ADHD and Asperger's, Borderline Personality Disorder

Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

filmismylove
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 14 Nov 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11

15 Nov 2012, 10:11 am

I don't know what to say. I'm supposed to start counseling in about a month. I have seen some psychiatrists. How do I get tested for Asperger's? I've always been good at math and science. I found later that I have some really cool creative talents. Like acting. OMG! Just don't ask my to cry. Sometimes I can, though. I surprise myself. Bruce Springsteen makes me cry. Or the sorrow a few days after smoking marijuana. I can't drink or smoke cigarettes, they make me feel disturbed. What do I need to do, if I do have Asperger's, to be happy? Like, I have very visual memory and a lot of OCD issues. The thing that saved my life was marijuana, although this became uncontrollable at one point. Wellbutrin helped too. But these were just administered from time to time, in reaction to symptoms. No diagnosis has been made and I have not worked with a solitary psychiatrist or counselor for more than a few months at a time.

Anyway, the real kink in this is that I grew up in this small town with an adoptive lesbian mother and my biological mother, but they split up when I was 2 and a half. I went back and forth between their two houses and that created some turmoil, i am sure. My biological mother tried to kill herself twice. I have the visual memory of driving over there. On top of that, I never felt safe in my schools or neighborhood, even though we lived in a small suburban town. Every day I would hear "fag" or "gay" being used as a better word choice than negative other negative nouns and adjectives. I'd literally want to beat down people. Just insulting! My honorary mother was really hard on me growing up, in her own way. I'm trying to see her as more well-intentioned. Anyway, these issues I think contributed to an element of Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD and ADHD I have been diagnosed with. Adderall made me fall asleep!! But the aspergers seems to be the missing link. I need to get checked for that. The BPD is a real twist.

My earliest memory, still photographic in my mind, was at a day care or preschool or something where I asked for more macaroni and cheese, but since I hadn't finished my hot dog I was denied!! Aww man how unfair. And then they pointed out some other kid who had finished his hot dog and they said, look at him...he finished his hotdog and we're giving him more of both. you can have more when you finish your hotdogs. Okay, so if I'm neurogically different, I bet you those nitrates in the hotdog were very noticeable to my system, lady! haha, but seriously. I ruminate like a demon. My parents loved me all my life and I give them a lot of grief never thinking of the positive things. Although I do think as mothers getting sperm donated anonymously through a sperm bank, they must have really wanted me for that positive selfishness that comes through shared love. LIke eckhart tolle says about dogs and cats. There is a giving and receiving when we pet the dog. There is a giving and receiving of them wanting me to have life. But it's challenging.

I'm living at home, on disability, with a UC Berkeley degree. In a few minutes I'm gonna have a bowl of cereal and some my first dose of wellbutrin since high school. Wellbutrin put me at the top of my class in high school, but I was only on it because both my moms had cancer and since they were lesbians, one was really aleinated from her family. She and I were all we had at one point and when they put me on wellbutrin during those days, I was top of my class. Lucky me I guess. Hopefully it has a similar effect and I can get my own place and start giving back to the world. That's my goal. I guess I had a lot to say.



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,472
Location: Houston, Texas

15 Nov 2012, 10:41 am

Welcome to WP!


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!

Now proficient in ChatGPT!


Twolf
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 8 Sep 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 481
Location: Space.

15 Nov 2012, 10:51 am

Hi and welcome. :)



AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 69,880
Location: Portland, Oregon

15 Nov 2012, 1:42 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet!


_________________
Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!


noxnocturne
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2012
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,693
Location: Harassing Muggles

15 Nov 2012, 2:38 pm

Howdy! :flower:



AinsleyHarte
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 14 Nov 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 181
Location: Seattle-ish.

15 Nov 2012, 6:54 pm

Welcome!

Though I don't know what it was like to live your life, I understand it on a very personal level. I spent my teenage years in a small town, and being gay myself, I know intimately the struggles one goes through. I've been "officially" diagnosed with BPD, general anxiety, dysthimia, Bipolar, and PTSD. I also have what one neurologist called, after a week of intensive study, "anxiety-related seizures." Upon discovering Asperger's, I realize that all of those previous diagnoses fit within it, and there is a lot of frustration involved when considering all of those past moments in which someone "should have seen it."

The best advice I can give is to find radical acceptance for your past, and put your energy into today and moving forward with a new perspective and a goal for self-betterment. That's what I'm trying to do. I hope that, if that is what you choose to do, it works in your favor.

Best of luck, and again, welcome! :)


_________________
I wish I knew who I was before I was Me.

Aspie score: 180 / 200 - NT score: 25 / 200
Aloof: 112 / Rigid: 109 / Pragmatic: 117
AQ: 47


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,298
Location: Stalag 13

15 Nov 2012, 11:33 pm

Welkome to WP

MickImage


_________________
Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?