I think my co-workers fear me

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I have worked at the same pizza place as a driver for the last 10 years. I have worked as a pizza delivery driver 16 of the last 19 years. Its the only kind of job I have been able to hold for an extended period of time. I deal with depression but its not really bad most of the time. I don't often smile. I'm very creative. I have lots of drawings for machines I would like to build, test, patent and manufacture. As a kid I imagined a manufacturing business, driving home in a Ferrari to a house out in the country with a beautiful wife, kids, cats, dogs animals and Mustangs in a pole barn. My life has been the opposite of that. No wife, kids, Ferrari, manufacturing business or pole barn with Mustangs in it. I have started a lot of projects but loose interest in them 1/2 to 3/4 way through it and stop. I haven't had a date in 11 years, but in high school I was often asked out on dates by nice looking gals but had to say no because of the very strict church we went to at that time which did not allow dating outside of the church. I have had a terrible run of bad luck living in this town the last 17 years with a stalker, a death threat from a drug dealer and a bunch of cops that harrassed and tried to frame me in 2005. I haven't filed my taxes since 1993. I feel like I'm in a hole I can't climb out of. Because of depression and some other health problems I have lived with my mom every year of my life accept from age 23 to to age 28. I'm now 45. I do get angry once in a while if I have a run-in with a mean customer, but it is not often. My mother has been a miserable person to live with, with her oppositional personality, angry outbursts and controlling, demeaning, demeanor. She has an extremely strong and dominant personality. She won't take a word of criticism from anyone. If you try to speak it she gets really mad really fast. She is now almost 76 and is slowly mellowing out and easier to live with now than in the past. I tell things to my brother, that bothers me, and he then tells her what I said. I have had a total of 10 years of therapy in my life. The last segment of it ended 2 years ago. Everything that could be talked about was covered. Most of the time at work I"m quiet and I wonder if that makes my co-workers uneasy? I don't have any kind of criminal record, no guns, no knives. Once in a while co-workers will ask me if I'm doing o.k. At the previous pizza place that I worked at, I told several of my co-workers if they see an angry look on my face to just assume I'm not angry at them and to ignore me.

I gotta ask, as a driver, you probably spend most of your working hours alone. And the time you spend picking up the pizzas isn't really a lot of time "in the office" so to speak. So when would you even have the time to frighten them or feel they're frightened of you? I'd assume you're mostly off on your own.

I've been told when I'm working that I look angry. Am I supposed to drive around with a big smile like the ladies you see doing synchronized swimming? I don't think so. One thing info is when I go by someone, I just nod and give a small smile towards them; don't even have to make eye contact all the time. This seems to help.

In the tense world we live in, where odd people end up commiting terrible atrocities, I think it makes a bad rap for anyone who doesn't fit in. Make a conscious effort to display some kind of congenial expression or say good morning; it doesn't have to be deep or personal to help.

Just putting in my thoughts here...

I have noticed that NT's assume that if you aren't smiling and talkative, and seem to be lost in your mind, that you must be angry or upset about something. I think this is because when they are upset, this is the way they behave.

I have also noticed with NT's that if a person in the group tends to be a little odd and depressed, and not very talkative, they don't know how the person is feeling at any given time, or how they will react to things that everyone else says or does. So then they become afraid that they will offend the quiet person and incur some horrible wrath.

I think that you should just be yourself, though. If anybody asks you if you're angry or something, maybe tell them that you are just introverted but are otherwise content and easygoing?

You actually want people to fear you a little. It stops bullying because they fear a show of overwhelming force to counteract what they did to you. For this reason I allow people to be afraid of me sometimes. Not the nice ones, mind you, but the ones who always wish to assert themselves as dominant in the situation. If you don't try to talk down to me or belittle me, I am the nicest guy in the world to you. Otherwise, I use a measured amount of veiled threats to make the person think twice about screwing with me. They don't have to know that I would back down if it came to it.

For the record, I also deliver pizza. I have done it for 17 years now and have seen my fair share of issues in the various stores I have worked in. Most of my issues came from seeming too vulnerable so that is why I don't let people see that side of me anymore.

I have cooked 1 million meals,, cut 80,000 thousand haircuts,, and driven a city bus for the last 11 years,, and the key to dealing with AS is do more not less,, interact with people every day you can,,, even thought it is difficult sometimes , no your limitations ,, I found out at age 54 I have aspergers,,, and I have always been social ,but the difference now, being diagnosed is,, I know I need to interact more, be more friendly, and I tell my customers, and co-workers I am autistic when needed, and you know what the bosses leave me alone,, the customers usually give me less crap,,and now i know after 2 divorces , I will never be married again,, yet, I know that my true friends, are the co-workers who treat me nice, as I treat them,,, more imput is better, Life is short, and I can not sit at home, and play chess, or play piano, etc alone all the time:0


Enjoy your life, and when your depressed ,, exercise, and chase your dog around the front yard etc:

Its nice being on this site,

and try to help and enjoy helping others with the same social difficulties:)

Have a great day all:)