Loving others

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I have that feeling too. You have to view the topic with "black and white"-eyes to accept it. I'm surprised people in here don't buy it, because black and white thinking is supposedly a common aspie trait.


Wow, it's so rare that someone really gets this ( :

I think that a person ideally needs to have already come to the conclusion themself via their own research and study or general experience of the world, which is what I've done as the subject interests me a lot

I don't know if people also realise that altruism and spitefulness are two sides of the same coin ie both are survival strategies - one where people help others and one where they deliberately harm them. Both are used by humans to gain benefits ie as survival techniques

When you look at the world this way it makes a lot of sense but will probably be very scary and unpleasant to the majority hence they will prefer to dismiss it; which is their perogative.

I think a person needs a dispassionate, scientific mindset to get the most out of this way of seeing the world and an interest in genetics and evolutionary theory.

It's a mistake to assume all people with Aspergers have scientific, logical minds - some will but many won't.

I made this mistake myself initially. I assumed all people with Aspergers would be similar in character and interests to myself, which is highly unrealistic.

Just as only some NTs are interested in science and logic, so are only some aspies.

I'll admit that not everyone looks at ways to love people. In fact I'd argue that our generation is quite selfish.

But I know that some people can be very loving, even to strangers, without expecting anything in return.

I know some people like that, who are rare, but when you do get to know them, they can change your life for the better.

I agree with you, I've met people like that too.

I just see it as problematic that they probably only are that way because there is something "wrong" with them, like autism.

I've seen it over and over: people who are extraordinarily loving towards others they don't really know often have serious personal problems. It's only if you care too little about yourself that you will love strangers that unconditionally. And it's basically wrong to nok care mostly about yourself. I'd prefer it wasn't that way.

But well, yeah, I'd probably just like that an autistic mindset was not considered a disability. But in survival-terms, it really is!

It's not wrong, it's a personal choice for the individual

I think it's probably possible to care for yourself and others equally - very hard work but possible

Yes, there is more to love than that. There are many different types of love, multiple things are described by love, but not everything people do are out of self interest.

It is possible. I know someone like that. She was a nurse and cared for orphaned children. She didn't have anything "wrong" with her, in fact she was a very social person and she still took good care of herself. She even took in children from less fortunate backgrounds and took care of them as if they were her own children.

She was so rare because everyone she encountered seemed to develop a personal relationship with her. People loved her back for it. Even in old age, she was losing her memory, but she still struck up conversations with people and loved people even though she didn't know who they were.

It sounds like she was chanelling Agape then - unselfish love for her fellow humans

These people are very rare but they do exist luckily!

It is a personal choice.

I just see that with the way the world is put together it's most likely that you should expect to be punished, not rewarded, for not mostly serving your own interests.

I know what you mean

I've experienced this myself with the last person I was seeing

I loved him and was very generous towards him - I lent and gave him money to help him out as he had a lot of financial difficulties

I would say to myself 'It doesn't matter that he isn't generous in return, it's me being loving towards him that matters'

I said to myself 'If you were a proper Christian you would not be focused on what you are getting in return in this relationship; helping him would be the main thing'

But it did matter! - I felt I was being used and humiliated and it built up a lot of anger and resentment in me to the extent I had to finish it as I felt I was being badly exploited in a very cynical and cruel manner

So I find it a major moral conundrum myself re how it is possible to keep loving a person when all they do is abuse your generosity and selflessness and offer nothing but selfishness and disrespect in return

I think Christian teaching would say 'No matter what the other person's behaviour, showing love is all that matters',
but as you say this is surely a recipe for disaster for a vulnerable person like myself and for most people really!

This is where I find Christian teachings to be in direct conflict with natural, sensible self-preservation

Wow.

I should probably begin to acknowledge that serving your own interests also can help others.

But that is really the same as saying that the cooperation aspect of life is beautiful. I agree. Seeing it as true love in a romantic setting can be very difficult for me, however. (because the competition aspect is over it too).

What I hear you guys say is that some parts of the cooperation aspect of life really should be considered true love.

I guess that's the best attitude to put on:

"we are in it to survive together, and we love each other for being there for one another through good and bad times."


It's because my autistic original/natural understanding of love has no relation to survival at all....I see that's why it has been so difficult for me to really think of the above stated kind of love, as true love.

It's very fundamental. The autistic kind of love is about being very kind, warm, forgiving, understanding, honest, helpful and compassionate towards one's partner. People loving in the way stated above do not express love that way, but they still love each other in the cooperational sense.

I just seem to miss the autistic kind of love when it's not there.

I think a lot of these ideas of love are idealistic in the extreme

real people are hard work and you need the patience of a saint to love them in an ongoing manner

I think love in the spirit of friendship and co-operation; caring about and wanting the best for another person, is easier to achieve than romantic 'true love', which I feel is often mainly lust, which is self-serving. Books and films present love as some kind of ideal state of being but I think for many people this kind of relationship love can cause them a lot of suffering as it often entails such highs and lows.

I think romantic love is very disruptive to the spirit and often does not lead to a state of contentment.

Oh, I'm going to bring this up now, but it's not that society punishes thus who act out of self interest, that's seen as very noble, but it rather follows that since you aren't acting out of self interest you won't be reaping direct reward for yourself. If you were truely acting for the interest of others that wouldn't bother you. It might annoy you a little, but it wouldn't stop you from doing what you do.

In other words: Love doesn't have to be a feeling. It can be a choice to act in ways that promote the well-being of others.

So you don't have to "feel" anything to love someone else. Sometimes, the truest love of all is the sort where you decided long ago that even if you are feeling grumpy or indifferent, you will act to help this person that you have decided to love.

i love who is innocent. all of them.