Not the best year ever.

Post Reply New Topic

i was diagnosed with aspergers in january and my mum died at easter, now my stepdad and sister never want to talk to me again. I feel lonely and a mess and struggle not to blame myself for everything thats wrong. I couldn't face going back to university and my lifes spiralling. Havn't posted for a good while but needed to talk.

Can I pry? Why did you father and sister stop talking to you?

Er...this all goes back a long way, indulge a bit of family history. Me and my sister were adopted, when i was 3 my adopted parents divorced and my mother brought us up for 3 years. When i was 6 or 7 my mum married my stepdad. Now I still saw my adopted dad as dad as i grew up whereas younger sister saw my stepdad as dad really having only known him. My adopted dad came every sunday to take us out, on the up side he was patient, generous and had an irreverant sense of humour, on the down side he was a bit unreliable, took us to pubs and thought a day out was an afternoon at the arcade...he was my hero. My stepdad on the other hand was angry, impatient, totalitarian and extremely possessive of my mum. He hit me an hour after the wedding for calling him by his first name and insisted I call him dad, this was the beginning of a battle of wills between us and deep resentment grew on both sides. To cut a long, miserable and violent story short, i rebelled left home and didn't have much to do with them for years.

Years later my sister decided she wanted nothing to do with my adopted dad and grew closer and closer to my stepdad, i however still loved my adopted dad and at his request tried to reunite them. This proved my undoing, it caused stress between me and my sister and one day we had a row. She said our adopted dad loved me much more than her, which I told her was rubbish. I then told her i felt unloved by my stepdad and my mum as a kid and that they loved her. Now I dont think either of us meant it literally, it was said in anger and in light of painful memories that had been discussed.

My sister went straight to my mum and stepdad and told them i said they didn't love me. I hadn't said that, i'd said i'd felt unloved as a child, but the damage was done. And to make it worse my mum died a few months later. I was the only one there, holding her hand, and i got the chance to say i did love her. I felt reconciled with her at the end.

Things with my sister are terminal she never wants to talk to me again and my stepdad says there is no love lost between me and him and that i am "evil". So now I have no family exept my adopted dad, and my sister has only my stepdad. The result of my attempts to bring my adopted dad and sister together.

Well its a bit lengthy but you did ask Make of it what you will.

2006 came off to a rough start, for me, but it's ending on a smooth road.

I'm feeling less emotional than a few days ago, I guess things always seem better after some sleep. Having written things down makes me feel less bottled up too.

Yup, it'll always be like that. Time heals all, mostly (and without a time frame)

Your situation is difficult. I wouldn't give up on it. Maybe wait for some more time to go by to let your sister cool down. Caustiously talk to her after you think enough time has passed, but do it gently and do not let it get up to anger levels

thats sad.

Pixel8, you did the right thing. I can't see anything wrong with your actions ... had that been me in your shoes, I would have done the same. I can only suggest what's already been said : just hang in there. Things can improve, and time mellows people out. I also think you need to focus a bit more on repairing things with your sister, and leave your stepdad to simmer for a bit. Don't try to fix everything in one go. Hope things work out for you!

I am glad 2006 is almost out of here, its been a shitty year for me. I lost my best friends, my cat of 13yrs, and then got moved to a place I hate. Then right before work slowed down for my dad, he took a big loss in pay and then right before Christmas my dads work tractor freakin' required a $10,000.00 repair. All I can say is I hope that 2007 is a better year for both my family and myself.