How old was your kid when you knew?

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When kids are very small developmental delays are not as apparent or could just be considered "late", but as a pre-adolescent it becomes more obvious-at least this is the case with my daughter. In her current age group (9), there are a few kids I see who have peculiarities but I think I pick up on them more because I have so much experience with my daughter. Some even have asperger-ish traits (tics or obsessions) but you can tell their social skills are not affected. With my daughter, it is the (lack of) social/emotional reciprocity that stands out the most now. While she's anxiously hyper-aware of others, she seems to be insulated and isolated and content not to interact most of the time. She's the smart, quiet one that the other kids don't relate to. And she's perfectly ok with that.

I would be surprised if someone had Aspergers that only manifested as an adolescent. Obsessive interests to the exclusion of most other things and inability to socialise or pick up socialization would be noticeable before then(certainly in this day and age.) Also, my understanding is that these markers need to exist by a certain age otherwise it's not classified as Aspergers/Autism, which is why people often need to ask their parents what they were like as a child for their diagnosis.

My son was a seeming typical baby, he met all his milestones (sitting, crawling, walking, talking), early even, he slept, he ate. he did all the things a baby at his age should. The early 'markers' weren't even that alarming to us - he loved numbers and letters before his 2nd birthday which is seriously unusual but not something to panic about. The fact that he wanted to do the same thing over and over again and that he had very few, if any, friends when he was three was overshadowed by the fact that he was so good/talented in so many areas. Up until the day we took him to developmental paediatrician at 4 and a half, we still had no real idea of what was happening. It was only at the insistence of his kinder teacher that we did it (as she is not qualified to diagnose or even suggest in Australia, so it was a case of several people knowing but their hands were tied - gotta love bureaucracy). I will admit that by this age we knew his was 'different' for sure, not like the other kids but couldn't put our finger on it.

If she nurtured right, which sounds like she is, you like to think you have the next Marie Curie on your hands:)

Shellfish-- thanks for your response. It makes me think that I need to be careful not to be too hyper vigilant and assume everything about him is AS or some disorder or whatever. I think about him and my fathering ability almost as an obsession.

I can't be certain when I first knew because she had so many health issues at the onset. She stopped breathing from RSV at 6 weeks old. So I blamed somethings on well she was sick and needed to "catch up" from that.

There were a few things I picked up on before she got sick like I didn't understand why she hated to be held. She only wanted to be put down. I had postpartum depression so at first I thought she could sense my depression and it bothered her. But I started to notice she didn't want anyone to hold her.

She hated getting baths which seemed odd to me.

At 6 months I expressed my concerns to her ped. He suggested she was either deaf of autistic. Then he ran water to wash his hands. She instantly stiffened and screamed. I paid attention from that day forward and the ONLY sound she would react to was the sound of water and it was always a reaction of terror. (She hates water big shock).

At 1 I knew something was certainly wrong not just her being behind. Then a new ped due to insurance change insisted on full hearing testing before anything. By the time they did all that testing they had me wait till 2 to deal with her not talking or babbling. I mean my child never cooed or made any sound. She wasn't playing with a baby doll etc. My mom came at that time to visit and in 5 minutes knew something wasn't quite right with my baby.

She never did talk till 3.

This is a tough one for me to answer. In all honesty, I have probably ALWAYS known that something was off. My NT daughter was a very different child, and, quite frankly, a very difficult child. She always wanted to be held, constantly craved company, was curious, very active and ... Very difficult.

So, when my son turned out to be a calm baby, I was actually grateful. He slept through the night at 4 weeks and rarely cried. Even when he was hungry, his cries sounded like the meows of a newborn kitten - soft and pleading - compared to my daughter's "where are you, Mom ?" bloody murder cries at the same age. And, I could leave him for an hour or so while I got my housework done, with no protests from him. When I did pick him up, he would nuzzle my neck and gurgle, but he didn't insist that I hold him constantly, like his sister had before him.

He never pointed or waved bye - bye. But he was into social games and loved them. So, no problems that he had difficulty isolating his index fingers or had a difficult time bringing his hands together to clap or to wash ...or so I thought.

Then came the terrible twos.. Except that my son never tantrummed. He was easy to manage and he was more than happy to be left to his own devices. And when he began to lose his words, I didn't think much of it. I just believed that it was a "stage". My daughter had a difficult school year just around the time he turned 2 - and my attention was consumed in resolving her problems. My sweet, placid boy didn't mind Mama never being around much for him, and since he never protested and I was too wrapped up in my daughter's issues, I did not notice how odd it was that he didn't.

When his 3rd birthday rolled around with not a word out of his mouth, and I noticed him visually stimming on any object that he could get his little hands on, I FINALLY sat up and went "????" when I looked at him. BUT, I still did not really accept his diagnosis up until a few months ago. A part of me still won't believe it. My quiet, placid, loving baby... I look at his baby pictures and cannot believe it. The soft, cuddly little boy autistic ?

But the truth hits me almost instantly. His struggles to feed himself, his not even noticing his OT dressed up like a cat for their session yesterday while the other little kids were gasping at their therapists' costumes, his lack of protests when I leave him alone for a couple of hours while I get housework done, the supposed lack of sensitivity to even what I suspect is intense pain, the lack of language, his constant staring of trees and at fluttering flags, those horrible visual stims that break my heart to observe...

When I drop my son off at school, he goes in with a sweet smile. When I pick him up, I am greeted with the same sweet smile. And I know school must be incredibly difficult for him - it is difficult for me ! i am rambling now so will stop. That seeming indifference to a difficult situation and that enormously self-contained sense of peace & calm that just permeates from him..as if he holds worlds within ..

There are none so blind as those that will not see.

Same here. I have realized that most children feel out of control and dependent on the acceptance of others (that is why they are children), but I still felt slightly younger than kids my own age. The youngest I remember being like this when I was 3 or 4 starting preschool.
You can't be much younger than anyone at that age lol.

I was so inexperienced about babies, that I thought that all babies were as difficult as my eldest. She was really hyperaware from the beginning, she wanted holding and attention all the time. She had oesophageal reflux from birth. She needed feeding 5 times a night. She was the most miserable baby you can imagine, she cried for hours on end. It was like she hated being a baby and wanted to up and doing things, she would be so bored laying in her pushchair if you went for a stroll and stopped for a coffee. Then when she was an older baby, she had phobias about leaves blowing on the ground and would scream if I tried to wheel her pushchair over them, I had to divert around them. She was very slow to chew and needed me to feed her for a long time, and I noticed other people's babies could feed themselves. She just seemed a very hyper-sensitive baby, and from the beginning was really scared of noises, such as hairdryers, vacuums, motorbikes, sirens etc.

Then when I had my youngest, many of the things my eldest had done, she also did, but at slightly different stages, I thought she was different because in some ways she was quieter than her sister and seemed more placid. She started saying mamma at 6 months (I taught her) then all of a sudden she lost her speech and would only say mmm until after she was two. She also developed weird phobias. She also had oesophageal reflux as a baby but for a much shorter period than her sister. She was late to wean, late and slow to chew and the first sign I had of her later issues with food was the very first time I tried her with solids and she vomited as soon as the spoon touched her lip, before the food even got inside her mouth.

So in a way, it was from babyhood, but when people are telling you that you're worrying too much and everything's fine, you think you are just being neurotic. Now, as they have both had the meltdowns, social problems etc. etc. and are due to be tested for AS at ages 11 and 7, I wish I'd listened to my instincts from the beginning.

My son did not walk until he was almost 2 but he spoke in full sentences by 1.5 years old or so. He was reading and making his own little books by 4. He knew everything he needed to know for kindergarten BEFORE kindergarten! He was even very socialable and always gad friends over and yet teachers complained starting kindergarten that something was not right with him. We got him tested in 2nd grade to no avail. Again in 6th grade we were told to test him and again there were no results. It was until his 10th grade year when we were told to test him again that we finally got a diagnosis of AS!

My daughter is 3, and at 8 months I could tell something was off. She showed her first signs at birth, but I didn't hear the word "autism" til her 1 year checkup.

As soon as she was born, I tried to breastfeed her and she pulled away kicking and screaming. After a few hours of this I finally yelled at the nurses to give me a bottle (you know how maternity nurses are) and she took it, although very reluctantly. I'd say between then and 4 months of age I'd have to offer her the bottle 5-10 times before she'd finally take it. At 6 months she started eating baby food, then at 8 months just stopped. She was deathly afraid of solids, to the point where my mother would hang a bagel on the blinds to keep her from touching them. She started saying Mama and Dada at 5 months, then went totally silent.

I brought it up to her pediatrician at her 1 year checkup, and he said it looked like autism. She didn't say her first words til 18 months, (hi and yeah) then after I started her in therapy at age 2 she began vaguely trying to imitate speech. She's 3 now and just last month she started eating solids - just 2 kinds - canned mandarin oranges and shredded cheese. We fired her therapist last March because she wouldn't stop screaming at our daughter and UH I dunno about you guys but nobody screams at my kid, autistic or not.

My son was 8 1/2. I had the school evaluate him because he was having a hard time writing. He had a hard time learning to read, which seemed odd because he is a bright kid. He did learn to read at grade level (but it was a struggle). When it was time for us to focus on his writing, I knew there was an issue, but I thought it was a learning disability (which we confirmed he does have during the school evaluation). I did not suspect he was on the spectrum. He is very shy, reserved and a bit socially awkward, but so am I (I am NT). He prefers to be at home on his computer, but he does play well with other kids, and they enjoy his company. He is very well behaved and compliant. He has never had any behavioral issues at school, but he does dislike school. It was during the school evaluation that ASD was first brought up. He had been seeing a therapist at age 7 for anxiety, but we were able to work through that. Neither his therapist, his pediatrician, nor his Dad or I considered ASD, until the school evaluation. I started reading, and it seemed to fit (he does have sensory issues as well - sound/smell). His therapist and pediatrician agreed. He is 9 now and we just had him evaluated at UCLA and he was officially diagnosed.

My daughter is now 10 and I still don't know, but have very strong suspicions since learning about autism (due to a friend's daughter being diagnosed a couple of years ago).

She was a very easy baby. Cried very rarely - I would wake up in the mornings to find her happily playing in her cot. I used to read her a bedtime story every night and she never seemed to pay any attention, she preferred to be in her cot and would often have her back to me playing, until one day she came out with the next line to one of the stories. As a toddler she recited a very long poem from one of the books that I had only read a couple of times to the amazement of my husband and myself. I did have some concerns about her hearing at pre-school age as she often did not respond to me, but quite quickly dismissed them as she seemed to hear other things ok.
She was a little slow rolling over, sitting & crawling, although not significantly, but caught up and was walking at 10 1/2 months.

At school she picked up reading very easily, but had some difficulty with her handwriting and was given extra practice as it was messy (it's still not great, although it has improved somewhat). Her teachers have consistently said she is bright but this has not been reflected in her work. She has a tendency to either not write enough, not finish it or the quality is not what she is capable of, although this is not consistent. Various teachers over the years have explained this as her being a bit dreamy, only doing her best on subjects she is really interested in, motivation problems, being distracted etc. She loves science, IT and graphic art (she draws Manga style cartoons and copies characters from computer games she likes).

I have had concerns for the last year or two that she might be developing some problems with her classmates. She has made a few comments about playing on her own at breaks etc. and she never gets invited to parties or other children's houses. I have tried on a few occasions to invite other children over from the school, but these invitations are not returned. I spoke to her teacher last year and she seemed to think all was well, but this year my daughter has finally openly discussed bullying and we get the impression it has been going on for some time. She has called herself "weird" since reception, but all three of us are a little out of step with the world so we have always told her that she is not "weird", but being different is a good thing that makes life interesting. It broke my heart this week when she said "there's nobody else like me at school, why am I the only one like me?", especially as I remember how that feels and don't want her to have to go through that!

I am not entirely sure at what point something stops becoming a strong interest and becomes an autistic level of obsession. She will spend hours at a time doing whatever her current interest is or looking up related information online. Her current interest is Assassins Creed, she's not allowed the game (it's a 15/18 depending on the version) but has researched the gameplay, backstory, meaning of the characters' names, historical settings, Knights Templars etc. and her Christmas list this year is all related. She talks about it constantly and once started it is hard to get her to stop (actually I either have to bluntly tell her to stop or just leave the room and sometimes neither will work). Previous interests at this level included Minecraft and Roblox, both of which she still plays.

She quite often has difficulty following what is going on when we are watching television. For example, on a recent Big Bang episode, Wolowitz's wife had just contacted him on the space station and yelled at him for failing to tell his mum they were planning to move out of her house. Then his mum rang and when he told her she yelled at him so he agreed to stay. When his friends asked him when he was coming back to earth he said, "Never!". My daughter had no idea why he said he wasn't coming back. She asks those kind of questions a lot.

There are other things I could mention, but this is getting long.