AS Male/ People assume or ask if your gay constantly

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One thing I get a lot is people asking me if I am gay. Or asuming I am. I don't consider myself feminine but I am articulate and not into sports. Also I am not heavy handed with people or overly macho. People have often told me I remind them of Sheldon from the show Big Bang Theory and that they think he is gay. I swear this whole perceiving me as gay (which I don't even believe is a black and white objective thing) has followed me around since middle school.However I'm used to it now. If someone asks if I am gay I might as well say ok sure. I mean It's not like I'm having sex anyway.

I heard that all the time in school due to my very low (read: almost nonexistent) sex drive during my teenage years. I haven't had that problem lately, especially since I've started being a bit arrogant at work and I talk about finding a woman almost all the time. I'm starting to wonder if my clean apartment/car and overall good fitness sends off the 'vibes'. That, coupled with my love of children and by complete lack of ever having a relationship must make people think 'he must be gay. Why else would he still be single at his age?'

I too am not macho or particular masculine but I do have my moments: especially when you challenge my knowledge of my special interests! Watch out if you try to argue with something I know 100%!

From time to time, people assume I'm gay, I guess because I've never been married and rarely date.

I don't worry about it at all. What do I care what other people think? If I did care, I'd do a lot of things much differently like get a haircut every couple of weeks, buy new clothes regularly, iron them occasionally, go to popular bars and restaurants, go fishing and hunting much more often, get a new(er) car, attend weddings and funerals, clean the house, watch popular movies, ... .

Years ago, I used to work with someone who was gay but deep in the closet. He always kept his hair just perfect, wore fashionable clothes, ..., and he was a chick magnet. Go to a local restaurant at lunchtime and it seemed like every girl in her 20s and 30s couldn't keep their eyes off of him. I never really understood that.

I hate this, though to be fair, I do listen to girly techno music all the time. I'm really wondering if when people ask if I'm gay, if I should just say something stupid like "Why, do you wanna have sex with me or something?" Stupid question gets a stupid answer.

I've not figured out how to solve this problem.

One positive is that apparently girls do think I'm attractive and stuff, but I'm too oblivious 99% of the time to go "OH, she's been staring at me for like 5 minutes, she might like me."

Strangely enough I'm 100% straight but I was asked that on a number of occasions when I was living in the US (even when I was with a girl, but all the time in the UK I've never been asked, even when I went drinking with gay friends. I did ask in the US and they said I took too much care of my appearance (bit of gel, nice shirt and good aftershave (nice smell that doesn't overload me) was too much for most places in PA while in the UK I'd be classed as not taking enough care.

I am female, but used to get that a lot, especially when I was going through a long asexual phase. They never saw me with a guy, may have seen me hanging around other females, and decided that I must be gay.

The absolute best comeback if someones asks or accuses you of it?

Even if I were, I wouldn't want YOU!

I haven't gotten it a WHOLE lot, but I've been asked more than once if I was gay, and heard it a couple of times from people who said they heard someone else question it. And it's for the same thing as most of you -- I don't appear to be in a relationship or want children, therefore... Such a stupid assumption. The reason I didn't appear to be in a relationship is because I had to keep the one I was in for 15 years under wraps -- he was married. I've often wondered which would have shocked and offended my traditional conservative family more -- if I was gay or if I was dating a married man. Add all this to the fact that I'm not particularly feminine and pursue knowledge rather than shoes, and I guess that gets you labeled gay. It doesn't offend me -- I have no problems with gay people -- I just don't someone to think I'm gay and then either not ask me out (if he's hot) or try to fix me up with their gay niece or whatever.

Its a silly assumption that's usually formed if you don't have a female permanently around your arm or you act different from them. You're not another clone in society which makes you different, so different must mean gay right? As for the relationship thing I don't think its too healthy to be seeking out a partner all the time. I have a family member that does this out of insecurity and seems pretty unbalanced sometimes as a result of years of rushing into these things. So it seems illogical to me to seek out a relationship with anyone that will have me, especially for such petty reasons as validating my sexual preference.

This is the problem with having AS.

Basically girls hate boys with AS.
This leads to the boy not being to get a GF.
As a result of not having a GF, everyone thinks you're gay.

I have a very soft and kind of cute face and I try to be very kind to everyone around me (including men). This can make some people assume I am gay. A lot of women friends have been sort of touchy feely in terms of physical touch, lots of hugging, arm around one another, but at the same time not sexual, so I think that gives off impressions as well because a lot of gay guys and their "girlfriends" will do similar stuff. Though not many people from what I can tell assume that I am gay.

Oddly in elementary school up to like 3rd grade, almost all my friends were girls. Like the boys would be playing their caveman ball games and I'd be hanging out with the girls talking about Star Trek to them (they'd put up with it for some reason.) Then later, people pushed me to be like, with the boys, for no good reason, and then after that, foreveralone status forever.

But I think girls less hate me and are just more confused by me on many levels, partially them thinking I'm gay.

They do not. The opposite actually seems to be true in a lot of cases. The thing is people with AS are no good at asking people out or picking up the verbal ques. Also, girls like gay guys.

I'm a girl, not a guy, but I get this a lot ayway. People seem to assume that just because I've never had a boyfriend or fallen in love with anyone, I must be gay. There doesn't seem to be any other explanation to them. I can't even just say that I'd rather be single without people jumping to the conclusion that I'm gay. I think it has something to do with how I can't flirt with a boy to save my life, and generally miss out on any signals that they might be attracted to me- it ends up looking like I'm not interested in boys.

People ( women ) have asked me many times, over the last 25 years, if I'm gay.

They ask, not because I'm feminine, which I am not, but because I am perpetually single & that I shy away from offers of dates, etc'.

You see, people generally know about gay people, but don't generally know about other types of people.

So they see someone who is unusual & jump to the most likely conclusion, from their point of view.

As a gay male, let me add that sometimes we are just asking because we think you're handsome and there's really no way to know if a guy is or isn't without asking. A simple no will get us to leave you alone, but it really hurts when you make it sound like we are disgusting people when all we were trying to do was complement you.

Once, I was working in a factory and had the pleasure of working alone most of the time.


One day I find a note on my truck, from a woman, who wanted to meet me. That's odd - and rare.

So I did my research and, not being horny (sex is overrated) was objective about this person. She had 2 kids already, two different daddies.

Figuring this to be a learning disability, I simply didn't respond.

She went about telling everybody that I was gay.

What didn't help was that there were other men who were known to be gay and I did not do the obligatory shunning of their aquaintance. I treat everybody the same.


On another note, while I look dangerous for the most part, I am not out to "be a man", nor "be a woman" either. Heck if I was a disembodied brain in a jar hooked up to the internet, I don't think I would feel that much different except for perhaps a need for a goldfish as a pet or something.

Now that I think about it, if I woke up female tomorrow, aside from having some explaining to do ("where did you get the boobs?" or "oh, finally you shaved"), I feel as if my daily concerns and activities would not be that different from the previous day (aside from wondering what happened to Mr Winky since people just don't change sex spontaneously like that - but I don't feel like I would be freaking out).

What I have observed, and this makes me wonder, is that in the NT world, they put a lot of weight into what's between their legs and let that be a huge part of their personality and mindset. Unfortunately, around people like that, as a kid if a boy is not looking to dominate others, he will be picked on. Girls I am not so sure what they do to each other but I hear they can be cruel in other ways.

So I guess the adult version of this, since beating people up in the parking lot at an office or factory just for being different will get you shot, is to say that someone is gay.

So, not "trying to be a man every two seconds" equals: "gay".

Stupid NTs. But hey, no need to point it out. Look at the internet, the greatest communications medium in human history that can connect everybody and break down the walls of propaganda and lies set up by tyrants and oligarchs, and what do people do with it? They look at dirty pictures.