Compliments

Post Reply New Topic

I've never really understood compliments, like telling someone that they're sweet, or how someone is "too kind." I can't seem to take compliments either, I'm just too... realistic? And straight to the point/honest? If I really think something is great or fantastic, I'll definitely tell someone that I really enjoyed it, but some people seem to go overboard with it and not very truthful... I can't take someone complimenting me either. A simple thank you is fine for me, or telling me if they liked something, but when they tell me that I'm "so talented" or even something like "beautiful" I hate it. It feels untrue. After all, it's mostly just in the eye of the beholder and people seem to like telling others what they think they want to hear.
How do you take or give compliments? Do you at all?

Give: Very rarely.
Take: It doesn't happen that often, but when it does, I have absolutely no idea what to say.

I usually try not to say things that could imply judgement, unless I really mean it. I still want to say exactly what I think rather than exaggerating. I avoid making comments on people's physical appearance whether positive or negative because it's unnecessary.

I feel embarrassed when someone compliments me on something. I also don't trust some compliments because I know many people often don't really mean what they say. If it's obviously false, then I find it rather unpleasant.

Actually, I do give a lot of compliments to people who I think deserve them. When I think someone is a really nice or good person I tell them so. If they deny it then I explain why I think so. I don't give fake compliments though. Still, I don;t believe people who compliment me unless they tell me something I know is true. I know that a lot of people give fake compliments just to be nice or to counteract something bad I say about myself so I never trust them and don't really know how to respond. I usually explain why what they said isn't true.

I don't really try to search for compliments, but if I do find something impressive I tend to express that it is automatically, even if it's just going 'Oooh!' I have a really hard time giving a false compliment, or saying false things in general.

When it comes to receiving complements (or gifts, or favors...), I've been told that 'thank you' is generally the most polite, and thus I've started saying 'thank you' as my default (as long as I recognize something as a compliment, anyway). Turning something down can be seen as unappreciative, and similarly, I'd think saying someone is 'too kind' or otherwise attempting to be 'modest' can be seen as unappreciative as well. (Unless you happen to be in someplace like Japan, where it's customary to deny being good at something, or generally being deserving of praise/gifts.) Agreeing with someone can be seen as pompous and egotistical.

When I receive a compliment I try my best to remember to just say "Thank You" and then shut up. Where I come from it is customary to reply with something that suggests modesty. I have found this does not play well outside my home environment.

I do give compliments, mainly because my "One Minute Manager" training taught me it is important to do so. I have to remember though that in my workplace it is clearly made known that any remarks upon another person's dress or physical appearance is not appropriate.

On giving: I try to avoid giving compliments (or making comments in general) when I feel compelled to because it tends to end badly. I try to think about it first and approach it later or just not say anything (sometimes this doesn't work to my advantage either though).

On taking: I'm not really sure how to reply to them other than "Thanks". When someone says "I'm proud of you" I'm not really sure what to say period, I don't think that "Thanks" really applies to things like that.

I have learned to be more complimentary as I have gotten older. It eases the flow of things. I still find it difficult to accept compliments because I am largely indifferent to praise or criticism.

I'm okay at giving compliments.

I'm better at taking them, depending on what the compliments are about.

I have a really hard time giving compliments. Most of the time I don't think of them. When I do notice something about a person to compliment, I struggle with where to interject it into the conversation so that it seems natural and not forced.

Accepting compliments isn't as big of a problem.

I just blurt it out and let the other person deal with it.

I had a lot of trouble with them when I was younger, but have gotten much better at giving and receiving complements. One of the things I've learned from this forum is that a lot of the things people take for granted aren't so easy for others...

I get sick of constantly being told how talented, intelligent and good looking I am. My usual response is, "well, duh".

Actually, I was bad at taking complements. I'd usually just nod or say "yep" or "uh huh". I finally clued in on that being an inappropriate response, so I finally conditioned myself to respond with "thank you very much", without trying to sound like Elvis. And I try to remember to give complements as well. I like to think of it as offering encouragement instead of just making a token gesture.

Give: rarely.

Take: I don't like them, and with the exception of my grandparents, people usually figure that out pretty quickly. I'll say thank-you and then change the subject to something more interesting, like the weather.

I don't give many compliments, because I don't feel the need.
I usually give compliments when I like something very much.

I don't care about receiving compliments.
I don't like them particularly, but I neither dislike them.
When I receive compliments, I usually think "yes, I alredy knew I was good at it".

I am not sure what to say and I don't even know if they are just being nice or they really mean it. I can't pickup on those cues, I know NT people say nice things to be nice and don't really mean it but what the hell is the point of saying it if you don't mean it.