Over Compensating Much?

Post Reply New Topic

Does anyone else over compensate against their Aspie compulsions/ dispositions?

I have developed a very active social life with 5000 friends on facebook and a real friendbase of about 500 of these that I see regularly and know quite well. And about 120 very close intimate friends. I have also put my self in the centre of attention many times doing radio shows on multiple stations, doing tv work, performing in front of hundreds of people..None of this is natural to me.. I used to be the biggest outkast in so many schools and situations growing up. Now I put myself in these situations and then have the most painful failings! because I put my self in that situation that I cant handle naturally. When the potion (the spell I cast) wares out unexpectedly I am on the edge of a cliff, naked pissing my pants. LOL

I even went so far as to become a complete slut when all I have ever wanted is to find a lifelong partner..

I believe it works both ways. I have suppressed my urges to specialize and obsess in/about any one subject for too long and I believe this drive in its self became an obsession in its self, striving for absolute complete variety and fighting any sort of routine. Routine is terrifying to me now, partly because I fear the moment i mess up the routine.. I always do! But all that means is that I have become mediocre/competent at many different things.. The funny thing is i still have a primary main talent for Metaphysical analysis and communication. (I should not be this good at expression?) I see things that no one else seem to notice.. I am trying to do a million things at once and doing them all badly but the Ideas that drive them are inspired!

Our brains are stamped with this 'all or nothing' style of thinking; every interest or activity I engaged in I was always late to the party so to speak. I spent early 20s abstaining from alcohol and by the time I was 30 I made a real mess of myself making up for lost time. My story can be summed up by late development walking; at 19 months I took my first steps running

Yeah. And "all or nothing," for me, it's 50% blessing, 50% curse, wildly oscillating.

Ill second this!!

I over-compensate for my dyspraxia with ninja fast reflexes. Some days there is no ninja to back me up and I'm all clutz. Usually I'm so accident prone that I've learned to catch things that are falling, stop things that are falling, prop up the bottom of everything I carry, etc. So it looks very cool sometimes if I catch stuff but usually people focus on the fact that I dropped something in the first place.

i live a routine free life. it's one of my biggest problems. there's nothing i do on a schedule normally so when it comes to work or school i have a lot of trouble sticking to the set schedule.

i've never had a schedule for things like sleeping, eating, etc. my mom was a pretty crap parent and she didn't care if her 8 yr old was still up at 5am on a school night. she also didn't feed me so i pretty much ate whenever i found food, remembered to be hungry or my sisters took pity on me.

this is troublesome now because i often go days (literally) without sleeping and forget to eat for 20+ hours at a time. sometimes i try to change it by doing a complete turnabout. i try to schedule everything (i used to make minute to minute schedules when i was a kid.)

the only trouble is that i have a real poor sense of time so i cant actually feel time passing. ten minutes and two hours are the same thing to me. so i've tried to overcompensate occasionally by wearing a watch and checking it nonstop, lol. not good for interacting with people. everyone assumes you're bored or late.

A lot of my behaviour these days is the result of challenging my original impulses. I'm usually scared to jump into a special interest because I sense it could be a black hole. Whenever I do any music, I keep thinking "focus on the artistic merit, not on the precision or the gadgets." I communicate very differently now compared to how I used to - a lot of the bluntness is made more palatable, I try hard to avoid data-dumping on people, I'm always thinking about what they've said and what feelings they might have had.

I know a guy with a lot of Aspie traits who has loads of friends and is rarely alone. I know a woman with Aspie traits who was almost obsessional about going to parties and fitting in with NT expectations. Another guy has chosen voluntary work that forces him to approach people he doesn't know and invite them to things and get co-operating with them. There's a lot of envelope pushing and some of it is pretty extreme.

How is it even possible to have 120 close intimate friends? Surely there wouldn't be enough hours in the day to get to know them properly?

This....

I think my upper limit has been... two.

You're on the wrong forum.

i had loads of friends before i deleted my Facebook, i didn't really like any of them honestly, i have a few true friends dotted about so like whatever, i had bad experiences with a few people who i thought was good friends.
and somebody said, "we are wired for all or nothing" Why would anything less ever be conceivable?
i can get as many friends as i want, but like they aren't friends, not in the nt sense, to me they are like numbers on a phonebook each with their own flaws and perfections, but not in the nt way with like trust and companionship, the awkward moments are too frequent, i never liked any of my "friends" i thought the song by blur charmless man summed up my old life very well

I can DEFINITELY relate to the ALL OR NOTHING mindset!! !! !

Just wanted to say that.

Hmmm........120 very close intimate friends.........even with no time spent on the self or the crowd of ordinary friends, and no job, studies or personal special interests, that's still only 8 minutes a day per intimate buddy. It would be a miracle for an NT with a brilliant memory to keep that together. For an Aspie, it would be even harder.
Here's some kind of a benchmark on what's said to be normal in the UK:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/7920434.stm
"They usually consist of an inner circle of five "core" people and an additional layer of 10, he says. That makes 15 people - some will probably be family members - who are your central group and then outside that, there's another 35 in the next circle and another 100 on the outside. And that's one person's social world."

To the guy that said I am on the wrong forum: That actually hurt my feelings. I did not join this site to be rejected by other people like me..

I have spent my whole life learning to make friends. I did not have what I would call a real friend my own age until I was 15. There may have been 1 or 2 exceptions.

I have 120 close friends. Real friends. I do not need to see them every day or every week or even every month in some cases. I have spent my whole adult life collecting them. I set my mind to it (unconsciously) and I achieved it but it has not cured my Aspergers or made my life easy!! !! !! !

In many ways it creates new problems!

Some of you other Aspies need to stop comparing yourselves to NTs. I have never had the luxury until now at age 28 because I was always under the impression that i ought to be normal. I couldnt work it out!

I intend to embrace my individuality and hold my head high. I know how to be a friend and keep a friend and 99% of it is about regard. Also it depends what society you are in I live in a very eagalitairan friendly and peaceful society for the most part here in New Zealand. In England I felt desperatly alone a lot of the time. A fresh start can be very good.

Please do not make me feel unwelcome because I had the worst time in school with the other kids. I have 120 friends you probably have a PHD in mathematics or something and a well paid job. Please do not envy me. I am in a terrible situation in many other ways.