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Catharascotia
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04 Feb 2013, 12:53 am

I am a girl and have never had any luck with guys. I'm 21 and have been on one date. Guys never approach me or pay attention to me. I always assumed I was just really ugly, but my best friend swears I'm not ugly, she says I'm attractive (she's my best friend and a total sweetheart so I'm not sure if I believe her...), I'm just unapproachable. In her words, "You sometimes have a stern look that just says "I don't want to be bothered."" I sometimes get people telling me I look angry, even when I'm not. Could this really be my main problem? It seems like a little thing, considering how I NEVER get guy attention and every other girl I know does. What do I do about this? How does a girl become more approachable (without simply dressing like a slut)?



Philosoraptor
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04 Feb 2013, 1:12 am

Here is a guy perspective. It might not carry over to most NT guys, but it should hopefully provide some value.

What I notice most about a girl is what it seems she is trying to convey. A girl wearing skimpy low-cut clothes seems to convey "hey, I am sexy and that defines me." Some guys like that (I don't) and will pursue accordingly. If your image to the world is one of complete sternness and silence, then it is difficult to get a good sense of what kind of person you would be purely from appearance. As an Aspie, it's even harder since gauging body language is also out of the question.

My suggestion would be to express what kind of person you are and what interests you hold whenever you get the opportunity. It might not get NT guys flocking who want a girl who fits a specific mold, but you are bound to catch the attention of someone impressed by your personality and interests when you reveal it to the world.

If you already do that, it might be a matter of demographics. If the kind you guy you attract is an Aspie, or at least an introvert, then the lack of approaching might be due to the the lack of approaching nature of those kinds of guys. To solve that, you'd either have to try and attract the boisterous NT guys, or make interest in the quieter guys more apparent to hopefully incentivize them to approach you.

Hope this helps.



eric76
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04 Feb 2013, 2:36 am

Catharascotia wrote:
I am a girl and have never had any luck with guys. I'm 21 and have been on one date. Guys never approach me or pay attention to me. I always assumed I was just really ugly, but my best friend swears I'm not ugly, she says I'm attractive (she's my best friend and a total sweetheart so I'm not sure if I believe her...), I'm just unapproachable. In her words, "You sometimes have a stern look that just says "I don't want to be bothered."" I sometimes get people telling me I look angry, even when I'm not. Could this really be my main problem? It seems like a little thing, considering how I NEVER get guy attention and every other girl I know does. What do I do about this? How does a girl become more approachable (without simply dressing like a slut)?


I was rather surprised as a senior in high school to find out that the classmate of mine who was easily the most attractive, at least in my eyes considering that I had a crush on her from the first day of first grade on, had only had something like two dates in high school. Everyone else thought she was unapproachable.



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04 Feb 2013, 9:43 am

Catharascotia wrote:
I am a girl and have never had any luck with guys. I'm 21 and have been on one date. Guys never approach me or pay attention to me. I always assumed I was just really ugly, but my best friend swears I'm not ugly, she says I'm attractive (she's my best friend and a total sweetheart so I'm not sure if I believe her...), I'm just unapproachable. In her words, "You sometimes have a stern look that just says "I don't want to be bothered."" I sometimes get people telling me I look angry, even when I'm not. Could this really be my main problem? It seems like a little thing, considering how I NEVER get guy attention and every other girl I know does. What do I do about this? How does a girl become more approachable (without simply dressing like a slut)?


Relations between attracted parties is all a huge act, one that I have not bothered to learn, but seems to come naturally to those who are not on the spectrum. Girls are supposed to act one way (flirt with the eyes, body language, touch her hair, etc.) Men are supposed to act another way (stand tall, look macho, smile mischievously) I mean, really?? To watch these ridiculous interactions is comical to me. In my mind I am who I am, take me as I am. I wouldn't expect anyone to change for me. I don't like games. Some of my childhood friends (all male) went through phases of liking me, it went right over my head and they gave up. I only learned of this later. If you aren't blunt with me I will not see it.