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so normal people are allowed to bug other normal people when they have their earphones on? "oh just a quick question"

You can teach only them good manners, respect, kindness, hygiene... you know, the common matters to make a good personality.

You can't directly teach them how to do that, but instead you can help them to become the type of men who are desirable by a large portion of women - hence making their dating navigation easier and more effective (more choices = less desperate = higher probability of finding a good match = Power of choice).

Social confidence is attractive but it comes after successes and achievements, not the other way around, it's the product of success, good self-esteem, positive self-image and having relatively aceptable social skills.

Here are some things you can do:

- Height: Let's face it, many women love tall men in general (Ooops! a generalization, kill me members! kill me! duh) and most women love men to be taller than themselves so the more inches the more prospects , there are genetic limitations to height but you can help them with natural Growth hormone boosters, there are some types of foods that do that, seek them up on the internet and get what's available in your area, also there are other type of food that block growth hormone like processed sugar.

- Don't be a helicopter parent: Google how to not be one, that would allow them to grow better and more mature adults, it would allow them to take responsibility.

- Don't let them become limited to geeky activities: Girls usually don't like the typical geeks, even geek girls themselves (oops, another sweeping generalization! I am gonna die!). And geeks girls are so rare, in a local forum for geeks, the total number of females there are ...2.

Geeks are so portrayed negatively in the media (losers, virgins forever, ugly...etc), not attractive image per se.
If your boys have geeky interests and are geek in general, then don't let them to totally give up to just geeky activities like gaming and computers. Encourage them to have non-geek outdoor activities too, like sports, camping and music ,those would boost their social lives.

Now geek enthusiasts might tell you "if they are geek then let them be geek and pride!" - yea right, keep in mind that life is lived once and believe me, if you go to geek forums you'll find that a lot of them are depressed and not content with their lives, especially with their love lives.

If they have geeky tendency then don't let your boys to grow into typical geeks, instead support them to grow into individuals with geeky interests but not limited to them.

- At least one martial arts sport: It would boost their discipline and self-esteem and it would allow them to stand up against bullies at school, and no, you can't do anything about the bullying there, they are on their own there and they have to deal with it by themselves. Telling the principles won't do, you want to stop bullies from bullying them? Then let them get the skill and strength to punch the bully on the face and make him an example in front of others, that's the only way to stop the bullies, I bet that a bullying-victim isn't attractive and yes bullies (boys) tend to bully victims (boys) in front of girls for greater humiliation.

The younger to enroll in a martial art, the better. Their father should encourage them the most.

- Certain sport activities: Cycling, skating, bowling, horseriding ....those are typical "couple sports", encourage them to get involved in such sports. Aspies usually suck at ball/team sports like football, but there's no reason why they wouldn't learn well some of the solo sports I've mentioned.

- At least one floor dancing activity: It would at least teach them how to not move like monkeys on the dancing floor. Women love dancing and love men who dance well (OOPS I am not gonna survive this thread!***).

- At least one musical instrument: If they are passionate for a certain type of music then encourage them to learn how to play an instrument related to that type of music. ie. if they love heavy metal then encourage them to learn playing on electric guitar, not violin or piano...etc

- Grooming: Use your woman sense on this matter, if they are wearing something too off tell them girls won't like that. Follow up with the latest mainstream fashion and haircut trends.

- Encourage them to start dating at a young age: If they're 15-16 years old already and not dating yet then ask them why, experience is key even if they're gonna get screwed at first.

PS: If you are limited in budget then you can always find alternative solutions, like if you have a relative who dances well then he might help them at that, or if there some of those things you or your husband know to do then don't hesitate to teach them....

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 18 Apr 2013, 3:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

Case 1 - No, she knows I am not gay, since we talked what we are attracted to in the opposite sex more than once, and she often called the metrosexual guy as 'probably gay'.

Don't worry, Boo. I think your generalizations will be right more often than they would be wrong. I pretty much agree across the board... and I want to raise my sons to be more accepted by peers and women alike, and to be able to stand up to bullies if needed.

I don't want them to grow up like I did... often ostracized as a "big weirdo" and picked on often by men & women alike for being such a gentle "easy target/sucker".

Don't worry about the height though... I have short friends with no shortage of giggling airheads hanging off them at all times.
If you've got the "attitude", you don't need height. The average woman will likely take someone shorter but "toned" over tall and skinny/chubby. And "cool" over "dorky/wimpy".

As much as she'll deny it (to her last breath!) I'd wager the majority just can't help acting on instinct... charisma and a moderate musculature just seem to override any rational decision-making.

...then she wakes up the next morning to find he was a total jerk and she resents the guy (but possibly not the hot sexytime.)


... here's hoping we Aspies can find a non-typical person just for us, eh? *nudge*

^ Non-typical persons were the worst, it depends on what kind of non-typical.

I wish more parents got right most points The_Face_of_Boo made, especially this …

… and this:



The problem with the latter, though, is that

1) for many, sex has no place in their children’s lives before they’re fully independent economically and no longer live with their parents, and not necessarily for religious reasons, and

2) dating naturally leads to sex, so there’s no point in allowing it; besides, it’s a distraction from more important tasks.

There’s also the wonderful argument that, since experience is so important in dealing with the opposite sex, and you don’t have any, you’re not qualified to start doing it—which obviously is circular and bars you from gaining experience, but that doesn’t seem important.

I think this may be even harsher with daughters, because allowing them to be “defiled” would taint their father’s honor and status as an alpha male. At least, that’s how our primal instincts work; they can be mitigated by reason, but only if one actually thinks there’s a reason to do it.

It seems to me most people manage to have sex at a young age despite their parents’ opposition; only a few fail to do it. Seems like a good illustration on how important it is for normal people to break rules, and how failing to break them flags you as weak, on the way to being weeded out.

How is it not important? This is exactly why they should start dating young.

That was always my observation: All guys I know who successfully got partners start dating young -and there was a thread about number of partners it clearly shows that those who had several dates/partners/relationship through their lives started it young. While those who had 0-1s never dated as young.




My points apply to both gender, martial arts for girls would make them harder targets for harassment/rape, as for sex, both have the risk of pregnancy (as impregnation for boys), if they're gonna have sex they're gonna do it behind my back anyway, so I prefer to let them know how to do it right at least and for the right reasons. I would be even harsher on boys on that matter because they naturally tend to be less caring about the pregnancy risk, thinking that they can get away of it if it happens, but instead I would make it clear for them that if they ever impregnate then they can't get away of it, I would be the first to make them deal with the mess as much as their partners and along with them.



Exactly, so it's futile to be harsh on that matter (as attempting to forbid it).

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 18 Apr 2013, 6:28 am, edited 5 times in total.

Most parents think that parenting is all about providing education, healthcare, toys and food.

...
.....
WRONG!

This is only 20% of parenting in my opinion, the rest is development process in all aspects: socialization, independence, how to choose the right major/profession, and yes even romance. All those aspects are keystones for adulthood.

if I had a boy and developed to an inadequate adult who's totally uninteresting, boring, weak and incapable to socialize, can't take responsibility and totally clueless how to court ladies (unless he's asexual and not interested) then I would be completely have failed my mission as a parent.

But most parents are simply clueless or just lazy to do so.

tehe...but of course

Seriously though when I said weird, I meant weird because they were approaching strangers at bus stops for conversation.

ok guess not then. maybe just a flirt. possibly trying to make her fiance jealous using you...

Funny how these people you're talking about always turn out to be female, slightly tempered and never below a certain age in my case.

I’m not defending the arguments I listed against dating. I’m just used to hearing them, and parents who think like that may be impossible to convince to do otherwise. What I meant is that lack of experience dealing with the opposite sex is sometimes used as an excuse not to let you do it, disregarding the fact that this creates a vicious circle.



I agree. Women should be free human beings in control of their own lives, the same way men are—or should be.

However, these ideas only started to catch on quite recently compared to the vast history of our species, when technology enabled major changes in society, and only reason can make them work. Our reptilian brain is still hardwired the other way and people fall back quite easily to the old system, in which a woman is basically a man’s property: first her father’s, then her husband’s. For most of history, rape was condemned only as an affront against the man who owned the woman, not out of any concern for her rights. In fact, we know there are still cultures in which a raped woman is considered “dirty” herself and killed to preserve the honor of the family. Within this view, sex before marriage isn’t any more legitimate just because the woman wants it; rather, she is punished, too, for her desire, as so many colorful epithets against lustful women attest in every language.

That’s why, in the context of parents who don’t encourage (or even allow) their sons to date, daughters might have an even harsher prospect.

Children don't pop out as formless clay ready to be molded into the proper shape. Parenting does have a lot of influence on a child's development, but no matter how hard you badger your kid into being the popular football star or whatever it's not going to happen if the natural inclination isn't there. You just end up with a resentful kid.
With all this parenting advice being tossed around, I would guess the most zealous advice would be from people with no children.

Spiderpig: Evolution is a beautiful thing. Next you'll be pushing the Paleo diet to satisfy our caveman needs.

Sorry, but I think you misread both of us.

Regarding my posts, just because I express a concern doesn’t mean I’m pushing anything to reinforce its cause—quite the opposite. I’m often misunderstood in a similar way, though. Might be an aspie thing I haven’t learned to correct

And how do you get that and where in my listing imply enforcing modeling and shaping???!

Read:
















And there's nothing in my post saying about turning them into popular or football stars.




Discrediting and belittling my advice simply because I am not parent yet, how typical.

and how lowly of you.

I think maybe it was implied in this statement:


I think it is a parent's responsibility to try to teach those things. However, you can bring the horse to water but you can't make it drink. You can try many different tactics but there is never a guarantee that it will work. You can try 24/7 for years, and still not get the result you hope for. For example, you can't take a child who has Kanner's Autism and expect the result you describe--and you would not have failed as a parent because it would be unreasonable to expect the son with that condition to achieve those goals. Many parents with children who have ASDs are not Early Childhood Development specialists nor do they have PhDs in the Cognitive Sciences. They often struggle and are stressed out because the typical methods of discipline/childrearing DO NOT work on many kids on the spectrum. So, we listen to the professionals, but if we also have our own impediments we aren't always able to implement their instructions exactly as they instruct. Does it mean we fail as parents? No. We do the best we can. We aim high but don't turn ourselves into basket cases because we make mistakes. And we learn to love ourselves and accept that we are human and can be successful in our mission as parents regardless of what other people think. Because only we know the struggles of our day to day lives, and barring any outright abuse or major dysfunction, there is nobody out there who I deem perfect enough to have the authority to judge me, regardless of what they think of themselves.