Things that every parent with an aspie child must know

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1.Never force your child to act like `other people`.
2.Never talk angry and hateful about your child`s special interest.
3.Be always understanding and kind.
4.Don`t treat your child like he/she doesn`t know anything.
5,Always remmember your child that,no matter what happened,he/she will have your love.
6.Never use name-calling.
7.Talk with your child about everything.
8.Never try to change your child.
9.Never yell and behave aggressive.
10.Ask your child if he/she needs help.If they say no,let them to do on their own.

My mom has yet to master 1 and 4. Sometimes, even 8.

1.Never force your child to act like `other people`. They tried to force me to be like my brothers. Didn't happen.
2.Never talk angry and hateful about your child`s special interest. They could care less about my special interests.
3.Be always understanding and kind. They were actually mean and spiteful.
4.Don`t treat your child like he/she doesn`t know anything. They said I needed to open up my mind to religion.
5,Always remmember your child that,no matter what happened,he/she will have your love. I was forgotten at times, not always by them, though.
6.Never use name-calling. Well, they never insulted me that way. They did use nicknames, though.
7.Talk with your child about everything. Right. They were so secretive they may as well had been government agents.
8.Never try to change your child. This is like step No. 1.
9.Never yell and behave aggressive. They yelled at me, cursed me, put me down, beat me. My stepfather held a gun out to me once.
10.Ask your child if he/she needs help.If they say no,let them to do on their own. They never offered to help. I was pretty much left to my own devices.
11. Ask your child if they're okay and are being bullied. Yeah. They could care less.
12. Never tell your child, on Christmas Day, that if you found it they were gay you'd cut their throat from ear to ear. (I remember that like it was yesterday).
13. Don't put Tiger Balm on your children's eyelids to force them to go to sleep. (Yeah. I remember this like it was yesterday, too).
14. Don't leave bottles of gin open and lying around for the kids to touch. (Too late. I was 7 or 8 when I first got drunk).
15. Don't beat your child with a stick from a tree because they don't want to put the cold water from the concrete tub on their backs during an outdoor bath.
16. Don't beat your kids so bad that they go to school bleeding from their face, and when the other students see it they mock them, and the beaten kid ends up crying again.

OP: I'm not sure of the purpose of this thread.

Any normal, decent parent already knows all this and much more.

Any thoughtless, ignorant or abusive parent that you and other posters are aiming these comments at, it would likely they may not even be caring enough to belong to WP to seek support or help for their child in the first place, and most certainly wouldn't be the type of person that would be receptive to being told what to do with their child or how wrong/neglectful/selfish or abusive the things they were doing were. Just by doing those things in the first place likely means they don't care.

Any parent who is suffering stress and lacking support might do things like sometimes shout at their child, however there are times when for any parent the only way to get through to some autistic children is to raise your voice, and that could include if they were putting themselves in danger. Also, each parent knows their own child and all autistics and Aspies are different. Sometimes for instance, you might offer your child help, they might be in a temper because of their frustration at being unable to do the task in hand so they refuse help. But you know from your experience of that child that they will have a full meltdown and end up very distressed and that they definitely can't do the task. So you might take over to help your child and resolve the situation, leaving your child happy. It's "horses for courses" as they say.

Perhaps you are just venting things you have been though for some catharsis.

Things I strive to ensure my non-typically wired children know:

1. Sometimes there are consequences to not being like everyone else. While there may be aspects of your being that you cannot alter and no one should expect you to, there are also times when you can learn the socially expected behavior, and in doing so, save yourself unnecessary pain or aggravation. You can choose not exercise the socially expected behavior if you want to, but you have to do so while accepting the consequences of this decision. Even typical people sometimes have to do something they don't want to because it is the socially expected thing and there will be consequences if they don't. That is part of the human condition.

2. Not everyone is as interested in your special interests as you are. There is nothing wrong with having special interests. But you do have to realize that not everyone else is going to want to talk about them all of the time. And to only talk about your special interests and to ignore the interests of others is not OK if you expect to have a relationship with that person. Just like sometimes they need to listen to you talk about your special interest when maybe they'd really rather not, sometimes you will have to listen to them talk about something that they are interested in when you would rather not.

3. Be always understanding and kind. You cannot expect this of others if you do not give it to them.

4. Sometimes I will know more than you, but that is not because you are stupid or because I am smarter than you. It is because I have lived a lot longer than you have and I have learned a lot through my experiences. I want to help you because I love you, and sometimes that might mean that I will need to tell you that you are wrong. Instead of getting angry, I'd like you to consider that perhaps you are, and there is something you can learn from me.

5. I will always love you, no matter what. I hope you will always love me, no matter what.

6. Never use name-calling. It is disrespectful and hurtful. Just as I can hurt you with my words, so can you hurt me.

7. Please tell me what is going on with you. Sometimes I can tell you are upset, but I don't know why, and I don't know if it is something that I have done. If you don't know how to tell me, tell me there is something wrong and you don't know how to tell me. Especially if something bad happened at school. You need to tell me, because if you don't, I can't help you.

8. Everything changes. Everyone changes. Sometimes I must change a little for you and sometimes you must change a little for me. Compromising does not mean "giving in" to someone else or losing yourself. Compromising means finding a way to meet both people's needs and wishes when they do not share the same needs and wishes as you. I would never expect you to change who you are at the core, but you should also not expect that of anyone else. And for as much as you wish others to honor your needs, feelings, and thoughts, you must also consider theirs when they are not shared between the two of you. Sometimes you will have to disregard your own needs or feelings to support the needs and feelings of others. You will have to learn to use a kind heart and discretion to figure out when this must be done. But there will be times when the needs of others outweigh your own, just as there will be times when your needs outweigh the needs of others. There must be balance.

9. Aggression and yelling does not solve problems. However, we are both human and sometimes both of us might be pushed to doing and saying things we shouldn't. It isn't right for either of us to do that, and we both must accept responsibility for our own actions and apologize and make amends when we yell, scream, shout, throw things, slam doors, etc.

10. If you are trying to do something and I keep trying to help you when you don't need it or want it, try to understand. Sometimes parents have irrational fears or concerns and it causes us to do crazy things. When you were little, there were a lot of things that other kids your age could do that you couldn't. A lot of people didn't understand this and tried to push you to do things you simply were not yet able to do. It caused me to be very sensitive and protective of you. You see, I don't want your self-esteem damaged by failing at things you have no way of succeeding at, simply because you are not neurologically, developmentally, or physically ready yet. I want to wait until you are developmentally ready so you can achieve success. The problem is that sometimes my own inner "stuff" gets in the way of me seeing when you are ready. It might help me if you say "It's OK mom, I realize maybe I won't be able to do it and I'm OK with that. But I would like to try. By myself. If it doesn't work, then I'd like you to help me. Can we agree to that?"

As whirlingmind already pointed out, most parents who take the time to regularly post here are not the ones who need the message that appears to be being attempted here. There have been times that I have looked down on my sleeping children and wept tears of grief over the kids out there who are just like them and probably being abused because of the way they are. So for those readers who have been abused, I don't mean to belittle your experience. It breaks my heart.

But from personal experience, it wasn't until I became a parent that I understood the wisdom of some of my parent's actions, including the ones I despised as a kid. And it wasn't until I was a parent that I understood how badly I must have hurt my parents during my youth through my own behaviors.

I really do try to teach my children the above, by the way. So it wasn't just a point, counterpoint kind of thing. But often times, there are multiple perspectives to any given situation and when you look at things through the lens of one perspective only, you miss out on the fact that there is additional relevant perspectives out there.

These well-meant suggestions have triggered such deep emotions. Redrobin62 - it is painful to think of your experiences in your childhood with the mindset of people who would treat you like that.