Easing my boyfriend with Aspergers into family life...

Post Reply New Topic

Hi there, I have gotten involved with a man who has Aspergers and we are talking about the relationship getting more serious. I have two young children (4 and 6) and he is going to be coming to visit for a week or two. What are ways I can help his transition into a busy family life be more smooth and less overstimulating? Any suggestions or ideas? things I need to avoid? I really care about him and would love to make this work. I feel like I understand him and how aspergers affects his life but I just don't know how to tie that into family stuff so any help or ideas would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!!

I wish i had some more.

I would suggest that you make a space if you can that is just his own quiet space where he can go if the kids are too much or even you so he can recharge.
Also take the kids out to give him some alone time.
Do you have a dog? maybe he could walk it or go to the local supermarket for milk daily or something.
Organise structured activities to do with him and the kids daily....eg Wednesday:zoo, Thursday: Park. Make sure he is aware of the plans in advance and have them written down and displayed.
Same as above in regards to what meals will be had. What breakfast options ect.
Give him his own shelf in the bathroom for his things or if you say he can share yours, give him a detailed example...eg This is our everyday shampoo. The stuff here is special.
Give him an overview of all house rules no matter how small....eg can he have his feet on the sofa. do magazines go in a certain drawer. do you rinse dishes before stacking for washing or stack then rinse before washing ect

Prepare him as much as possible in terms of what to expect from your home situation and from your kids. Tell them about your kids' habits and tendencies so he won't be surprised when, for example, one is really messy and the other tends to be loud.

I also second the ideas on quiet space and providing structured activities with the kids, though I'd be wary of scheduling too much as once as this could lead to him feeling overwhelmed and burnt out.

Don't expect him to know something just because everyone else does. Bail him out if he doesn't know what to do.

I'd rather kill myself than take care of some other guy's children lol.

Has he ever been alone with small children before?

Out of my own experience when I got "decided for me" that I should babysit my nephew (2 years old at that time) and found myself in a "Hello! Thanks you're here, here's the kid, we have to run, bye!" situation I was really afraid to touch him because I was sure to break every single bone in his tiny body with my "manpower". Not to forget being sure I would go to prison for child molestation for changing his diaper and having to wipe the green jelly poo from his weener. Yeah I said it.

What I mean is, talk to him about how to properly take care of kids and -everything- that comes with that. He'll probably still treat them as porcelain dolls, but at least will have the confidence to "parent up".