thing, which it does in common speech, distinguishing the two is made difficult. I really hate that, when media can report one day that "serial killer such and such is thought to have antisocial personality disorder, popularly known as psychopathy, which is characterized by a complete lack of empathy", and then the next day there's an article about autism, saying "one of the core symptoms of autism/asperger's is lack of empathy". Most people would then think autism is something similar to psychopathy. And in reality, they are pretty much complete opposites.

I am confused about what empathy is as well. I feel like I am VERY VERY empathic of characters in TV shows or movies, yet not at all in real life. I always thought something was wrong with me because of this. If one of my friends is crying in front of me I just want to run away, yet I feel great and deep emotions that more or less overcome me when watching films. Movies and TV have helped me understand people. I don't know why this doesn't translate to reality.

Regarding TV shows and movies: I tend to cry (or rather almost cry), but in the wrong places. Kind of embarrassing when I'm with others. If they notice, they usually don't get why I'm touched, and when they're in tears, I'm usually not affected. Ceremony, for example, can make me cry, independent of the context. The scenes that are meant to make people cry usually don't, except in a few cases - it could be it's due to them being so obviously designed for it, which makes go into an "oh, for goodness' sake" mode. If they weren't overemphasized like that, they'd probably affect me more.

OMG, I never knew there was a name for this! I have this as well. I can't hang out with angry/depressed people for too long before I start to feel that way myself. I don't really care what the other people are going through. It's just like their auras seep into mine or something.

Understanding of a person's feelings (sympathy) = you need to have experienced it in some way to understand (feelings)
Congruent to your own feelings (empathy) = you don't know what it's like, but you feel it anyway

There are two parts to Empathy, and this is typically where a Sociopath and someone with AS/Autism would differ.

There is Cognitive Empathy, which is actual ability to place oneself in someone's else's shoes, in order to determine how they might feel in a given situation. This is the Sociopath's strength.

Then, there is Emotional Empathy, which for some Auties/Aspies, is quite strong. This involves feeling/taking on the emotions of another person...it's often described as the other person's emotions being contagious.

Personally, I feel that Sympathy has two parts, as well, and I would also describe them as Cognitive and Emotional. I'd say "Emotional Sympathy" is feeling pity for someone else's bad situation, and wanting them to feel better. I'd say "Cognitive Sympathy" is the ability to offer support to that person. While those with AS/Autism do often possess that "Emotional Sympathy", it seems that "Cognitive Sympathy" is all but impossible.

Why do you keep posting this? You tried to defend these definitions with a Wikipedia article, which is no way supported what you're claiming here. These definitions are WRONG, and you are going to seriously confuse people by continuing to post them.

Although it's not required to have actually experienced the same thing as the other person for either definition, it's far more common to have actually experienced the same thing when you are feeling empathy.

I will break this down, again:

Sympathy: Feelings of concern or pity that result from seeing another person in a bad situation, or when that person has verbalized their situation to you. You need not have experienced what they are going through in order to feel pity for their situation. Often going along with Sympathy is an attempt to console the person. Sympathy is often expressed directly to the other person, by saying something like: "I'm so sorry for your loss..."

Empathy: Sharing or experiencing the same emotion as another person. You see that person sad, so you feel sad...you see that person crying, so you cry, etc etc. Empathy is almost like 'emotional contagion,' where you may or may not have experienced the same thing as the other person (but empathy is usually stronger if you have), but you take on their emotional state. Empathy is rarely expressed directly to the person...you would be unlikely to comment: "I have empathy for that person," because that simply means, "I'm feeling sad because they are sad." The common term "sympathy pain" is actually a misnomer, because it is empathy, not sympathy, which involves feeling what the other person is feeling. But, since empathy isn't a word commonly exchanged in a social context, I guess "empathy pains" wouldn't have the same ring to it.

Sympathy and Empathy aren't mutually exclusive, but they can and often do occur without the other. Some Empaths can take on the emotions of someone else, but have no idea why that person is feeling that way. Doctors often have sympathy for their patients, but not empathy, because that would make their job exceedingly difficult.

Movie example: If a girl's boyfriend just broke up with her in the movie, and she is crying, and you whisper "what a jerk", you are being SYMPATHETIC toward the character. However, if you are crying as a result of the character's tears, you are being EMPATHETIC toward the character.

Thanks, that makes sense. Now if just most people and even some doctors could learn the difference...

On an amateur level though, I'd perhaps even divide Emotional Empathy into two groups, or make a subgroup called Intellectual Emotional Empathy or something like that. I rarely feel the emotions of others. I do, however, intellectually feel for them (as in analyze their situation, realize this is a bad or good situation, and acknowledge their feelings in that situation), and thus also want their situation to stop (if it's bad) or continue (if it's good). So it's not touchy-feely empathy, but it has the same practical effect on my attitude towards the person. Perhaps that should be put into one of the sympathy categories, I don't know. Very bad situations may make me feel someone's emotions, though, and when that happens, it's usually overwhelming to the point of pushing me into a depression. If I realize I really hurt someone, that happens. When reading stories about severely unfair treatment due to disability, that happens. And so on. It has to be serious. Unjust actions (down to someone getting a parking fine when they didn't actually break the parking rules) can make me very angry, but that's more like righteous anger - I feel intellectual pity for the victim, and a very emotional anger against the perpetrator.

Also, weirdly enough, despite my pity/feeling for someone more often being intellectual than emotional (and hence I'd probably score lower in those categories, despite my reactions having the same effect - I think that's a weakness in the questionnaires), I have a certain ability to offer support. Not emotional support though, I panic when people cry. For that sake I panic when they're overly happy, too, especially if they start hugging me for no apparent reason (I have one friend who does that, I had to tell her to lower her hug frequency at a point because it stressed me out). However, due to my semi-detachment, combined with intellectual sympathy, I am, as I mentioned, often able to provide a counseling type of support. So people may not come to me to have a shoulder to cry on, but some friends do come to get advise. I'm good at remote-analyzing people (I've done that my whole life to figure out how to interact with them the next time we meet), so I can usually help people to figure other people out if I know them both. I also know a girl who probably has AS (but don't want to admit it), but isn't great at analyzing people. We often drink beer while I help her figure out people. Then when we meet them, with none of us managing to turn that knowledge into practice very well, but at least we're aware why the person acts like he or she does.

So I don't fit quite into those categories either, but they do make sense. Making categories for every peculiarity is impossible, I guess

What you are describing is Sympathy. That feeling of pity and desire to offer support are the hallmarks of Sympathy. So, your Intellectual-Emotional Empathy = Sympathy.

That's what I partially suspected, but I'm getting more and more confused since not even professionals who should know this (darnit!) manage to be consistent in their vocabulary. Much less regular people - empathy and sympathy are commonly viewed as synonyms in my language, at least, and both are also widely used. Empathy is just more "fancy", so people use it to seem intelligent. Just like "ethics" vs. "morals", but those have very clear and non-confusing definitions, despite 80% of the population just believing ethics to be a fancy/intelligent version of the same word. Still the dictionary meanings (for both word pairs) are the same as in English, so there really shouldn't be a difference in usage. And also, people keep referring to pity as a feeling, which for me is sometimes true and sometimes not. It's just as often an intellectual decision, or attitude, so to say. Useful, since I could detach easily when I worked in a funeral home. Useful for giving advise without having feelings shift my opinion too far, which would've made it useless. And it's also useful (and probably a good sign) that I can turn the pity *on*, not just off. This is giving me a headache!

I can detach myself to listen. I think I know what that break is now. In something I just posted.

That's me too. I lose sleep over newspaper articles, especially those involving animal cruelty. I love animals and would love to help in some way, but I fear having to deal with the subject, at first hand, would signal the end of me. The suffering of the innocent just really affects me. I remember several years ago seeing a news broadcast, about civil war in Sierra Leone. I was on holiday and it was on BBC World. I felt physically sick for days and it still affects me today. When I came home, I found that no-one I spoke to had heard about it. I don't know whether it was broadcast and it didn't make any impression on them or if it wasn't broadcast at all in the UK.

I am a man... reading this in a public place (B&N cafe)... and just reading your description alone made a tear come.