Being asked how you are

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I don't really hate being asked that question, but why ask it if you don't want to know? If you want to be polite, just say "Hi". Saying "Hi" is still being polite. Or am I missing something......?

i'm not too bothered by it... but this depends on what sort of mood i am already in. i have actually lashed out at people for asking this in the past. but more recently, i've gotten better at "small talk" though, i usually answer improperly with a long string of details about how i really am, and then i see them start to look around a lot, and i think "oh, i'm doing it again". i try to keep it to a "fine" or "good", but more often than not i just start to ramble.

Yes. I too have given an honest answer, when expected to return a "good", "fine" or "very well, thank you" only to see the other bored or baffeled . It has taken me years to learn to answer as expected, and it still feels awkward at times.

Happens to me all the time, its not what you say its how you say it, incorrect body language and poor voice modulation will disreguard anything you say.

I usually reply with the obligatory fine or good.

A couple weeks ago I found myself thinking for a bit before saying good, and was asked if that meant I wasn't good. Nope, I then had to explain I was contemplating how much detail I should bother getting into and decided a succinct "good," would do vs. Rambling on.

I only usually ever say how I really am to my closest friends, and only in private when appropriate, if I'm not doing well. I find it beneficial to be able to do this once in a while, but am conscious of not wanting to always be a downer if I'm going through a prolonged blue period. No one wants to be a constant burden on their friends, so sometimes you still have to just say "fine," in order to maintain your friendship with them. Hopefully things continue going well and I won't have to do this again.

As for the ritual, this thread had me thinking about its purpose and why we don't get it while I was riding the train today. I wonder if its become a ritual more to allow the short time to assess body language and vocal tone to get a feel for how someone is really doing despite their socially acceptable "fine," verbal response.. And because so many of us miss those cues, many of us just don't get the point of this illogical ritual - either that or we manage to botch it somehow.

lol I still get stuck on the whole "Do I seriously answer this question or not?" issue... I especially get caught out on the "What's new?" question, and for some reason I still seriously answer that and often mumble something like "gosh, I don't know, what's NEW huh? When did we last catch up? I am just trying to think of anything new that may have happened since then..." lol (seriously)

I hate it because they aren't interested in how you REALLY are, they are just fulfilling an obligatory NT social ritual by asking you. If you are having a bad day and begin telling them how awful it's been, they get extremely uncomfortable and look at you like you have a penis growing out of your head. I only figured this out about two years ago that when someone asks how you are doing, the correct response is to just say "Fine. How about you?" instead of going on and on about my real day. It's especially hard for me to ask them how they are in return. Took many years before I figured out that they are expecting you to ask them in return.

I've known for a long time that they don't care how your day went. I just hate when they ask me more questions despite me answering.

I figured out pretty quick that I had to say I was ok, but it took me a long time to realise that I had to ask them the question back. It seems so obvious now but it genuinely never occurred to be before and I wonder now how people thought I was self obsessed or mean for not asking how they were.

I do still forget to this sometimes though. My husbands cousin was walking down the street this week as I was getting out of my car and asked me how I was. She's really nice and I was happy to tell her I'd just bought a new cookbook and was looking forward to trying some of the recipes, but I forgot to ask her how she was before I got into the house. It's not that I'm not interested its just that I forgot, probably because I was preoccupied with my new book. It makes me wonder what she really thinks of me even though I've never been deliberately unpolite to her. I guess we're always gonna be mis-understood though.

This question is like the bane of my existence, lol. Makes me really uncomfortable and pressured... And I don't do social scripts.

Saying "how are you" is the same as saying "hi". "Hi" is actually a shortened form of "how are you". I just say "fine" or "good". I leave out the reciprocal "and you?" and so the interaction ends there.
Some people say "how are you" in answer to "how are you". End of interaction. You can also say "hi" in answer to "how are you".
Greetings like this usually have a deeper meaning of " I acknowledge your presence, I come in peace, I mean you no harm.".
It's better then a hand shake, imo.

Yeah, it is so trivial, because all that ever happens is I say "fine, how are you?" they say they are doing well, I say "good!" and the conversation ends awkwardly.

I don't particularly mind it really and usually i say how your doing the other person says fine thank you pretty much end it there.

Oh cripes, only the other day someone asked how I was, and before I could finish my answer he said "a simple yes or no would suffice".

Though most of the time I automatically reply "Fine, and you?" Guess I was just tired/worried/stressed that day

this brings up a sore point for me: i was reading my Informal Logic class's textbook about a week ago, and i noticed a sub-chapter about this very topic. the author said that people who answered the "how are you" in the long-form were "insufferable bores who no one wants to deal with".

my teacher parroted the same sentiment in class a few days later. i have to admit... after that, i was sitting in my seat, for the remainder of the class, squirming and thinking: "oh god... it's true... i'm a bore that no one wants to deal with"! I think everyone else thought i had to go to the bathroom.

I think I get more frustrated than annoyed. I can manage "how're ya?", as that's very common here and can easily be answered with "grand. And yourself?". But occasionally I get asked "what's the craic?". I don't even know what that means! I don't know if they're asking how I am or what am I up to.

What annoys me more is that my automatic response to the question is "fine". As a result, I can't properly answer the question when it's asked by professionals, like my psychiatrist or therapist. I don't know if they're asking how I am or if it's a continuation of the greeting.