scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Men are valued for their achievements. I don't think we can change it.

-6.5 Fed up with my therapist. So upset with her I actually thought about killing myself while I was in her office, but I didn't tell her that because I didn't want to go to the hospital. I am safe though.

+1 trying to be human

Anxiety is out of control.

I'm going off the rails.

Please pray for me. Please pray I don't miss something in this state that allows a child to get hurt. Please pray I don't go out in public or say something to someone that brings the wrath of the system down on us.

You have to be positive to yourself before anyone else can be positive to you. There probably are people who love/like you for who you are, but you might not see that. But maybe they might have a point of changing, I think just maybe try not to be so extremely negative all the time. But if people are telling you to change, it could be aimed at the extreme negativity vibe you might be giving away.

+2

A 7 I would say currently
a
2 Early in the morning

Glad to hear your fine M8

Okay, what I mean by "forcing love" is that you seem to want something that should happen naturally. I know you want to date and give love a chance(Who wouldn't want to?) I think the best quote I know is from RuPaul's Drag Race.



I just think you need to stop throwing excuses all the time and try to get help and help you navigate whatever happened. Cause I somewhat suspect something happened in your past. And looking at a bit of your posts, I kinda suspect PTSD. No offense.

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Last edited by sly279 on 14 Jul 2016, 11:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Whether you know it or not, I would say it's likely that you are better than you think you are.

Simple as that. But if I say anything like that to sly. I'd have his white knights jumping me for it telling my I'm a as*hole or emotionless for saying or thinking it. I'm not going to say how I truly feel about this cause if I do I'd be permanently banned for the heartless part with zero regards. Sometimes I think actual NT females need to tell sly how he comes off as.

I find myself spontaneously muttering racist slurs under my breath.

Now we all know I'm conservative as all hell and kinda mean-spirited under the efforts to be a decent human being.

And we all know that I grew up with terms considered egregious racial epithets being used as value-neutral adjectives (profanity was just adjectives, too).

But I WAS NOT raised to judge someone on the basis of skin pigment, or hurt someone with words on the basis of skin pigment, or anything of that nature. If my daddy heard the s**t coming out of my mouth, he would turn me over his knee (even though I'm pushing 40 and he'd have turned 64 today if he were living) and beat the tar out of me while shouting, "[racial epithet] ain't no different than any other man, little girl!!"

He'd be right. I believe that to the bottom of my soul. So WHAT the f**k is up with THIS s**t?!?!

-2 when I got up and had freaked out about low-income housing believing I'm Milwaukee ghetto trash. Since I did want to be anywhere near rent assistance lines feeling worse since it was a lot of ghetto acting black people the times they were open and the extremely long lines. Milwaukee ghetto and severly ignoramt ghetto people and when you know and feel it make me feel worse about the things I like and do.

But I'm looking it up so maybe I don't flip super quick and freak out. Plus low-income and rent assistance doesn't mean all black people.

But now a +7.5-8.3 calmed down.

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Last edited by sly279 on 16 Jul 2016, 4:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

Today was better. Until I found out they hire another person in my department,most,who is he replacing, is it me? :s is it one of the others. Probably me I don't get credit card accounts :s I need to call to see if it'd be considered reasonable accommodation for them to not require someone with a social disorder and social anxiety to push and annoy people into getting s credit card they really don't want just so I'd leave them alone.

-2