Do you ever feel so lonely from being ignored?

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Blue Jay
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19 Dec 2012, 3:15 am

I know I'm not the most sociable person, but it seems like people are just increasingly ignoring me, and nothing seems right about it. I don't know what to do, since I thought these people are my friends and they're the only ones who I ever talk to (and aren't my parents). Does anyone here ever feel like this? It seems like a lot of other people with Asperger's often feel the opposite way, like they're being bothered by others constantly trying to communicate with them, but it's the total opposite with me. I feel bothered that I'm not being talked to or at least checked up on.

I mean, I've been suffering under depression and no one is even trying to reach out to me despite clear hints about how I'm feeling in my life. It doesn't seem like I have friends or anyone like that who's there for me and it.... sucks. What do you think I should do, find new friends and toss those others out, because I still have enough empathy that I can't do that despite others seemingly able to just toss me out of their lives.


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A_floating_moon
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19 Dec 2012, 4:35 am

There have been many times I've felt similarly, wanting someone to comfort me or talk to me. (Well, I was always too afraid to do the approaching, but most everyone else seemed without fear and yet never approached me.)

Though, I never had friends around that could possibly do those things, so I don't know what to suggest.
I've noticed that people do tend to avoid others that complain a lot. Of course I don't know how you've been acting around people... But.. Maybe if you try to help yourself by trying to act more positive and upbeat, others will be more likely to want to be around you and talk with you and such.
:huh:


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Nascaireacht
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19 Dec 2012, 5:53 am

Yes, and I do have friends. But I never know how to approach them, so I end up waiting for them to come to me. Which they don't always do. And I end up feeling lonely and ignored. As well as feeling like a needy selfish friend, since I expect them to do all the running



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19 Dec 2012, 9:39 am

Guess there are more people like me out there after all. I just feel oversensitive all the time and due to various stimuli. Like, I won't be upset with you if you don't talk to me when I don't need comforting and sometimes, I may even think you're annoying, but not having you there for me and being someone who can't effectively state what he wants, I often just feel like this habitually when I think I'm being ignored and not supported through various endeavors. It's just difficult to be me, and as I could imagine, to be someone else with an ASD. Well, I don't think I should just cast off people, since I know how it feels when you are and though I doubt a neurotypical would feel the same way as I would being cast off, I still don't want them to even remotely think of me as some jerk. People seem to like me because I don't appear needy, but the sad thing is, maintaining that has eventually made me needy, but I don't want them to think of me any differently. Guess I'm just some damn fool or something who can't trust others for some reason. :/


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SanityTheorist
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19 Dec 2012, 9:42 am

Nope; I can fully trust my 7 or so friends. For that, I am lucky.


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fuzzylights
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19 Dec 2012, 6:35 pm

I don't find I get ignored, in fact when I really put the effort in to have a social life I can in be in quite high demand! It's all about understanding social situations and making them work for you in ways you know how. Learning to read people is really difficult but totally possible.



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19 Dec 2012, 11:47 pm

It bothers me around people Im close to such as family and good friends.

Complete strangers I couldn't care less what they think about me



ruckus
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20 Dec 2012, 4:50 am

I'm definitely feeling this lately, although I don't make my despair public and try to keep a positive attitude when around others unless we're very close. Since ending my last relationship and finishing up my art course, my social circle has essentially disappeared, as they were all my ex's friends or people from school, and I haven't had much luck keeping in touch with any of them despite my efforts. It's at the point where asking somebody out for drinks and getting dead silence in return is the norm (there have been times where I've contacted over a dozen people with the same results). I've hung out with friends maybe 3 times since October, and I'm growing more concerned about my mental state with each passing day.



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20 Dec 2012, 4:04 pm

A_floating_moon wrote:
I've noticed that people do tend to avoid others that complain a lot.


Yes, exactly. People always come complaining to you, but in exchange, when YOU are in trouble, they dissapear and pretend like they don´t exist or even say out loud you are bothering them. It happened to me many times. That´s why I stopped helping people when they are in a minor trouble. Only when they are in a grave danger or so - I´ve once helped to a woman that was overdriven by a tram - I help them immediately. But otherwise, I do not care anymore... because they never helped me when I needed it.


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tjr1243
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20 Dec 2012, 10:12 pm

I often feel the same way and anticipate such a situation looming if it hasn't already. I will be phased out. Obsolete. I won't matter to anyone at all. I cope by being sensitive to the signs before it comes on and proactively "coping" with it in advance. And coming here. I just don't trust that I will last with people due to past negative experiences. I don't recommend this way of "coping" with rejection or perceived rejection, but it is the only thing that lessens the sting.

One thing that does help is finding others who have the same experiences, even if it is just online. I felt less alone after reading your post (and others here) and no longer feel like the only one experiencing this :(



Pondering
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21 Dec 2012, 3:59 am

Yeah it can feel really bad. It would be nice if people who do not want to have much to do with me just be honest and direct by telling me "I don't want to continue speaking with you". I would respond with "okay, thanks for letting me know." I respect honesty and I am tired of the silent treatment.


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operationpaperclip
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21 Dec 2012, 9:12 am

Lonely, nope. If I'm trying to get a person's attention and they're ignoring me, I could become pretty enraged.



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09 Jan 2013, 10:10 pm

Nascaireacht wrote:
Yes, and I do have friends. But I never know how to approach them, so I end up waiting for them to come to me. Which they don't always do. And I end up feeling lonely and ignored. As well as feeling like a needy selfish friend, since I expect them to do all the running



I know exactly how you feel, I can go weeks without saying a thing to my friends and then when they need something they expect me to come running. I always go because I don't know how to say no and I dont want to be a bad friend. But I feel like a burden when i am having a hard time, because something always seems to be going on with them and they never really ask how I am. So when i need things, I just figure it out myself or bottle it up.

Does anyone else have this problem? How do I change it



auntblabby
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09 Jan 2013, 10:17 pm

being ignored is better than being abused.



muslimmetalhead
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09 Jan 2013, 10:34 pm

Yeah, i feel like that a lot. I feel like whenever I have these sorts of issues dealing with people, I need to reappraise my understanding of the world, but that's just puberty working its wonders.

It would suck to have a crappy adult social life, because you can't just blame it on your immaturity.


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VAGraduateStudent
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12 Jan 2013, 2:55 pm

I don't want to go into detail about this, but I lost a family member and a close friend to depression. Since then, as a sociologist, I've done some reading about what happens to get people into these isolated places where either they can't feel help from others or people just don't want to help them.

Often, when you're in a bad place, your family and friends sense it, like when you've got a bad cold. They might avoid you and wait for you to be your happy self again, which is the "you" that they enjoy being around. They aren't aware that they're doing this. They just don't know how to help you.

It's also common, when you're feeling bad, for others to try to hang out with you or talk to you and for you to be feeling so bad that you don't get it and you feel more alone than you really are.

There's probably something that still makes you happy and you should spend time doing that. You should also force yourself to do something new in a new environment. This could be a road trip or a class doing something different or starting to ride a bike or take walks. If you don't have an animal you should get one. You should make sure you're going out with your friends, even if you're not sure if they want you around. When you feel bad you often feel unwanted even when that's not the case.

Keep in mind that if you've felt bad for a long time, you may be clinically (chronically) depressed and your judgement may not be accurate, so it's good to ask the opinion of someone you trust before making big decisions. And sometimes it's better to rely on online friends for awhile if you just don't trust your real life friends.

I hope things get better soon.