New female possible Aspie. UK.

Post Reply New Topic

I think that because AS is a developmental disorder it is usually spotted at developmental stages when milestones aren't reached. If it isn't then I think it can go unnoticed until the stage where socialising becomes important as an older child and teen. I think this is particularly the case for women with Aspergers, who tend to have a higher diagnostic age than men.



It may not count from a professional point of view, but it lends weight to your own feeling that you might have Aspergers.



I think depression is a very common issue for people on the spectrum, for many people the two conditions go hand in hand. I'm glad you met the right person in difficult circumstances. You've obviously worked very hard academically even when you were unwell.



Sorry I got confused about that bit. You are obviously managing great just now, but I think it's always good to have the opportunity for extra support if you should require it. There is a possibility that they won't diagnose you, but I think that it is worth a try. The fact that previous professionals have suggested AS leads me to think that the next professional you deal with will feel the same. You could go and see your GP, or approach the pastoral care team at your University.



I'm sure it won't. I'm not even sure it will mean that for me either, often I become anxious about things with no evidence that what I'm worrying about will actually occur. I think if you have been depressed in your teens and well as an adult then you have nothing to worry about. I'm sure by the time you have your children you will be a highly educated professional and that will certainly help your case. I think that in real life I come across as a little simple minded and that Social Services might think I am incapable and I've also had mental health problems right into my mid twenties including repeated suicide attempts although I am absolutely fine now.

Yes I am very lucky to have a long term relationship. I think people with AS can have successful relationships but they take a lot of work, especially when it comes to communication. It can certainly be done though

Maybe you're right, it does seem that Women get diagnosed a lot later than Men with AS.



This is true. I suppose it's worth mentioning when I go to get the diagnosis as it might count. It can't do any harm can it?



Indeed, I have seen that many people on the spectrum have/had suffered from psychological issues like depression. My depression was very severe, however I only tried to commit suicide once, but I was depressed before and after for a few years. The attempt lead to me being in an Adolescent Psychiatric Hospital. After I left, I found it very hard to work. This meant that I really underperformed. Somehow, my work ethic wasn't the same - I was obsessed with 'Maths' so I did very well, however I really couldn't force myself to work for Biology and Chemistry, subsequently resulting in getting a B and C respectively. I should've got AAA so yeah, I really didn't do well.

Even in my first year of BSc Mathematics (which I've just completed), I found that I got too overwhelmed by the amount of work that I needed to do and I was terrified of failing. This meant that sometimes, I'd try and read a textbook but I'd cry because of feeling overwhelmed, and then get more stressed out because I'm crying and I can't read! Does anyone else understand this? It makes no sense to me, and I don't understand why I get like it.



I'm really not managing very well right now... I don't have depression, but throughout my first year I struggled mentally and physically; the doctors thought that I had CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), but they couldn't refer me as there isn't one in the area. I'm less fatigued now that it's the holidays, which makes me wonder if it is or not. If it's not, I don't know what it is, and nor do the doctors. I really do think that I need some help from the Pastoral Care Services at University.

University work is also very hard for me because I learn things, which means that I find application of knowledge very hard, and most of the exams are application of knowledge. Also, taking lectures is tricky as I'm awful at remembering things that someone has said to me, which means that I try and write everything that the lecturer says down. But this isn't always possible as they talk fast and I can't summarise - I try and write everything word for word. Does anyone else have this problem? My bf suggested that I get a dictaphone, so that I can fill in the gaps when I get back after lectures, so I'm definitely going to try that!

The social aspect isn't a challenge for me at University surprisingly - I spend all of my time with M, especailly my first year as we were on the same course, and we didn't go out 'socialising' at the University once. We do however go Karting (petrol go-karts) twice a month, which we both enjoy, but obviously we're together, and M knows when I'm feeling uncomfortable etc, so he can help me feel better.

Now that I've been volunteering in a School since my exams have finished (9 weeks in total), I've found socialising hard. I don't really want to speak to people at break or lunch, and I don't really understand why you have to say "Hello/Good Morning" to people that you don't know whilst you walk down the corridor :S. I have however learnt to smile at people everytime you see them - I've watched NT's do it all the time, and I think it's convincing!



You're right. I don't think that Social Services will be interested in me as I don't have any mental health issues anymore (I'm no longer clinically depressed - without M I probably would be however), and if we did have a child, M's NT (well he has a lot of Aspie traits - probably why we get on so well), so there's no reason for them to get involved... I hope.



I agree, they definitely can have successful relationships. I've had a couple before M, but they weren't serious and I didn't feel comfortable in them - I always wanted time to myself, they didn't really understand me, and well, I broke up with them because of all this. However with M, everything is different. We both can see it lasting - I have absolutely no reason to break up with him, and he says the same thing. I don't need 'alone time' for some reason :S. He completely understands me. Yes, sometimes I upset him by being too blunt (which I really hate - upsetting someone you really care about is horrible), but he knows that I don't mean it, and I don't sleep until he's happy again. I find it hard to know exactly what to do, and sometimes I don't realise that it was me, but I always try and succeed in the end.

Can I ask, in what way do you feel that you have to "work hard, especially when it comes to communication?"

I think it helps that M has a lot of Aspie traits - I don't think that he is an Aspie, but he really has a lot of traits!

It could be that you are fatigued because you are making a huge effort at University. I think for people with Aspergers the effort of simple every day stuff can be quite exhausting.



I think a dictaphone is a good idea. I have exactly the same problem. I find it hard to summarise, either leaving too much in or taking too much out. In discussions I've seen on WP I think that is the case for quite a few people here.



Not understanding the point of social niceties is a very Aspie trait. I think it's certainly worth making the effort to smile though. Again, this is something that you have to put in constant effort for, which can be tiring.



I'm sure they won't.




It sounds like you have found someone that you work well together with. I think my issues with communication are partly because I understand things in a very literal way and partly because I struggle to respond correctly to emotions and understand what my fiancé needs or expects from me.

For example, if he kisses me and says 'Would you like an early night tonight?' it would be clear to NT women that he is suggesting intimacy. My reply when he asked this was 'No, I'm not tired. You can go if you like, I'll probably just stay up for a bit and watch TV'. I'm also incapable of initiating sex unless it involves saying 'Would you like to have sex now?'. To avoid confusion we just actually ask now, it isn't very romantic but it means we both know where we are!

With emotional response, my instinct is to offer a solution. This is quite a 'male' thing to do and I know a lot of women find it frustrating because they want support or a hug, not a solution. I tend to think very practically. For example a friend of my fiancé from his home town is very sick and she may die. She has a 10 year old daughter and it is a horrible situation. When my fiancé became upset about it, and said 'it's so sad, her daughter is so young' I focussed my mind on the practical and told him yes it was very sad, but that I was sure there was a plan in place for someone to look after her daughter. He had to tell me that he just wanted a hug really.

Another problem is that I struggle to identify and name my emotions. Sometimes I get very upset but I genuinely do not know why, and that is difficult for him. Sometimes it takes a long time for me to process emotions after an event as well. I often can't tell him how I'm feeling about things. I also can't tell how he is feeling because I can't read facial expressions!

Despite all of that, we've managed fine for nearly 5 years now and we wouldn't have got engaged if we didn't think we could make a marriage work. I think the fact that we already make an effort at communication is a good thing and that we are less likely than other couples to stop communicating and fail to notice it.

Ummm...I'm not sure if I will ever get a professional diagnosis. When i first read about AS I felt like "that..so that's whats wrong with me"..I was relieved..but then I took one of those online tests and it confirmed that I was an aspie..and bam all of a sudden I was depressed about the finding..I mean what's wrong with me all of a sudden I felt like I had some serious problem...but then beong here and reading about what others have to say does make me feel a lot better.

I too get so depressed sometimes and I feel like maybe dying was the best option..I even try to come up with a logical answer to my extreme urge, you know? I completely hate socialising...and what I hate even more is why can't I socialise like normal people..it can be really frustrating sometimes.

In uni, I find it hard to understand what the teacher is trying to tell but then somehow I've gotten better at taking notes, actually it's just that my speed has improved a lot..and then I can only concentrate in the subjects that I like...like I don't score bad but that doesn't feel like the best I can give..I feel like my condition has worsened since I joined my university.

I actually don't understand the concept of friendship and exactly whom am I supposed to call a friend?!

Sorry I'm ranting in your post...but do you feel the same way?

Just by reading approximately 3/4 of your post, I could already align myself with your traits. I'm not diagnosed yet, however I'm due to have my diagnostic assessment sometime this month or the next. Basically, what I'm saying is that if I get diagnosed with AS, then it is very likely that you have AS too; your traits are like mine if not even more prominent...I think you should probably seek a diagnosis.

Hey LD! You sound autistic! Cool! Do something I'm too chicken to do...

...ask for a diagnosis.