How to revive my interest in dating/women?

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^^^i'd agree, but it cuts both ways in most cases. half of the workforce in the western world is populated by women, so it is usually an expectation that women will work too. exceptions are sometimes made for both men and women for various reasons, but in terms of improving dating prospects i think it's better to be employed if at all possible. being employed can help to prevent a partner from becoming too dependent as well, in the longer term.

I think that the expectation that men work is stronger than that women work, even in your western civilizations. Same for the expectations of owning a car, to drive or to make the first move and pay for dinner.

yes, i think there is a specific gendered bias against men who don't work, definitely (i.e. seen as lazy, or fail to launch from parents' basement). but there is also a specific gendered bias against women who don't work (i.e. seen as gold diggers, or old-fashioned conservative traditionalists). there is stigma on both sides, though it is viewed differently.

Old-fashioned conservative men would love to date old-fashioned conservative women; but old-fashioned women certainly wouldn't want a non-working man!! So both old-fashioned and modern women wouldn't want an unemployed men.

How many non-working women you know got married/bf? I bet there's plenty, what about the other way around case? I bet it's much fewer.

No matter how much you try to equalize it, men always have it harder in the dating market :trollish-smile:.

not all women are old-fashioned conservative though. so you can match up progressive women with progressive men.

... i already said that about equal numbers of men and women are in the workforce here. and that is reflected in dating - about the same number of unemployed men and women in my social circle are in relationships. Boo, you live in an area where men are employed at a much higher rate than women, so you can't compare that to Canada/US/UK/etc.

Yeah, right. Honestly, I hardly believe the bold part, unless you provide me numbers, names and their fb/linkend profiles .

Plus, the men and women who got unemployed after getting married/engaged/taken are irrelevant to our discussion. Also a small sample less than 30 is irrelevant too.

JanuaryMan is just between jobs, so it isn't like he is forever-unemployed. THAT is actually a major factor, and not for money reasons. basically, people like other people who seem to have something on their plate. so someone that is between jobs might have a tougher time. but he isn't in as hard of a position as someone who has never worked.

people do date when between jobs, but it can be a depressing and soul-destroying period so i doubt it is very high on the list of priorities a lot of the time. if you read Gawker's Unemployment Stories series, you'll see what i mean.

Can you link me to these? I'd like to see if other guys have had similar experiences when going through periods of unemployment. I haven't had a real job in over a year and it has really made me feel horrid at the best of times, and I seem to bring it up with my family when my guard is down and I'm under drink. I do think it is also affecting my libido to a fair extent. Job and money is like metaphorical balls to men lol..

So I guess you lot have helped me identify the main causes of my current emotional behaviour (or lack of). It's not that I didn't want to work over these last 15-16 months. I had a breakdown and was a victim of crime and lost a lot of money and everything I had worked hard to build up in 2-3 years because of some violent drug-addict bigot. It took months for me to even want to go out and do routine things like a normal person again. But by then I was already very undermotivated and even forgetful of how to go about the basics in interviews or even applying/searching. But hey I guess that's another story which is best left for Haven or Work sub boards. In the mean time I'll just focus on getting back into work and getting back into shape, and maybe building on some new friendships I've made recently. By the time I've gotten a bit more stable maybe opportunity will knock?

Thanks.

yeah, no problem. i read them myself, every week or so when they come out. i am also unemployed at the moment and have had periods as long as a year when i've been out of work. i've had approximately 30 jobs in 25 years, and even though i'm university educated and have worked as a school principal, i am currently looking at minimum wage jobs (my last job was a scammy loan company, before that was past time in a retail party store).

the stories are harrowing but also made me feel like i am not alone. the sidebar has the full series.

http://gawker.com/hello-from-the-underclass/

EDIT: i should add that anxiety/depression/etc often lead me to losing or quitting jobs really. or they make me unable to do the jobs i'm qualified for.

Last edited by hyperlexian on 11 Feb 2013, 5:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This might seem like a stupid question, OP, but why do you need to revive your interest in dating? It's okay to take a break from time to time and there is nothing wrong with that, so I'm just curious. Do you think dating is something you want in your life or do you just feel it's something that is expected of you?

Just want some passion in my life again I gave up on expectations a good while ago. People have to take me as I am, but having said that there are a few things I expect of myself such as a job and steady income, security.

OK. Carry on, then.

I'd just noticed that you're in my age bracket and I know the social pressures to 'find someone and settle down' can start to loom large around this time.

The head space you are in right now, you may find what you seek. I met my husband when I was just looking for friends about three years ago. I had always scoffed when people would say when you are not looking for love, that is when it will find you. Just a thought.

Last edited by hartzofspace on 12 Feb 2013, 8:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sorry to pop up your bubble but that hardly would work for males. And no, males can't just sit around 'waiting for love'.

Do you really believe that your husband wasn't seeking?

Also, there's something called "passively looking".

Please, always consider the gender before giving love advice.

You're really becoming quite cynical lately. What you get a few dates on okcupid and suddenly you're an expert? .....Aren't you still a virigin? You've got a few more levels before you get to expert buddy