Page 1 of 2 [ 21 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Corvus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,674
Location: Calgary

13 Dec 2006, 12:57 pm

If you've been called a stalker, why? I think girls throw this term around to everyone they've ever denied because it makes them feel 'wanted.' I say this because, the last job I worked, every girl had a stalker (and some, well, some shouldnt have).

I was called a stalker and I was shocked! I am quiet and disciplined and keep to myself and was shocked to hear it. Apparently, a girl I worked with thought I was interested told everyone this.

One day, on MSN, she basically stated that I was 'stupid' (she said she thinks people who smoke weed are stupid except for 'another coworker' and she knew I smoked, so, I told her 'you think I'm stupid' (deductive reasoning)). This flipped her off - apparently I put words into her mouth. Things calmed down and I said something like 'Your ex didnt deserve you, he was an as*hole' (as he abused her) and she responded 'WTF, thanks for making me cry, I didnt know he'd be like that' (actually, writing that out now, I know WHY she took it wrong, she thought I blamed her for letting it happen but I was actually downplaying the loser for thinking he deserved her)

Anyways, she logged off. So, I'd see her at work but I couldnt wait, I didnt want her to be crying over something she took wrong. I found her address (stalker?) and, on my way to pay for college, I stopped by her house to apologize (since she likes to ignore people which, yes, just pisses them off). She didnt answer the door so I left. At work, I didnt say anything to her, she was a b***h at this point. Found out later she told everyone I "stalked" her. Keeping in mind, after this happened, I never spoke to her again - I barely looked at her. From the moment she didnt answer the door, finished. < -- stalker?

Yes, I found her address and went to her house 1 time to apologize. After I told co-workers this, they looked at me and said 'oh, I guess thats pretty noble' to which I said 'Yes, I thought so, its not like I hung out there and followed her around'

So, if you've been labeled a stalker, were you? Did you obsess over her? More importantly, did you show that 'obsession?'

There is a girl I cant forget and its been 3+ years or so. I think I 'love' her but would never dare say anything to her. I wouldnt dare ever in fear of ruining the friendship, whats left of it, at least (long story, we stopped talking to each other because I wanted to be more then friends and she was taken so I walked away like I normally do when I cant have something (later regretted it)). As well, I've resisted contacting her, just general messages or emails (we both exchange an "equal" amount, in my opinion). I know she isnt interested in me so I ignore the feelings and let her live her life and hope she meets a guy (like me, who has had it rough (so at least some guy won)). I dont think this is 'stalking,' I think its just an exercise in my discipline. She added me to MSN, so I know she still wants me to be around her (and I told her I would always be).

I just read someone mention how they were a stalker and want to know what people do to obtain that label



logitechdog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Nov 2006
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 973
Location: Uk - Thornaby

13 Dec 2006, 1:33 pm

best way i can put a stalker in terms it should be used is like a photographer would be one getting they story or watching what they do... but sometimes it is used too much or too lightly... with female's...



Corvus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,674
Location: Calgary

13 Dec 2006, 1:57 pm

Thats what I figured - I figured stalkers follow you around, always want to be with you, talk to you, know everything, etc.. I dont fit that criteria but then the word gets tossed around.. almost as much as 'open minded' or 'trustworthy' is



Seraphas
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 9 Dec 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 28

13 Dec 2006, 2:00 pm

Never been called a stalker but i do develop AS obsessions over girls sometimes :(.

I was in "puppy love" with this one girl from the ages 14-20, i never told her about it because we were friends as well but it's like no matter how much you try too hide it they can tell anyway... damn female intuition. I don't however think it's always a bad thing too become infatuated with someone, even if they don't return the feelings it's only a worry if you start following them around, etc etc. I think apoligising if she thought you where stalking her is not bad at all, you might not have done anything wrong but if you where making someone uncomfortble then it really does no harm too point out that wasn't your intention.



Corvus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,674
Location: Calgary

13 Dec 2006, 2:05 pm

I dont think my "love" for my friend is all that bad.. Maybe its just me speaking but if someone said that to me I'd only feel a bit better, if anything.. unless they were just psycho - I'm very laid back and give people their space if they dont want to be with me, i think its only nice of me



Stinkypuppy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Oct 2006
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,554

13 Dec 2006, 2:28 pm

I've obsessed about people before, just can't stop thinking about the person. Not sure if that's love or infatuation or stalking. I don't try to physically follow people, as typically these people are very very far away, but instead I usually try to find out more info about their living situation. Though it's nothing like personal details, more like if the person lives in Oklahoma and likes dirt bike racing, then I would try to find out what life is like in OK, and do some of my own research about dirt bike racing. (that was just an example, I don't actually know anybody in OK nor anybody who likes dirt bike racing) In a way, it's an attempt for me to understand the person better, without actually directly asking the person about it. Mainly I don't ask because I feel that the other person will just get tired of explaining it to me, and I don't want the other person to get upset with me. In reality, there have been instances where the person did get tired of explaining it to me, but I think it's because he has AS and just didn't feel like talking about something he took for granted.

What's rather bad in my case, though, is that whenever I'm near the person I'm obsessing over, I'll have a rather short fuse, and I get upset with him or her rather easily. It's probably a space issue.


_________________
Won't you help a poor little puppy?


Veresae
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,023

15 Dec 2006, 12:16 am

I've gotten the impression people have thought me a stalker before, though they've never said it. I certainly obsess about people way too much, especially if there's something I feel guilty about.

There are times when I try to get near people to talk to them, and might follow them a short distance (if they're walking at the time and are paying me no attention). Sometimes I become too nervous or awkward and never say anything but they still notice my presence, so it comes across as following. But I never follow people home or out of an area I'd be in anyway. If I'm talking to them and they seem uninterested or creeped out, I usually ask if I'm bothering them, and if I am, I leave.



Immortal
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2006
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 578
Location: Maine

15 Dec 2006, 11:44 am

I've had an actual stalker...and it doesn't sound like you are one...

When I had a stalker, I'd spoken no more than one sentence to him (We had a class together) and he ended up getting my phone number...*and* my sell phone number...calling me every 15 minutes when I did not answer...leaving messages. He sent gifts to my apartment, had a pizza delivered from my favourite pizza place...all kinds of stuff that really really freaked me out because I hadn't even talked to him...

To me it sounds a lot like this girl isn't interested and she's throwing a word like "Stalker" out there to make you look like the bad guy or something. I dunno...maybe to have something to whine and complain about with her friends to make herself feel better...and more important.


_________________
"Never injure what cannot die"


Corvus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,674
Location: Calgary

15 Dec 2006, 12:18 pm

Well, the one girl was messed up - one way or another

The other, I just dont want to mess anything up with.. so, I dont talk to her much.. Sometimes I think she wants to talk to me.. Sometimes I think she is just like me which makes it hard but I'm just so used to not meeting people like me that I just think she is like everyone else (deep down I dont believe it).. it sucks..

I'm going home for christmas and would cut my arm off to see her but I'm too afraid to ask.. last year she didnt respond then i suggested coffee.. although, she added me to msn and found me on myspace, since.. Its like she wont just let me fade away so i can forget her.. I'm just playing with false hope, i'm making this seem like she wants to see me.. I hate this



AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 69,880
Location: Portland, Oregon

15 Dec 2006, 1:12 pm

In my sophomore year, I stalked this girl who was nice to me freshman year & helped me out quite a bit in Algebra but her goth friend, who I am allergic to, set me up and in May of 2006, we had a very nasty fallout. This year, in junior year, I am being stalked by this gay student who turns up everywhere I go.

I have told this guy to stop, but he keeps on doing it, knowing the fact he has a bf!
What can i do?



Corvus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,674
Location: Calgary

15 Dec 2006, 1:33 pm

This is what *I'D* want to hear - 'Why are you here? I'm not interested (if thats why he's there) in you. Flattered, but not interested.'

If I heard those words I'd have had much less stress with the ladies



logitechdog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Nov 2006
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 973
Location: Uk - Thornaby

15 Dec 2006, 1:47 pm

too much stress in the world today and people snap at each other..



MagicMike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2005
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 536

15 Dec 2006, 1:58 pm

Mainly in high school was when I've been labeled a stalker; ironically, I've been spending a good deal of my time in college helping people track their stalkers down.



Gamester
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Nov 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,935
Location: Newberg, OR

15 Dec 2006, 2:27 pm

so you turned from a stalker to a stalker stalker?



Stinkypuppy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Oct 2006
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,554

15 Dec 2006, 2:34 pm

Corvus wrote:
I'm going home for christmas and would cut my arm off to see her but I'm too afraid to ask.. last year she didnt respond then i suggested coffee.. although, she added me to msn and found me on myspace, since.. Its like she wont just let me fade away so i can forget her.. I'm just playing with false hope, i'm making this seem like she wants to see me.. I hate this

Whoa that's what my friend said to me! The one I have feelings for but I don't really mention them. He used to tell me every so often that although he enjoyed my company, he didn't really understand why I won't just cut him loose. Not like we had a particularly bad friendship during those times he said it, but it was a really strange remark to me whenever I heard it. I always thought it meant that he hated me and didn't want me around. But if it's anything like your situation, it seems that he actually might have feelings for me, but kinda wishes he didn't... which is totally understandable, because if we did have a relationship, it'd be a homosexual one and (to be fair) he's still pondering over his sexual preferences. So it kinda would make his life easier if he did not have to think about me... hmm...


_________________
Won't you help a poor little puppy?


Corvus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,674
Location: Calgary

15 Dec 2006, 5:09 pm

Stinkypuppy wrote:
Whoa that's what my friend said to me! The one I have feelings for but I don't really mention them. He used to tell me every so often that although he enjoyed my company, he didn't really understand why I won't just cut him loose. Not like we had a particularly bad friendship during those times he said it, but it was a really strange remark to me whenever I heard it. I always thought it meant that he hated me and didn't want me around. But if it's anything like your situation, it seems that he actually might have feelings for me, but kinda wishes he didn't... which is totally understandable, because if we did have a relationship, it'd be a homosexual one and (to be fair) he's still pondering over his sexual preferences. So it kinda would make his life easier if he did not have to think about me... hmm...


I only stop talking to people for 2 reasons and 1 of them isnt a good one:
1) Prove yourself untrustworthy (I feel like breaking up with a simple friend has made everyone think I am gay, Seinfeld did it. Just because I am friends one day doesn't mean I will be forever, especially when I said 'Yo, don't tell such and such I told you this' and the next day he is apologizing for doing so (trust shattered, friendship over))
2) A girl doesn't like me - there are 'feeling' associated with this that I cannot deal with.. If they are around, as much as I ... potentially love them, they must go for my sanity and reliefs sake. If I could deal with it, and I dont know why I cant (maybe because I've never had luck there so maybe I DO know why) I'd want them near me.. I've never had a girl as a friend, not since grade 1 (and I'm 24 so).. Well, DIRECT friend.. I've always known a few