Family Members Who Don't Believe Diagnosis

Post Reply New Topic

My father is elderly, and refuses to believe my Asperger's diagnosis. "You just want to be autistic" is what he said to me when I shared the news. "There's nothing wrong with you--you were reading the newspaper before you even went to kindergarten". Explaining that he had just described one of the fundamental signs of Asperger's was met with a derisive and dismissive roll of the eyes.

My diagnosis has been a HUGE event in my life. It has explained so much. I wish I could share this with him, but he refuses to hear anything about it. What's worse, he still criticizes me for things the Asperger's causes (like stims).

Has anyone else had this experience? How did you handle it?

I face a similar response from my family especially my father who I have the closest relationship with. The idea that I have AS has been met with severe opposition by my father who has always believed that I just need to "stop caring so much" and just "go with the flow" which is impossible for me, I over analyze everything in order to understand it. He too criticizes me for the follies that are caused by AS and yearns for me to be "normal" (I question what is normal?). My entire life my father has told me that my mental disadvantages are curable through intense self-improvement and self-awareness, this has driven me into a brick wall. I've been made to feel guilty for my actions that I feel as though I am not in control of and have fought to figure out how to find myself equilibrium in all aspects of life. However, each attempt backfires and I fail disappointing him even more. This has been going on for years now and I now know that it is not a temporary chemical imbalance (perhaps a little) but overall my brain is permanently wired differently.

The problem with convincing our loved ones is their inability to see the world through our eyes. Soon, I am going to attempt to give my father examples of the way I approach normal tasks, like driving in traffic or eating in a restaurant. The complexity of these tasks for me and my excessive over analyzing may help him understand why a diagnosis is so important when my life is dominated by my AS.
Perhaps your father would respond better to specific examples of how AS affects your quality of life? I know that his support is very important to you as my fathers is to me. I hope he comes around, good luck to you!

I've had people saying that I should stop acting the way I do and just be "normal". And that theres nothing actually wrong with me it's just that I choose to act the way i do.

Some people just dont get it sometimes =[

My experience has been that when it comes to most psychological matters, most people can not understand it (in varying degrees). This has been true of my Asperger's, my being a recovering alcoholic, or my having a mentally ill parent.

So, if I choose to disclose, I try to set my expectations that they are unlikely to really understand. This means I side-step getting sucked into conversations that tend to be more debate-focused.

If I let my serenity be dependent on other's understanding and acceptance of me, then my experience has been that I am in for a rough time of it. That is why forums like this one are such a blessing: I can chat with those most likely to understand and/or have similar learning experiences to share.

I am amazed how people are dismissive of ASDs. Perhaps if we showed them the dramatic pictures of brain scans, showing underactivit in key regions, it would give them a credible visual.

while my mom 'believes' my diagnosis, sometimes it's like she forgets. It'll be all "why can't you just be/act NORMAL?" and I'm like, "well, what IS normal?"

I also have a family member who doesn't so much not believe me - he doesn't believe that ASD and high-functioning autism are a thing. He thinks the symptoms are nothing but behavioural traits that are developed in early childhood due to unfavourable circumstances. This way of thinking is frustrating and disappointing not just because it is incorrect, but because it makes you "broken".

On the plus side, he doesn't expect change now, but only "because it's too late". In a "can't teach an old dog new tricks" kind of way.

When I jokingly call myself an alien he'll sort of get it. But mention a diagnosis and he battens down the hatches.

my mum's first response to my diagnosis of Asperger's was
Not in words... Great! Now you can know where the problem is and learn to be normal
in words ... it seems like since you had that diagnosis you've given up

yes - i was coming to terms with it and was playing on it a little

I now just accept that i will have more problems and actually do look a little weirder in interactions - simply because i have the acceptance that i will not ever be 'as good' as everyone else - it is less beating up myself of me but i really do still wonder shoudln't i be making more of an effort to be normal when actually i just found out i am not and confirmed that there is something other people 'get' that i don't

I really think my mum's response was very very NT

my mum's first response to my diagnosis of Asperger's was
Not in words... Great! Now you can know where the problem is and learn to be normal
in words ... it seems like since you had that diagnosis you've given up

yes - i was coming to terms with it and was playing on it a little

I now just accept that i will have more problems and actually do look a little weirder in interactions - simply because i have the acceptance that i will not ever be 'as good' as everyone else - it is less beating up myself of me but i really do still wonder shoudln't i be making more of an effort to be normal when actually i just found out i am not and confirmed that there is something other people 'get' that i don't

I really think my mum's response was very very NT

I am 29 and self-diagnosed myself about a year ago. I have attempted to find a psychologist to diagnose me, but, while she says that I most likely am an aspie, she says she won't give me a formal diagnosis because she says I "am high functioning and it's not really going to help" me since I am not going to apply for disability. Very frustrating...since as you all know, it would be a huge relief just to have a formal diagnosis.

I have told my mother, sister, and my best friends and a few aunts about me being an Aspie. My mother does not deny it, but she doesn't really feel comfortable about me discussing it. My sister flat out denies that it is a possibility and thinks I just want to be autistic. I have 2 cousins that are children that have been diagnosed as being aspie; I chose to tell the mother of one of them that I am close to and she told me that I can not possibly have aspergers because she is a teacher and has seen lots of kids with it and her own daughter as it and I make eye contact so I am fine. All of this was very painful and I feel maybe more alone than before I told anyone.

My husband believes me though and that is all that matters to me. I gave him a book by Rudy Simone to read and he was like, "This book is about YOU... It's creepy almost." I needed him to get it since he is now the person with me every day. The person who had left wondering what had went wrong when I had a meltdown... Now we are getting to the point where he knows to let me go find solitude when I'm melting down and to let it pass.

I am self diagnosed. found the diagnosis process to be oriented towards children. Also found the diagnosis process to be too neurotypical for me involving in depth interviews of family members and associates. Anyway you cut it. at the end of the day I have to be forced to be "normal" much more than my brain is willing in the face of everyday activities regardless of the diagnosis. I have tried to talk to family members and they are in total denial. My father knows he has Asperger but is not willing to talk about it or to expose his issue to anybody else in the family. Everyday is like a huge uphill battle. I wish there was Asperger camp somewhere but there isnt. I am very tired.

Most believe me and it tool time, but mum is now supportive.

I told my brother initially and later my brother. While my brother wholeheartedly agrees ("so that's what it's called! I work with Asperger guys all day long!") my mother was VERY hesitant and only recently has accepted that a)I have "mild" Aspergers and b)Dad "might" have autistic traits. She was very angry I sought a diagnosis and was relieved to hear that I decided it was a waste of money and further warned me that to tell ANYONE even my girlfriend.

It's like mom agrees I have all the major symptoms (lack of eye contact, obsessive interests, monologues, social awkwardness, sensory issues, bullied, later bloomer, overachiever, mislabelled as OCD and ADD) but can't accept she "failed" and has a "diseased" son. Even though I've told her I'm happy and don't want a "cure" just understanding in life she still refuses to talk about it. Even my GF accepts what I told her but I doubt she really understands what Aspergers is all about. I've told her a million times I CANNOT understand social or romantic cues unless they are explained to me but she still gets mad at me for something I have no control over.