I would rather not exist.

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I'm thinking about it a lot. The only thing I think keeps me going is that I may be able to meet other people like myself in a AS group. To have close friends. I hear there's some group starting closer to me.

When you feel like this, people always say to reach out to other people. It's that much harder for me because something goes wrong when I do. I've been trying to reach out for so long. I don't know what goes wrong.

My family keeps calling but I don't want to connect with them anymore. They lied to me time and time again, and broke my trust. I DO talk to them on the phone, but I get sick over it. And I think I get nervous talking to them, because my armpits get soaked with sweat. They don't know this. I don't live with my 2 sisters or anyone else in my family.

My sisters really let me down and hurt me. I thought we were close at one time. I need to start new relationships, make a new family out of friends. Things can't go back the way they were with my sisters. I'm always on guard with them and keep my thoughts to myself. I can't talk to my boyfriend cause he's not interested in hearing what I have to say. He zones out when I ask him for help with problems.