A Crush vs True Love
05 Oct 2012, 10:24 am
This is a question for the Aspie males:
Are you able to differentiate between having a ‘crush’ on someone and what you feel is true love?
If you do, do you act differently around the person on whom you have a crush and someone you truly love?
Or are those emotions too complex to describe to us mere NT mortals?
05 Oct 2012, 12:02 pm
MuffinWoman wrote:
This is a question for the Aspie males:
Are you able to differentiate between having a ‘crush’ on someone and what you feel is true love?
If you do, do you act differently around the person on whom you have a crush and someone you truly love?
Or are those emotions too complex to describe to us mere NT mortals?
Are you able to differentiate between having a ‘crush’ on someone and what you feel is true love?
If you do, do you act differently around the person on whom you have a crush and someone you truly love?
Or are those emotions too complex to describe to us mere NT mortals?
Yes I think I am able to differentiate that quite clearly, emotionally.
It just happens very seldom because you'll have it very hard to find somebody that suits it.
Well and you could also turn this into a question like. Can aspies feel true love or what do they feel... Is it different?
Probably a little.
Though you'd go for quite many that are interested in you and suit your character.
If that is a good thing I don't know.
The perspective is just much much worse
and it is quite probable that you'll get into trouble.
That's not a good premise at all.
Sad but true (for me)
05 Oct 2012, 12:02 pm
Society expects tolerance and compromise, but I have never once seen a person change, in their habits, approach, or temperament.
As such, compatibility can be systematized, like a points system, or like the pros v. cons charts. I know, I know, Keeping score is considered disreputable.
But, I am fairly clear about my expectations, do not punish people, passive aggressively, over a personal cause, which I cannot admit.
I also don't play a mind game, in which someone can never meet my expectations.
I am very much predictable, do not ask people to do things, which is out of character for them.
I do not differentiate between a crush and true love. If I have accepted you, I have accepted you,
But, this love may be unrequited, in the relationship, or before a relationship can even begin.
05 Oct 2012, 1:23 pm
I think there's a difference. I mean a crush is funny to talk to, because we usually get super nervous.
Think of it this way; Crush <--want want
Love <--concern over well being, and much less over yourself, hence it is somewhat easier to talk to them.
(Usually someone you've known for some time.)
Now it's not a good idea to go loving random strangers who are attractive to you, but it's really all in your head. You can decide who you love and who you don't. Just remember not to go off raving to yourself how much you love your crush when you barely know them. You can usually tell the difference between infatuation and love because on one side it's about you, and on the other it's about them.
Anyway, that's my opinion from my own experience.
05 Oct 2012, 1:29 pm
The opposite approach is problematic, in that acting overly-familiar is considered disrespectful.
Last edited by friedmacguffins on 05 Oct 2012, 2:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
05 Oct 2012, 1:35 pm
Dannyboy271 wrote:
I think there's a difference. I mean a crush is funny to talk to, because we usually get super nervous.
Think of it this way; Crush <--want want
Love <--concern over well being, and much less over yourself, hence it is somewhat easier to talk to them.
(Usually someone you've known for some time.)
Now it's not a good idea to go loving random strangers who are attractive to you, but it's really all in your head. You can decide who you love and who you don't. Just remember not to go off raving to yourself how much you love your crush when you barely know them. You can usually tell the difference between infatuation and love because on one side it's about you, and on the other it's about them.
Anyway, that's my opinion from my own experience.
Think of it this way; Crush <--want want
Love <--concern over well being, and much less over yourself, hence it is somewhat easier to talk to them.
(Usually someone you've known for some time.)
Now it's not a good idea to go loving random strangers who are attractive to you, but it's really all in your head. You can decide who you love and who you don't. Just remember not to go off raving to yourself how much you love your crush when you barely know them. You can usually tell the difference between infatuation and love because on one side it's about you, and on the other it's about them.
Anyway, that's my opinion from my own experience.
Ok, so who would you feel more nervous about approaching and asking for a date or you would be equally nervous?
05 Oct 2012, 2:20 pm
I've had several crushes but it's only this past week am I starting to realize what 'love' is. It's a much more amazing feeling that simply can't be put into words. There is a HUGE difference between the two at say the least as love is much more than about physical characteristics but more about deep concern for the other person as a whole.
05 Oct 2012, 2:26 pm
MuffinWoman wrote:
Dannyboy271 wrote:
I think there's a difference. I mean a crush is funny to talk to, because we usually get super nervous.
Think of it this way; Crush <--want want
Love <--concern over well being, and much less over yourself, hence it is somewhat easier to talk to them.
(Usually someone you've known for some time.)
Now it's not a good idea to go loving random strangers who are attractive to you, but it's really all in your head. You can decide who you love and who you don't. Just remember not to go off raving to yourself how much you love your crush when you barely know them. You can usually tell the difference between infatuation and love because on one side it's about you, and on the other it's about them.
Anyway, that's my opinion from my own experience.
Think of it this way; Crush <--want want
Love <--concern over well being, and much less over yourself, hence it is somewhat easier to talk to them.
(Usually someone you've known for some time.)
Now it's not a good idea to go loving random strangers who are attractive to you, but it's really all in your head. You can decide who you love and who you don't. Just remember not to go off raving to yourself how much you love your crush when you barely know them. You can usually tell the difference between infatuation and love because on one side it's about you, and on the other it's about them.
Anyway, that's my opinion from my own experience.
Ok, so who would you feel more nervous about approaching and asking for a date or you would be equally nervous?
If you are asking because you expect an aspie to react on your advances, and he likes you, then I am very certain that he'll be very nervous.
And if you react like this that you will complain kind of thing that nothing happens
you will put him into a very unpleasant situation.
He'll be sad after that and think all kinds of things that you never could imagine he would...
Well, the problem is that (NT) women will interpret this not acting man as improper partner or as unexperienced man. And then it will be over before it even started.
For me this getting nervous and this being falsely accused to not react is always a problem, no matter how well I know people and really like them, or whether it is just "fake love" (attraction) as described by Dannyboy271.
Apart from that I think that true love is never building really up unless you are together...
If I'd react normally then there is normally nothing I feel about a women. If I do I would behave strangely at least. Which will provoke the women in question to complain...
05 Oct 2012, 2:36 pm
onks wrote:
MuffinWoman wrote:
Dannyboy271 wrote:
I think there's a difference. I mean a crush is funny to talk to, because we usually get super nervous.
Think of it this way; Crush <--want want
Love <--concern over well being, and much less over yourself, hence it is somewhat easier to talk to them.
(Usually someone you've known for some time.)
Now it's not a good idea to go loving random strangers who are attractive to you, but it's really all in your head. You can decide who you love and who you don't. Just remember not to go off raving to yourself how much you love your crush when you barely know them. You can usually tell the difference between infatuation and love because on one side it's about you, and on the other it's about them.
Anyway, that's my opinion from my own experience.
Think of it this way; Crush <--want want
Love <--concern over well being, and much less over yourself, hence it is somewhat easier to talk to them.
(Usually someone you've known for some time.)
Now it's not a good idea to go loving random strangers who are attractive to you, but it's really all in your head. You can decide who you love and who you don't. Just remember not to go off raving to yourself how much you love your crush when you barely know them. You can usually tell the difference between infatuation and love because on one side it's about you, and on the other it's about them.
Anyway, that's my opinion from my own experience.
Ok, so who would you feel more nervous about approaching and asking for a date or you would be equally nervous?
If you are asking because you expect an aspie to react on your advances, and he likes you, then I am very certain that he'll be very nervous.
And if you react like this that you will complain kind of thing that nothing happens
you will put him into a very unpleasant situation.
He'll be sad after that and think all kinds of things that you never could imagine he would...
Well, the problem is that (NT) women will interpret this not acting man as improper partner or as unexperienced man. And then it will be over before it even started.
For me this getting nervous and this being falsely accused to not react is always a problem, no matter how well I know people and really like them, or whether it is just "fake love" (attraction) as described by Dannyboy271.
Apart from that I think that true love is never building really up unless you are together...
If I'd react normally then there is normally nothing I feel about a women. If I do I would behave strangely at least. Which will provoke the women in question to complain...
I'm in love with a man I suspect has AS, a truly lovely person. I know he has strong feelings for because even though I have suspected it for a while, those close to him have told me that he acts very differently around me and they can tell that he really likes me.
The problem is that he hasn't asked me on an official date, yet he is easily able to do that with most women - he has had a number of girlfriends.
When he called me on my birthday he was so nervous I could actually hear him hyperventilating on the phone.
So my question is: Why is able to easily ask other women on dates but not me even though he knows how I feel? (I told him as much)
05 Oct 2012, 2:43 pm
I have no idea if I know what love is- and guess what, nor does anyone else. Emotions are subjective. Nobody can tell exactly how I feel, and I cannot tell if the emotion I call "happy", for example, is the same as the "happy" that any other person feels.
But when it comes down to it, I'm 17. I look at my peers going through "relationships" like they are tissues, and I can tell that they don't really know what "love" is. I do not think I am more "emotionally mature" than them, so it stands to reason that I probably don't either. Maybe I (and my contemporaries) do know what love feels like, but not what it really means. Who knows?
05 Oct 2012, 2:55 pm
MuffinWoman wrote:
onks wrote:
MuffinWoman wrote:
Dannyboy271 wrote:
I think there's a difference. I mean a crush is funny to talk to, because we usually get super nervous.
Think of it this way; Crush <--want want
Love <--concern over well being, and much less over yourself, hence it is somewhat easier to talk to them.
(Usually someone you've known for some time.)
Now it's not a good idea to go loving random strangers who are attractive to you, but it's really all in your head. You can decide who you love and who you don't. Just remember not to go off raving to yourself how much you love your crush when you barely know them. You can usually tell the difference between infatuation and love because on one side it's about you, and on the other it's about them.
Anyway, that's my opinion from my own experience.
Think of it this way; Crush <--want want
Love <--concern over well being, and much less over yourself, hence it is somewhat easier to talk to them.
(Usually someone you've known for some time.)
Now it's not a good idea to go loving random strangers who are attractive to you, but it's really all in your head. You can decide who you love and who you don't. Just remember not to go off raving to yourself how much you love your crush when you barely know them. You can usually tell the difference between infatuation and love because on one side it's about you, and on the other it's about them.
Anyway, that's my opinion from my own experience.
Ok, so who would you feel more nervous about approaching and asking for a date or you would be equally nervous?
If you are asking because you expect an aspie to react on your advances, and he likes you, then I am very certain that he'll be very nervous.
And if you react like this that you will complain kind of thing that nothing happens
you will put him into a very unpleasant situation.
He'll be sad after that and think all kinds of things that you never could imagine he would...
Well, the problem is that (NT) women will interpret this not acting man as improper partner or as unexperienced man. And then it will be over before it even started.
For me this getting nervous and this being falsely accused to not react is always a problem, no matter how well I know people and really like them, or whether it is just "fake love" (attraction) as described by Dannyboy271.
Apart from that I think that true love is never building really up unless you are together...
If I'd react normally then there is normally nothing I feel about a women. If I do I would behave strangely at least. Which will provoke the women in question to complain...
I'm in love with a man I suspect has AS, a truly lovely person. I know he has strong feelings for because even though I have suspected it for a while, those close to him have told me that he acts very differently around me and they can tell that he really likes me.
The problem is that he hasn't asked me on an official date, yet he is easily able to do that with most women - he has had a number of girlfriends.
When he called me on my birthday he was so nervous I could actually hear him hyperventilating on the phone.
So my question is: Why is able to easily ask other women on dates but not me even though he knows how I feel? (I told him as much)
Ok now I remember you writing about this already...
Why the hell don't you ask him out, then?
Maybe it is just that he had many crushes under alcohol. These lead to girl-friends as well. And ones you break the ice it is much easier...
With you he is obviously in trouble and you will have to handle it.Until he is responding.
But the smart way.
Don't expect too much of him. Until you got him.
Just try carefully to approach him. Such that he feels comfort.
He'll be very happy.
Just drop around at his place or something like that,
or ask him for a dinner at your place, that is maybe easier for you.
You can prepare everything.
It might be as well that he does something stupid, because he can't take his feelings any more (pressure).
He's probably quite unhappy about the situation that he is in.
05 Oct 2012, 3:08 pm
MuffinWoman wrote:
onks wrote:
MuffinWoman wrote:
Dannyboy271 wrote:
I think there's a difference. I mean a crush is funny to talk to, because we usually get super nervous.
Think of it this way; Crush <--want want
Love <--concern over well being, and much less over yourself, hence it is somewhat easier to talk to them.
(Usually someone you've known for some time.)
Now it's not a good idea to go loving random strangers who are attractive to you, but it's really all in your head. You can decide who you love and who you don't. Just remember not to go off raving to yourself how much you love your crush when you barely know them. You can usually tell the difference between infatuation and love because on one side it's about you, and on the other it's about them.
Anyway, that's my opinion from my own experience.
Think of it this way; Crush <--want want
Love <--concern over well being, and much less over yourself, hence it is somewhat easier to talk to them.
(Usually someone you've known for some time.)
Now it's not a good idea to go loving random strangers who are attractive to you, but it's really all in your head. You can decide who you love and who you don't. Just remember not to go off raving to yourself how much you love your crush when you barely know them. You can usually tell the difference between infatuation and love because on one side it's about you, and on the other it's about them.
Anyway, that's my opinion from my own experience.
Ok, so who would you feel more nervous about approaching and asking for a date or you would be equally nervous?
If you are asking because you expect an aspie to react on your advances, and he likes you, then I am very certain that he'll be very nervous.
And if you react like this that you will complain kind of thing that nothing happens
you will put him into a very unpleasant situation.
He'll be sad after that and think all kinds of things that you never could imagine he would...
Well, the problem is that (NT) women will interpret this not acting man as improper partner or as unexperienced man. And then it will be over before it even started.
For me this getting nervous and this being falsely accused to not react is always a problem, no matter how well I know people and really like them, or whether it is just "fake love" (attraction) as described by Dannyboy271.
Apart from that I think that true love is never building really up unless you are together...
If I'd react normally then there is normally nothing I feel about a women. If I do I would behave strangely at least. Which will provoke the women in question to complain...
I'm in love with a man I suspect has AS, a truly lovely person. I know he has strong feelings for because even though I have suspected it for a while, those close to him have told me that he acts very differently around me and they can tell that he really likes me.
The problem is that he hasn't asked me on an official date, yet he is easily able to do that with most women - he has had a number of girlfriends.
When he called me on my birthday he was so nervous I could actually hear him hyperventilating on the phone.
So my question is: Why is able to easily ask other women on dates but not me even though he knows how I feel? (I told him as much)
Wooohhh!! ! Quotes!
Okay well you guys lost me. Kinda.
Umm... I think I have something to elaborate on but I don't know what people are talking about.
Nevermind, read it the 3rd time, there was some words put in the wrong order. I get it now.
Ok, well if an aspie guy likes you, he's gonna be nervous. Period. Even if you've known him for a while. Once he DECIDES he really likes you his approach changes and from there he's working from an entirely different angle, and it's social skills all over again.
MuffinWoman, I did the exact same thing the guy your dealing with does in that order, although it's over now, and It didn't work out for me. It's actually kinda funny reading that. He's not afraid of rejection like most guys are, he seriously doesn't know how to talk to you in that fashion. I got over this with blatancy. Though blatancy, as mentioned before, can be interpreted as rude, it's the only way we can deal with all the nervous stuffs, because it cuts all the superficial crap. Every way your used to relating to him he doesn't understand. And so because of that, he might be afraid to ask you because on a date, he would have no idea how to act.
A good example for me but I'm not sure everyone else is learning a backflip. You know you can do it, but do you? You stand there for hours looking back, and in the back of your head you completely believe that if you jump backwards you will land on your head. In the front your completely confident. With this mix, you physically can... not jump. Like your brain WILL NOT let you as long as your unsure in the back of your head.
(And so you start in a foam pit or something that you know you'll be safe!)
Unfortunately I don't know of any foam pits for dating. So for him he's basically stuck until he knows he's able to talk to you as blatantly as possible without you getting weirded out at the lack of build-up.
ANOTHER thing that is probably holding him back is it sounds like he's overthinking all these scenarios in his head before he does them. That for me screws everything I wanna do up. It makes us act in too many ways at the same time and we stumble.
Keep in mind I can't COMPLETELY speak for this aspie guy. I can only extrapolate based off my own experiences and lots of other aspies.
05 Oct 2012, 3:15 pm
Dannyboy271 wrote:
MuffinWoman wrote:
onks wrote:
MuffinWoman wrote:
Dannyboy271 wrote:
I think there's a difference. I mean a crush is funny to talk to, because we usually get super nervous.
Think of it this way; Crush <--want want
Love <--concern over well being, and much less over yourself, hence it is somewhat easier to talk to them.
(Usually someone you've known for some time.)
Now it's not a good idea to go loving random strangers who are attractive to you, but it's really all in your head. You can decide who you love and who you don't. Just remember not to go off raving to yourself how much you love your crush when you barely know them. You can usually tell the difference between infatuation and love because on one side it's about you, and on the other it's about them.
Anyway, that's my opinion from my own experience.
Think of it this way; Crush <--want want
Love <--concern over well being, and much less over yourself, hence it is somewhat easier to talk to them.
(Usually someone you've known for some time.)
Now it's not a good idea to go loving random strangers who are attractive to you, but it's really all in your head. You can decide who you love and who you don't. Just remember not to go off raving to yourself how much you love your crush when you barely know them. You can usually tell the difference between infatuation and love because on one side it's about you, and on the other it's about them.
Anyway, that's my opinion from my own experience.
Ok, so who would you feel more nervous about approaching and asking for a date or you would be equally nervous?
If you are asking because you expect an aspie to react on your advances, and he likes you, then I am very certain that he'll be very nervous.
And if you react like this that you will complain kind of thing that nothing happens
you will put him into a very unpleasant situation.
He'll be sad after that and think all kinds of things that you never could imagine he would...
Well, the problem is that (NT) women will interpret this not acting man as improper partner or as unexperienced man. And then it will be over before it even started.
For me this getting nervous and this being falsely accused to not react is always a problem, no matter how well I know people and really like them, or whether it is just "fake love" (attraction) as described by Dannyboy271.
Apart from that I think that true love is never building really up unless you are together...
If I'd react normally then there is normally nothing I feel about a women. If I do I would behave strangely at least. Which will provoke the women in question to complain...
I'm in love with a man I suspect has AS, a truly lovely person. I know he has strong feelings for because even though I have suspected it for a while, those close to him have told me that he acts very differently around me and they can tell that he really likes me.
The problem is that he hasn't asked me on an official date, yet he is easily able to do that with most women - he has had a number of girlfriends.
When he called me on my birthday he was so nervous I could actually hear him hyperventilating on the phone.
So my question is: Why is able to easily ask other women on dates but not me even though he knows how I feel? (I told him as much)
Wooohhh!! ! Quotes!
Okay well you guys lost me. Kinda.
Umm... I think I have something to elaborate on but I don't know what people are talking about.
Nevermind, read it the 3rd time, there was some words put in the wrong order. I get it now.
Ok, well if an aspie guy likes you, he's gonna be nervous. Period. Even if you've known him for a while. Once he DECIDES he really likes you his approach changes and from there he's working from an entirely different angle, and it's social skills all over again.
MuffinWoman, I did the exact same thing the guy your dealing with does in that order, although it's over now, and It didn't work out for me. It's actually kinda funny reading that. He's not afraid of rejection like most guys are, he seriously doesn't know how to talk to you in that fashion. I got over this with blatancy. Though blatancy, as mentioned before, can be interpreted as rude, it's the only way we can deal with all the nervous stuffs, because it cuts all the superficial crap. Every way your used to relating to him he doesn't understand. And so because of that, he might be afraid to ask you because on a date, he would have no idea how to act.
A good example for me but I'm not sure everyone else is learning a backflip. You know you can do it, but do you? You stand there for hours looking back, and in the back of your head you completely believe that if you jump backwards you will land on your head. In the front your completely confident. With this mix, you physically can... not jump. Like your brain WILL NOT let you as long as your unsure in the back of your head.
(And so you start in a foam pit or something that you know you'll be safe!)
Unfortunately I don't know of any foam pits for dating. So for him he's basically stuck until he knows he's able to talk to you as blatantly as possible without you getting weirded out at the lack of build-up.
ANOTHER thing that is probably holding him back is it sounds like he's overthinking all these scenarios in his head before he does them. That for me screws everything I wanna do up. It makes us act in too many ways at the same time and we stumble.
Keep in mind I can't COMPLETELY speak for this aspie guy. I can only extrapolate based off my own experiences and lots of other aspies.
Here is another quote monster.
Sorry for that
But I can relate to that at least in the major aspects. Well and I am afraid to be rejected. Useless to not admit.
Because everything leaves its imprint
05 Oct 2012, 4:15 pm
Stalk wrote:
Yes I would be nervous around that woman, if I had a crush. If it was true love, I would be confident, knowing confidently that the other person cares for me even when I make my social mistakes, awkwardness.
Well then you're quite lucky, if you then can proceed normally. I can't. It's like a curse.
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