Can't say anything good, don't say anything at all..anytime?

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Sometimes I recognize that something I have said may have sounded inappropriate, hurtful, or pompous. Hopefully, I am able to catch it quickly and retract it or clarify what I meant. Sometimes, though, I feel like it has become too late to retract or clarify what I said, even though I have recognized that what I said may have been inappropriate for the conversation. When I feel like this, I tend to think to myself sometimes that I should simply be quiet more. But because since any conversational material is fair game for my blundering, it is beginning to feel like keeping my mouth is something I do all the time--and that can't be healthy, can it? Does anyone identify with this? And is it better to be quiet or to speak freely knowing that although some things you can catch, others you will not, and no matter what you will do you will have to face the ramifications of your offending words no matter what?

I definitely identify with it. I've had mental / verbal slips in the past that have offended people, and in a conversation it is far harder to retract anything than it would be here for example. Explaining what you meant, there's no real time limit for that. It will be valid whenever it is done, unless you're talking waiting weeks or months, let alone years. Retractions, that's usually within the first thirty seconds, so there's no point worrying about it if you missed that.

As for the whole clarification thing? Hell, I've at times tried to clarify three, four times, just because I've felt I haven't done all that great of a job of it. As long as you aren't making it seem like the other person is at fault for misunderstanding you, clarifications will usually be received at least somewhat positively. If the person doesn't want to give you the chance, well, they'll make that clear enough.

On being quiet or speaking your mind, I tend to go with being quiet more than not (outside of here, here I find it to be more the opposite...) as it is harder to make revisions after the fact. People also don't seem to expect clarification in verbal communication as frequently. I wouldn't say staying quiet is good advice, its just easier at times, but easier isn't always better.

If you're on good terms with the person that you may have offended, you'll have a better chance of them accepting, or even allowing, you to "fix" what you may have said that offended them. If they don't want to give you a chance, well, the hell with them. Everyone slips up now and then.

I definitely identify with what you're saying. I really don't know what the right solution is though. Like it seems like what ever I say was the wrong thing to say. For instance I'm too overly honest and I have strong opinions and a strong belief system about right versus wrong. So that gets me into trouble with others. I either come across as too negative, a know it all or disagreeable or sometimes compliments or plain observations end up coming out as an insult.

It was getting so bad at work not long ago where I couldn't seem to do or say anything right so I quit saying anything unless it was absolutely necessary as in answering a question directed towards me. Well darn if that didn't get me into hot water too! I was reported to my supervisor for not acting normal and supposedly people were reporting me because they feared something was wrong with me because I was too quiet. The whole point was to quit acting like myself because my normal self is apparently offensive to others. But then keeping my big mouth shut was apparently offensive too. I really don't know what that happy medium is.

I personally think I need to shut my mouth more, but I don't want to be accused again of being "aloof, troubled or angry" when I am trying to be a good little Aspie and keep quiet. I would personally rather keep quiet because I think it does help with character development (some people might call it developing Buddah mind, but I'm not Buddhist). I wish people would leave me alone when I want to be quiet because I learn more when I shut up and observe how other people converse back and forth. I mean its just not an innate ability with me to understand that secret NT dance of knowing what to say and when and when to be honest and when to lie.