Is it OK for a male to ask a question here (about your age)?

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Note: Before you read this post and threads. this was originally posted in the women's forum because I wanted replies from the women on that forum. However, the moderator moved it here. From here on is the original post: I recently joined this site. I was hoping there was an easy way to find out if there any women who view this site and that are in my age range (50+) but the way this site is set up, it isn't easy to search that way. Is there anyone + or - 50s, 60s? Mainly, I would like someone to talk to, however I also have some questions, in particular if you are on the spectrum (whether diagnosed or self-diagnosed or by online test, etc.), how that has affected your social life and work life. I am also interested in knowing whether you would seek a relationship with an NT man because he would be more competent, successful, etc. The last question could be answered by any age woman here, but how it plays out over the years could be quite different than when you are young. I should mention that I am looking for reply from the high functioning aspie on the spectrum similar to me but I'm not diagnosed. Thanks for reading and I hope Mr. X doesn't mind my posting here. Extra points if you live in U.S., esp. NYC metro.

Last edited by NotDiagnosed on 12 Dec 2012, 10:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

[Moved from Women's Discussion to Love and Dating]

why don't you try posting around the site and just getting to know people? this is not a dating service, so if you want to know women's experiences your best bet is to actually read some threads. i see that you found the Women's Discussion area, and there is also an In-Depth Adult Life Discussion section.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/forum32.html

right now, you are an unknown quantity, a complete stranger to other members. the most effective way to meet people on the site is to get to know them in a friendly manner.

we are ALL PLUS or MINUS 50's-60s
lol

___

I think there is no wrong if women will gonna ask your age.

Thanks for noting my post. Re second reply above, we are all unknown quantities whether aspie, NT or whatever else. Even people we think we know can do things we do not expect. What would you like to know about me?

i don't want to know anything at all, but if you're seeking dates on the site, then other members will probably want to know more about you. it doesn't generally go over too well when people come onto the site for the express purpose of dating - it seems to be taken rather badly. for better results try actually getting to know people on the site by reading threads and posting responses.

I think you're getting ahead of things. I only asked if there were any women my age who post on this site or who read this site. The chances of a date are remote, i.e there would have to be someone my age, who lived near my area, who was single, who was interested in meeting someone, who was interested in me in particular, etc.

By the way, I rely on the tolerance of the readers/writers of this particular forum to tolerate my posting on this particular forum. I don't necessarily belong here, but I thought it might have a better chance of an answer to post my question here because it would be seen by the largest number of people who I want to see it. like what the famous outlaw said about why he robbed banks, because that's where the money is.

Just so you know, I am not reading the other posts in this forum because I don't consider them my business. However, if my presence here is tolerated, then by having a conversation you will learn more about me either to my credit or discredit depending on you conclusions.

Getting back to the purpose of my post, I don't know if I have ever met a woman who is like me, i.e. someone who seems to fit the aspie profile whether diagnosed or not. I may have come across a few in my life without realizing it and they would not have considered themselves to be one either since they were not diagnosed. In any case, I am very interested in meeting such a woman to ask how their life experience compares to mine.

I am also interested in whether the male aspie finds himself in a certain predicament. If aspie men don't appeal to NT women as potential partners, and if aspie men don't appeal to aspie women either as potential partners because the women can do better socially, financially, etc. with an NT man as a partner, then where does that leave aspie men for finding a woman partner? These are not just academic questions to me. They are vital questions.

your first post was a thread intended to look for women in your age range, which you posted in Love & Dating, and your second post was quite similar, though posted in Women's Discussion. if you were just looking for friends, there is a whole other area of the forum specifically intended for that.

we are welcoming to aspies, non-aspies (AKA NTs or "neurotypicals"), suspected aspies, people with other disorders, etc. so it is advisable that you should check out other areas of the forum if you would like to know more about the people who post here. if you don't feel you have any business reading other areas of the forum, then this is not the forum for you. the onus is on you to go and read the information, not for people to approach you (a virtual stranger).

You are corrrect that I originally posted in the Dating and Relationships part of this website, but then I posted again with more specific questions in this part of the website for the reasons below.

I'm not looking for friends and when I said "this forum" I meant this part of this website, i.e. I'm not reading the posts on women's issues in order to respect the privacy of this part of this website.

I appreciate receiving any replies including yours, but I would also like to hear from others any attempt to answer my vital questions as I tried to ask them in my earlier posts as repeated below:

(1) Freud (who I do not follow) was wise enough to say that the two most important things in life are love and work. If being an aspie adversely affects both of those (and affects social life which is why I say I'm not looking for friends), how do the women who read this site cope with this difficulty, especially as they get older? and

(2) Do aspie women solve this problem by mainly or only having male partners who are NT?

There is no part of the website that is "private." Apart from the "members only" section, that you can only see if you're a registered user who's logged in, and the "Adult" section, that you can only see if you are logged in and have entered a date of birth that means you are over a certain age, all parts of this forum are public as far as I know.

Apparently you seem to have posted your question originally in the women's section, but a moderator has moved it to the Love and Dating section as it was presumably deemed more of a topic about dating than about women per se. So you are no longer in the women's section any more. Even if you were, men are not forbidden from reading or posting there, as long as they are sensitive to the female issues being discussed.

With regard to your questions, there are already lots and lots of posts by both men and women regarding how Aspies cope (or fail to cope) with isolation and social difficulties. There are also lots of posts about whether it is theoretically preferable to have an NT spouse or a fellow Aspie, and also lots of posts bemoaning the fact that most Aspies cannot get relationships at all, and most of the discussion about them is purely theoretical. So your questions are nothing that haven't been asked a million times before. Maybe you could go and read those discussions, and join in with them in some of the other threads.

I hope you enjoy your time here and find out whatever it is you want to know.

To Plod:

If you look on Amazon you will find 134 books under "aspergers women". There is nothing there that really examines a full range of life experiences by women on the spectrum. While there are autobiographical books by individual women, for example Pretending to be Normal, just check any of the reviews many of which say their experience is much more difficult than the author's. I would say that we know next to nothing about the range of experience of women on the spectrum especially across the life span.

A little research also shows that the rate of AS in the general population is estimated at 2-3 per 1000 with 1/4 to 1/6 of them being women. This means that women with AS are extremely rare which is why I posted in the women's forum on this website.

Lastly, if the moderator and any other gatekeepers on the women's forum of this site from which my post was removed want to consider surveying the women on the women's forum of this site about their life experiences (all respondents voluntary of course), then I think you would have the makings of a book that has not been written.

Maybe there should also be regional conventions of aspies. I don't mean special interest conventions like Comic-Con and I don't mean academic and/or research conventions of those persons who treat or otherwise work with aspies. What I mean is just a place to meet each other.

I don't use Amazon. However I am aware of the existence of an excellent book called Aspergirls. I have not read it myself but here is a link to it.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Aspergirls-Empo ... 1849058261

The authoress interviewed lots of females with Asperger's and includes anecdotes from them. She also has Asperger's herself.



Well, yes. That's because people are all individuals. No two people are the same.



Who's "we?" Do you mean you?





A little more research would tell you that women tend to go undiagnosed more than men do. A lot of people (myself included) believe that the figures are even. It's probably a 50/50 split; it's just that male Aspies get spotted more than females do, for several reasons. Again, if you would care to read some of the numerous threads on the subject, you'd find out why.



There is an option for including a "poll" in any threads that you start. Feel free to make polls if you wish, and ask all the questions you want (or go and read some of the numerous polls that have already been made).



Again, there are actually numerous threads on this topic. There are meet-up threads on this website. They do exist.

Nearly everything you're talking about is already covered elsewhere. Why don't you just go and do a spot of browsing through the different forum threads? You'll probably find all of your answers there.