scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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0. My general mood is way better (probably due to taking antidepressants), and I'm enjoying things again for the first time in months, but still not much is going right for me.

-4

I wish life was like a tape recorder. Where we could pause life for a moment, fast forward through the monotony, rewind when we make mistakes, or best of all just hit stop.

About... 5.2 today. An astonishingly high score, I must say, but like a child with presents my nootropics arrived today, plus I (barely) survived a really random encounter with a total stranger who suddenly spoke to me.

-8

Everything is bland and dull and I am tired of being tired all the time, which happens especially when I spend too much reading or have to do too many chores.

I have a car that won't jump (pretty sure it's a dead battery, but I have this issue so often I wonder if there isn't an electrical problem) and obsessive worries about chimney fires.

Sometimes I think I should quit burning the damn stove and invest in a good bicycle with a two-kid trailer.

Other than very long distances (100 miles to my side of the family, 1,000 miles to my husband's side), pretty much everything I do is within 10 miles of home. Everything truly important (school, preschool, grocery store) except the dentist and pediatrician is within 5 miles.

I could do that by bicycle with a little bit of planning.

I KNOW that sound is the refrigerator running. The stove pipe is so cool, I can put my ear against it to listen for roaring sounds. Can't get chimney fires out of my head. Probably because I'm irritated over the damn car.

Grrrrrrrr.

-8. Mood's down, no longer have a car, suicidal thoughts are very present. Trying to look for positives, struggling.

(-) infinity

Take this away, farewell my friends.

Hope is long gone, it was gone last year,

The fight is in vain, I never meant to hurt anyone, I never wanted to leave in so many tears and in so much pain...

-10.

I'm failing at life. My school-work is incomplete and out of my reach.

I want to die.

What is going on?

PTSD symptoms from being on the street and abused

More PTSD symptoms from being an idiot and being ill prepared for adult life and suffering more being on the street and abuse then I really needed too

Feeling like my autism makes me the r word

Feeling like I can never do anything right

Feeling I deserve all this abuse cause my dad said I did when I was 18 and again not long ago

Feeling like I should have ended it when I had a loaded easy way out

- 10 / 10

Wow...that's the depression talking. I can see it!! !

I've been abused a lot. I also have PSTD. I'm a survivor. Thank goodness- I guess.
I'm sorry. I go to CODA groups, but I feel they a little dogmatic sometimes, but it's better than nothing at all. Take care. Go watch a movie, take a bath, do something healthy for yourself. I'm sorry you feel this way. This too shall pass. As an abuse survivor I'm not telling you this just cause that's the cliche thing to say.

I try to stay positive and get rid of as much as unhealthy stuff as I can. I think I'm going to write some daily goals. Like they say in CoDa just take it one day at a time.

As for me, I need to take my own advice. I've had quite the pity party tonight. I'm not that chemically imbalanced, so i just need to quit focus on what's wrong and stay present and focus on making things better instead of focusing on things I can't control.
i need to be nice to myself. For someone who has gone through f****d up s**t, I'm a pretty darn healthy, functioning adult.

-6

hi, sly. haven't run into you in a while.

does sound like a dead battery, yeah. usually a new one isn't needed, they can be recharged fully at any auto parts store for a small (or no) fee. it not that, might be a problem with the alternator, the electrical component that helps charge the battery when the engine is running. it hooks up to the timing/serpentine belt that powers the AC, among other things. before i got mine replaced, my car would die pretty much every time it was turned off for a couple of days, even after jumping.

(of course, it didn't help that i left the headlights on all day when i was in classes... )

-9 I don't wanna try any more

3 or 4. But only because I worl hard to keep myself at that level.

Normally I am at 2, or 1.