Family/extended family gatherings

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How do they make you feel?

Every few years my family decides to invite 'extended family' (and that's a lot of people... some I hardly know) to come together and stay in a hotel or rented house for a Christmas holiday. They're all paired up and I'm the only one with just myself. These people are hideously difficult to talk to because... well, maybe it's just my social problems... and the fact that because I don't know them I don't feel the need to want to be around them. They also don't really express any interest in communicating that much with me. I really just don't like it. This December we're doing it again... staying all in one, big house. The last time was REALLY depressing, and I felt so exhausted being in a room full of people. I hate it. Even when it's in my own house! We had a 'make your own hat' competition that I spent a lot of time on.... but I was mostly invisible to people. The judges went around and looked at everyone's hats, gave out the prizes and people asked "What about Francesca?" They just went "Oh.... we didn't notice. Oops. Sorry." I wasn't hiding anywhere! I guess I just give off that invisible vibe.

What about you/personal experiences? How do you deal with it?

Our Christmases are usually just whoever shows up, relatives or not. It's not unusual for there to be people there who I've never even heard of before. Sometimes I've never even heard of the city or town they are from.

I know what you mean about the invisible vibe. I have magical powers of invisibility too, for better or worse.

I have always been frustrated when my mother insisted I attend family gatherings. I don't understand why she has to have me there - I am generally unable to communicate when there are lots of people around me having a conversation with each other, it's as much as I can do to follow what is being said, and on the rare occasion I do manage to formulate a response to something, everyone has already moved on to talking about something else. So, usually the most interaction I have with these people is "hi". They are all used to me not talking and don't even attempt to involve me in their talk. Am I just there so they can look at me? Because they don't really do that either. Yet, if I want to leave because I am uncomfortable, I am told I am being unsociable. I don't get it at all.

You have my sympathy.

I usually very much dislike family gatherings of this variety; however, for the last several years, they have actually been enjoyable. My cousins and I all have young children now; I spend the vast majority of my time at these gatherings playing with the kids. Generally, kids like me, and it allows me to escape the chaos a bit. When the kids get a little older, I suppose that I will be thrust into the adult mix once more. My girls are five and three, though, so I still have a few more years.

I am okay at the start for my family but then do not want to stay as long as the rest of my family.

I avoid all such gatherings. The older I get, the less I care about reactions to my refusals. Where before, I would make some excuse to get out of it; now, I just say 'No'.

It's tougher with immediate family. My dad in particular always has a thing about rounding up all of us, my 3 siblings and I, and their children and families, all together. When by some miracle that actually happens (we all live in different cities), it sucks. It's a big loud group of people shouting over each other while I try to discretely get drunk enough not to care.

My aunts use to think I was just shy now they think I'm weird. My uncles have always thought I was weird.