I'm still mourning the loss of my London Dream.

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I still seem to be grieving the demise of the Routemaster. I've thought that I would be over this, by now. After all, aren't I in Canada? Shouldn't I be watching a Hockey Game, instead? The genes were randomly handed to each member of my original Nuculer Family Unit. I was given the British end of the stick, in many different ways. Could that be why I'm still going through the Healing Proccess, while everybody else is absorbed into little worlds of their own? Perhaps I might be the one who's stuck in my "Own Little World". I was trying to think about hippies and flowers, while I was doing my 5:30 walk, this morning. I've nearly passed out, when I got to my door. If I've nearly passed out, I'd hate to know how many Autistic children have died from ABA training.

I mourn the losses of animals. I'm mourning the demise of the Routemaster, still. Why can't I mourn the passing of humans, like normal people do?

I'm a big mess, right now. I've been crying for fiften minutes, since I've woken up. I've told myself that it must be the nineth of the month, today. Surely enogh, today is the 9th of January. I've been crying my pathetic little eyes out, for my beloved Routemasters. If I'm going to be like that, on the 9th of every month, for the rest of my life, I might as well sneak on a plane to London, find the Routemaster Graveyard, sneak my sorry body in to one of those Buses, crawl up into a ball, and die. That way, I'd be able to put myself out of my misery, without making a mess.

Why does the 9th of every single month turn out, that way for me? Why can't I just go through this particular date of just one month, without sinking into a Grey Funk? And I apologize to me Old China. I'm sure that you didn't want to come back to WP to see this. I wish that all of you could see me in a better state than this. I've thought that I was over the demise of the Routemaster, and moving on to a more cosmic existance, for the year of 2007, the 40th Aniversary of The Summer of Love. Please tell me that you'll all still love me, if I don't change one little bit, this year?

On December 10, 2005, my master has decided to let me relax for a day, and get my thoughts together. The next day, on the 11th, he came back and held out his right hand, which contained two pills. A blue one, and a red one. He told me to take the blue pill, if I wanted to continue my life, as it was, as a Swinger. He told me to take the red pill, if I wanted to grow up and develope a more mature obsession. I've decided to swallow the red pill, in honour of the Routemaster. I've kept on asking myself, why I had to choose the red pill...why did I choose the red pill? I've taken anothe look back at my first days, at WrongPlanet. I've come to the realization that I was far from being cured of my AS, and that I was annoying the heck out of the people at my Clubhouse with my Austin Powers impressons. I was putting on my acts, instead of giving people space and keeping to myself. I've really calmed down, after taking the red pill. I now keep to myself, when I'm at my Clubhouse. I'm either in the communicatons room, looking at my Buses on the Internet. I speak, when I'm spoken to, and when the radio is on the Oldies Station, I sit in front of the radio, harmlessly stimming with my Bus necklace, that I've made with a keychain and a key lead, only speakng when I'm spoken to, but not about the first love that I have at this time, (Buses). As low-functioning as I am, I've come to the realization that I'm higher functioning than I was, when I've joined this community, in the July of 2004. I prommise you commerades of mine, no more tears, for the rest of this month.

I pride myself on swallowing that red pill, and I'm glad that I did. Okay. That's enough Matrix Talk, for today.

Why can't there just be a Happy Button that I could press, like the Easy Button on the Staples commercial. Is there any way that I can will the sadness away, and speed the grieving proccess?

Maybe it will help if you think of it this way: It's not really the demise of the Routemaster. They're just being taken out of regular service. It's not like they are all going to be destroyed or anything! If you have the money, you can even buy a Routemaster of your very own- http://www.routemaster.org.uk/

This is small potatoes, compared to what most of you are going through, with suicides and deaths and family wars. Why can't I be more like you guys, and post about those things, instead of some Bus? Do I really have that much of a mind of a Londoner, that I have to pour out my deep feelings for the Routemaster, while the rest of you are dealing with things that are twenty times as serious as this? Small potatoes...that's all it is, small potatoes.

Ignore what I've just posted, above. My feelings aren't small potatoes, to me. As a really good friend told me, early yesterday morning, I'm a human geing, free to have my own thoughts and my own feelings. I'm not a robot. Nobody is. We can't be expected to live our lives in a vaccum. I feel deeply towards the Jolly Red Beast of London, and I've now admitted that I have feelings, and I've allowed myself to express them.

Thankyou, all for dealing with my emotions. The 9th of each month is a very hard date for me, because it was on the 9th of December in a certian year, that the Routemasters were pulled out of regular London service. A year that I find it hard to speak of. This might not be a big deal to most of you, but it's a big deal for me. Don't be suprized, if I post another thread like this one, on the 9th date of random months. Thankyou, once again.

I am very grateful.