Why do i only attract girls I have no interest in?

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The answer lies in you. You have no interest in those girls, you act differently, more confident, I assume you don't really care what they think of you and you don't try to impress them.
This changes your vibe, your body language, it gives you the air of confidence. Simples.

At least you attract some kinds of girls. I do not attract anyone.

OP: Maybe a better question is: Why do only have interest in girls that you can't attract??

Michael829

Don't feel bad. I'm in the same boat.

I think part of the problem, is that we tend to ignore the ones we aren't interested in, which leads them to think we are playing hard to get (which causes them to be more interested). The dating game is ironic.

Another problem I have, is that I have found numerous women that I am compatible with, that are actually interested in me, but they aren't single. You won't believe how frustrating that is.

I’m the numbers game guy on WP. .

2nd that on Rolling Stones.

Here’s another, but I forget the artist: If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.

What about online dating sites where women cannot tell those things?

I understand your need to vent, so of course, you can take this or leave it. I’m might be helpful to you or someone in a similar position.

I tend to place a high value on marriage, so someone who has been divorce and their ex is still alive just really isn’t on my to-do or to-date list. Two reasons: I view marriage as permanent, as in your vows are for life. Long-term involvement with a divorced partner is like enabling someone to break vows that should be taken more seriously than they are. I realize this is more of a philosophical thing, but it just happens to mean a lot to me. If my wife left me tonight, I’d still choose to remain alone for the rest of my life.

The other reason, philosophical and religious reasons aside: Divorce is a little like suicide. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I’m not saying violence and cheating are to be tolerated “for the kids.” I’m saying those aren’t the only reasons in practice people get divorced. Divorce is used as a means of escaping a bad situation, which is bad because, well...why? Whatever the reasons are, they usually go back to a fundamental character flaw you bring into the union yourself. By getting a divorce, you avoid dealing with the problem itself. That means the problem will almost certainly follow you into your next marriage UNLESS you somehow own it and deal with it.

Without knowing this woman any more than I do, I can’t say whether any of this applies. But as a general rule, you made a good call by not moving forward with the relationship.

As I mentioned earlier, I’m a big proponent of the numbers game. My formulation of it is very simple and operates under the assumption that out of 100 girls that you meet you can at least get 1 date and potentially a relationship.

So beginning with that one assumption, you start out knowing that finding the needle in the haystack is a long shot. You meet girls where ever they are and establish regular contact. If you commit to making those contacts regularly and out of habit, just by meeting and talking to two new girls every week, you’ll have a potential dating pool of 100 girls within a year. You can’t find a needle in a haystack without the haystack.

Once you start, after, say, 3 weeks, you should begin asking them out. Little stuff, like coffee, lunch, drinks after work, etc. Stay casual. Nothing like a real date or a “date-date.” Just one-on-one getting to know someone. Even group activities count for something here.

Needle in haystack. You’re setting yourself up for rejection. Lots and lots of rejection. But remember that you are looking for that one LTR, so ultimately rejection works both ways. Early rejection just saves you some time. Rejection is your friend, so don’t let it bother you.

Because “the one” is in their somewhere, each rejection just brings you one step closer to finding her. As you go, the odds begin to shift exponentially in your favor. Over time, as your people skills improve and you better understand what they want and better ways of approaching people and winning their trust or capturing their interest, you artificially improve the odds. Hence the exponential increase in your favor over time. Because we are ASSUMING the right girl is there, there’s never an absolutely certain guarantee. Maybe the haystack is wrong or not big enough. But the more you go, the odds in your favor reach a near-certainty. So while you may not necessarily end up in a relationship, you’ve already defied the odds once you manage to get two or more dates out of 100. The boost in self-esteem alone from just going out with a few girls is worth it.

Over time, you find you get more regular dates with a select few women. This is because they are attracted to you. You also weed out all the crazies and drama queens. So you find that one girl you like the most. If she’s not going out with other guys and you’re not hanging out with any other girl, then you effectively have a gf. Give that a good 3 weeks and bring up being “official.” She’ll probably go for it. Great time for a first kiss if you haven’t gotten that far yet.

Doesn’t mean she really is “the One.” But exploring those serious relationships bring you ever closer, and again, the odds approach a near certainty in your favor.

This means, of course, that you’ll see a lot of girls you aren’t really interested in. Seeing some girls will be more of a practice run. Yeah, it sounds like you’re really using people, but how do you get around that? If we’re being honest, all of us do that, men AND women. If you’re just trying to meet someone and both of you have a good time, MAYBE find some common ground, exactly what are you supposed to do? So you just do your best and don’t worry about it. You might be surprised by who actually DOES work out.

I think too much emphasis is given to having things in common. I’m not pursuing anyone just because she shares an interest on the same level as I do. I do it because I’m interested in PEOPLE, in women. I’m going to absorb everything about what she says about things she enjoys and initiate activities and conversations that revolve around that. Because it makes her feel important, it is therefore important to me.

It’s kinda fake it till you make it in one sense. But in another sense you’re not really “being fake.” That’s because you REALLY ARE into her even if you don’t necessarily take any deep interest in those things yourself. With the right person, those things will grow on you.

Last year my SO decided to take up running after being inactive much of her life. Having actually BEEN more of a fatty myself, I went along with it mostly just to support her. Then we both completed our first 5k together. I got hooked on it. So now I work out about 2 hours a day at the Y, and we’re both training for our first 10k in December. All because I got into it as “moral support.”

Just be careful who you write off. It’s worth the extra work when it pays off, even if your most meaningful relationship happens with the least expected person.

You did notice it says her ex husband was abusive. You think a person should stay in their marriage if their partner abuses them?

Go back and reread my post. I already addressed that.

You should feel happy that you attract any women.

My apologies. That might have come off as unnecessarily short.

I strongly dislike divorce. Divorce as a remedy for violence is an unfortunate necessity if it means preserving the life of the one leaving.

My wife actually did consider leaving me when circumstances took a drastic turn for the non-non-heinous. She was working as a paralegal and did a high volume of divorce cases. After the worst had passed, we discussed everything that happened, how we both had similar legal backgrounds and knew all the tricks on both sides, why we got together in the first place, and how we really feel about each other.

We played the what-if game. I know that if I hit her or if I cheat, there’s really no coming back. On the other hand, if she hits or cheats on me, then she’s obviously crazy and needs to be locked up where men in white coats can keep her from hurting herself and will give her the good drugs. And maybe I’ll get to visit sometimes.

Funny, yes... but in all seriousness, what do you do about the promises you made? For better or for worse? I’d HAVE to be crazy to hit her, so yeah, she’d probably have me committed. Or if she tried to leave me, she must be insane, because no sane person who took those vows and MEANT and CHERISHED them would ever abandon someone like that. Insanity is all that’s left.

What happens is not everyone places the same value on marriage as we do. So rather than getting a man help after he turns violent, just abandon him. Whatever inner struggles he’s experiencing to make him act out, maybe he’ll do us all a favor and kill himself. It’s easier that way, right?

I feel I’d be wrong to say “no divorce” if your life was at risk. I think you should have the right to preserve your own life. If I were forced to divorce my wife to save my own life, that would be the ONLY reason I’d do it. I wouldn’t divorce her simply for cheating. But I’m not nor will I ever be prepared to take another man’s child as my own. And I don’t think she’d be willing to give the baby up once it’s born.

But while divorce might in some situations might be a necessity, I would still consider myself ethically married to her. I would accept divorce as a means of self-preservation or to keep life livable. But I would never remarry.

I can’t presume to tell a woman in a bad situation what to do. I would think that someone who values marriage the same way we do might have similar attitudes. At the end of the day, you have to do what YOU think is right.

The good news: you have qualities that women find attractive.

I will tell you my fall back theory for people in your situation: you either don't really want what you think you want, or you aren't actually ready for it.

Although it is also possible that you just haven't run into "her" yet.

Being unable to reciprocate feelings with anyone in the available pool is often an unconscious self-defense mechanism. I know that was true for me (I got married at 36).

It is just something to consider.