Sex - Moving too Fast because you think it's normal?

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Sweetleaf
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13 Nov 2015, 1:39 pm

dobyfm wrote:
CaroleTucson wrote:
This is a great thread. I'd bet that most women, Aspie or not, have had the experience of giving in to sex at some time in their life when they really didn't want it. Or what can also happen is you take that desire to please to a grotesque extreme and you become a ... sorry ... "slut", and for the same reasons. This is what I did after my divorce, and it took a couple of years to get myself back to normal.

Now, six years later, I have a huge desire for sex again, but I don't do anything with anybody I don't feel comfortable with. I think it's all about understanding yourself, and believing that it's ok to want sex or not want it, as your feelings dictate. Giving in because it's expected of you is no different from doing anything else simply to curry favor with someone.

I think it's important to meet men on equal footing, and make it clear that if we have sex with them, it's because we want to. It's because we want to share physical intimacy with them, and not because we feel like we have to give in, in order to "keep" them.


This is completely true!

Although I am still a virgin, I am guilty of thinking to myself, "Maybe if I have sex with this guy he will commit to me?" Sadly, it does not work that way. I feared losing the guy too much. Now that I have learned more about life, I try not to think that way and realize that when i find the right guy there will be no pressure.



You're right it doesn't work that way....if you have that feeling initially, at least in my experience it almost guarantees failure.


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dobyfm
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15 Nov 2015, 6:23 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Yeah that does make sense, I mean its not a good feeling when you force yourself to engage in intimate activity out of fear of 'losing' them if you were to disappoint. Especially when it doesn't work out anyways and then you feel used and like you put a lot of pressure and stress on yourself for nothing.

Luckily my current relationship is nothing like that...I cannot say the same for most my past attempts though.


Good thing you are now in a relationship though. I wish you the best!

We all have made mistakes. I know I have my cringe worthy past mistakes.



esoterica181
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16 Nov 2015, 1:06 am

"We all have made mistakes. I know I have my cringe worthy past mistakes."

My mistake goes something like, I've been dating him for 1-3 months when he tells me he sees himself with me for the long haul or marrying me. I love a happy ending and go along with it. Then 6 months and a year passes and nothing further on this topic is discussed. For me, the relationship is satisfying only far off into the future, and I'm in the relationship as if it's a limited return long-term investment. For the guy, he gets sex with no money down.
It makes me want to abstain from having sex with a guy too soon but at the same time, I don't feel like I should deprive myself if I really like the guy. I'm just more cautious about talk of commitment.



dobyfm
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20 Nov 2015, 7:19 am

esoterica181 wrote:
"We all have made mistakes. I know I have my cringe worthy past mistakes."

My mistake goes something like, I've been dating him for 1-3 months when he tells me he sees himself with me for the long haul or marrying me. I love a happy ending and go along with it. Then 6 months and a year passes and nothing further on this topic is discussed. For me, the relationship is satisfying only far off into the future, and I'm in the relationship as if it's a limited return long-term investment. For the guy, he gets sex with no money down.
It makes me want to abstain from having sex with a guy too soon but at the same time, I don't feel like I should deprive myself if I really like the guy. I'm just more cautious about talk of commitment.


A lot of people will say, "If a guy likes you he will make it known", but honestly it takes two people to make a relationship happen.

You enjoy sex and there is nothing wrong with that. But if you feel that way about sex (as though it is something you have to give) then try discussing the issue with the guy. That will give you a good idea how he feels.