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hartzofspace
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22 Dec 2006, 6:05 pm

I have been trying to figure out how you tell someone you no longer want to be their friend. This woman that I am referring to has turned high maintenance, and all I want to do is be rid of her. God knows people have brushed me off without a qualm in the past, causing me much emotional anguish. I was trying not to do that to her, but she can't seem to take a hint when I ignore her e-mails. Or write very short acknowledgments back. I have had a severe upper respiratory infection, and am so weak I can barely sit at the computer. She had recently sent me a confrontational e-mail, which upset me greatly and made me completely ignore her. I felt that anything I said would be misunderstood. I'd been meaning to call her, but she then left a bag of odds and ends on my porch, which she'd been meaning to bring from a while back. She called me briefly to see if I'd gotten them. I said I had. Then she called another friend of mine, asking her if I'd gotten the bag. Then she sent another e-mail demanding a simple yes or no about the bag. I'm beginning to fear she is coming undone, or something. I don't do well with irrational displays of emotion. Does anyone know how you tell someone they are no longer your friend? :roll: This is causing me much mental anguish!


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MrMark
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22 Dec 2006, 6:34 pm

First of all, don't respond to anymore e-mails. If she calls or comes by and invites you to do anything, make the social excuse. "I'm sorry, I can't, I have to..."


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hartzofspace
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22 Dec 2006, 6:51 pm

Thank you, Mr. Mark. As usual, you are Sir Level Head! :) :)


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IpsoRandomo
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22 Dec 2006, 7:05 pm

What does Mr. Mark mean with the reference "abstract data type"?

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... a4777681f1



MrMark
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22 Dec 2006, 7:19 pm

IpsoRandomo wrote:
What does Mr. Mark mean with the reference "abstract data type"?

TM1 gave me that designation in Aspielocks and the Three Bears.


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hartzofspace
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22 Dec 2006, 9:30 pm

Please, people, I would seriously like some input to my post. I would like to know what you would do in a similar situation? Or if anyone has experienced something like this and how they handled it or wished they handled it? Input would be greatly welcome. Thanks.


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Nexus
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23 Dec 2006, 12:11 am

If you want a harsh but effective way, just be blunt and say, "Listen we can't hang out anymore, I'm sorry but it's just not working out...", add whatever is upsetting you about things she does to this conversation and keep firm to your goal, no matter what she says. It's a very risky move however because it can really upset people, but no matter how you look at it, you're going to upset her no matter how you do it, so why not be confrontational about it if she's really causing distress for you?

I mean if she's not able to take hints you're already giving, then it is time to bring out the 'big guns' socially.

Although my approach I've used is the phase out method where you slowly reduce interaction until none is taking place anymore and you go your own way and they go their own way too. But by the sounds of her, she's not going to be a easy person to rid of as a friend by this method of phasing out though.


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Starr
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23 Dec 2006, 5:54 am

MrMark wrote:
First of all, don't respond to anymore e-mails. If she calls or comes by and invites you to do anything, make the social excuse. "I'm sorry, I can't, I have to..."


I'd suggest starting with this approach too, it's the way an NT would do it I think, so if your friend is NT she'll get the message in her own language. Then if that doesn't work, Nexus's big guns are the next step. Some people are remarkably thick-skinned and don't (or won't) take the hint that a more sensitive person would pick up right away.

I have a friend who I like, but is sometimes demanding, and this usually coincides with a period when I need space so I just don't answer the phone or emails for a few days until I feel more sociable.



hartzofspace
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23 Dec 2006, 2:52 pm

Starr wrote:
MrMark wrote:
First of all, don't respond to anymore e-mails. If she calls or comes by and invites you to do anything, make the social excuse. "I'm sorry, I can't, I have to..."


I'd suggest starting with this approach too, it's the way an NT would do it I think, so if your friend is NT she'll get the message in her own language. Then if that doesn't work, Nexus's big guns are the next step. Some people are remarkably thick-skinned and don't (or won't) take the hint that a more sensitive person would pick up right away.

I have a friend who I like, but is sometimes demanding, and this usually coincides with a period when I need space so I just don't answer the phone or emails for a few days until I feel more sociable.


Yeah, I was trying the not answering the phone and e-mails, but she ESCALATED :roll: She's actually getting more demanding. I think I'll take the "big guns" advice, because now she's going to another mutual friend and getting her to ask questions for her. I don't want this friend to get involved. Thanks for the input, guys. It really helped :)


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