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rickith
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07 Feb 2013, 1:29 pm

Most of my social anxiety is all about anticipation of failure and not quite understanding the social expectations of the situation. I'll imagine the worst possible outcomes and sort of keep repeating those thoughts.

Once I am actually in the social situation most of the anxiety goes away once I get a better picture of what is expected of me and I realize that it isn't actually as bad as I thought it would be. I often end up doing much better than I thought I would, but unless I'm in that situation a LOT I will "forget" all about the good experiences and be just as anxious the next time.

Although social anxiety for me is rarely is about thinking the situation will be unpleasant, I do think you are correct in the sense that rejection is not the only source of social anxiety.



Aimless
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08 Feb 2013, 3:50 pm

rapidroy wrote:
Aimless wrote:
I think that's true and I also think, as is in my case, the simple fact of not knowing how to navigate the intricacies of social relationships, particularly initiating them, will cause social anxiety. I can remember as a child being frozen in fear when I was around unfamiliar people and wondering why it was so easy for others to connect. I didn't understand why people didn't approach me and assumed it was because I was defective. It was only recently that I realized the other people assumed I wasn't interested.


I can recall feeling this exactly as far back is age 3 or 4(kindergarden, preschool, babysiters, daycare etc.), surely I haden't had the chance to fail socially that much by then.

Exactly, and now that the DSM 5 is out and Social Communication Disorder is considered a separate category and not a part of the autistic spectrum, I have to wonder where that puts me. Perhaps I am minimizing my RBRI's (I think everyone has them to a degree) but my difficulties are pretty well firmly placed in the social category. So I Googled what would cause this in very early childhood and all that came up had to do with autism. My social differences were evident in infancy. I did not engage with people, I only cried to be fed or to have my diaper changed, not to be picked up. I am of the generation that I was already an adult before Asperger's was on anyone's radar. Incidentally, this not knowing how to approach people for friendship, I've never grown out of it.
I should add that I have a son diagnosed with Asperger's, and the parallels between us led me to look up WP. The more I read the more I related.


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Ann2011
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08 Feb 2013, 4:42 pm

Ganondox wrote:
After thinking about it and my own experiences I have finally came to a conclusion. The major failure of that analysis is that social anxiety only comes from anticipating rejection. That certainly isn't true. If we look at an anxiety in general, sometimes it certainly comes from anticipating the possibility of failure, but often it comes simply from anticipating the experience to be unpleasant.

This is an interesting distinction . . . for me, the actual interaction is painful. Too much so to keep up a conversation for any length of time. I think the fear of rejection is secondary and has been learned over time.



1000Knives
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08 Feb 2013, 6:18 pm

My problem is with social anxiety, I'm "freaky" and without it, I'm "weird." So I can't win.

The problem I have is like, without social anxiety, I'll like ramble to people I just met about the differences between Toyota 5MGE and 6MGE engines or something like that. I'll be totally happy and confident while doing it, without knowing/caring it's awkward. In my nonsocial anxious states, I'll even walk into like convenience stores and ask if they got food they're throwing out when I'm hungry. I'll care so little about social implications of my actions and just do them.

So far I've not really found a middle ground.