Rejections

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Hi
It is a bit embarrassing to ask this question.
I just figured out by thinking about my husband and I
And our differences in a social sense
My husband is autistic 1 and has really done well in stable full time work Although he has problems is socially adept now really
I am also autistic 1 And at the age where early intervention would have helped me to be able to have conversations more easily In general I became psychotic and was abused
So, I did not develop quite normally
I was repeatedly rejected in school like being late last four sports and not being invited to the birthday party Of my so called best friend
I have been rejected by entire communities and places, Socially
By groups And even on their psychiatric ward at all times I am the outsider And repeatedly bullied in psychiatric wards

So, what is everyone rejecting and why hasn't my husband all my family rejected me as well?

Also have you been rejected yourself? Why do you think that is and why do so many get taken care of then by the social services? And family members
How do the family members feel about all this?
Do you think it's because of autism 1 more or schizophrenia?

hiya greentigress
you brought up lots of tough questions. I myself am both schizotypal as well as AS. in my school years I was always rejected for participation in PE sports [nobody wanted me on their side] because I was so clumsy and slow, so I was usually sent to the office to do paperwork for the PE teacher. just as well, as I HATED sports I was not invited too many places. my local community does not care for my presence, I live among backwoods yahoos out in the sticks. I am the outlier. I've been rejected all my life, until I met my Olympia square pegs aspie meetup pals 2 years back. they are my best friends forever to answer your question about "what is everybody rejecting?" - i'd guess it was the old "uncanny valley" phenomena of NT people not knowing how to relate to somebody [people on the spectrum] dissimilar to themselves. far too many people "fear the other," fear who is different from themselves. such fears have deep Darwinian roots, atavistic fears dating from early mankind and basic survival against the elements in an environment of scarcity, these fears have mostly outlived their usefulness, today.

you ask about how family members treat us aspies, and all I can say is that everybody in my family is on the spectrum, whether they knew it [most are long gone] or not. my parents carried me for many years, it was a trade of services in that I took care of them in their old age while they gave me shelter and food and company. I didn't become independent until I was almost into my 5th decade of living. I can only guess the social services take care of many aspies because of the humanitarian aspect of having many vulnerable people otherwise left to the elements. as for your question about whether it is more AS or schizophrenia/schizotypal concerns which make me [and at least a few others on the spectrum] the way we are [rejected], i'd say it is both. it takes the exceptional NT to be able to break bread with people like us, and not just be minimally civil. that is just my opinion, for better or worse.

Thanks so much - very considered thoughtful answer

I think the Darwinian aspect was something i didn't consider all that much or at least not in those terms - so it does make sense
myself i have rejected others over time such as two different people both with Aquired Brain Injuries and basically i found that there was too much bad thinking about them going on on my part that i couldn't relate to them enough.

I have some massive problems getting on with anyone who i am thinking badly about - even boyfriends that i loved - ending loving relationships for no reason other than my head being off - but rejects rejecting each other i'm sure that is as common as anything else - making us all true loners

I really dread TD and other things like that as well because i can see myself alone and suicidal with this one late in my life
The square pegs thing I can really appreciate and would like to find something like that
I don't know if i managed to not mention in my post my Aspie husband
We met on a normal dating site before knowing ourselves that we were Aspie
I think this is the luckiest i have ever been - and i've had a lot of good luck
I was in a more negative frame of mind yesterday - i'm feeling a bit better

The exeptional NT thing breaking bread with us?
yes that is also a great way to look at it and is actually positive thinking as well

I found your post very positive and i think people who have been rejected a lot are resilient

I am myself attempting to break into a social network of NT's involved with Triathlons

I will make it clear to myself that i am independant and vulnerable but strong and a nice person - maybe that i can take or leave social contact a lot of the time but friendly

I think that is the kind of thinking i need for making contact with an entirely new group, where i am identifying myself as an Athlete
in the past i have done this kind of intensive sports solo and with the help of my mum
I am very aware that i need to tread carefully and not make too many childish mistakes with going oh i'm schizophrenic and i have all these problems
I don't know how to answer the thing about what i do for a living though

Any suggestions? i'm on disability

Do i just go and be honest about it from the word go?

Very confusing

i could just say i'm looking for work

prego


it takes a special person [more gifted than I] to be able to break bread with folks such as those unfortunates with brain injuries [especially those with emotional regulation issues or speech impediments that tax my ability to comprehend their speech] who can be very demanding. I wish I were better at relating to them.


"rejects rejecting each other" - that is SO SAD I have long been drawn to society's rejects, I always have found common cause with them. I belong with them. I can't really reject anybody too well, I have trouble sleeping at night if I let myself flake out on people.


can you tell me what is "TD"? can you tell me how is it that you can see yourself alone [your hubby not being in the picture?] and suicidal? the square pegs meetup I found when I went onto meetup.com and searched for Olympia WA aspie meetups.

you were very fortunate. I didn't get to meet anybody until my 5th decade of living. 5 decades in the wilderness, as it were.

that is good luck, indeed.

the NTs might feel about the aspie the way you indicated earlier how you felt about the brain-damaged folks?


thank you, I really had not much choice in the matter of being resilient, IOW my parents depended on me being there to take care of them in their old age. so I could not flake out on them.


I [nicely] envy you your athletic ability, I've long been physically inept [clumsy/ungraceful/lumpy/not sleek etc] and when I was forced to run [in the army several decades back] I was most ungainly and slow. i'm 6'3' with long legs that always seemed to tangle under me. I can't count the number of times I fell on my face or my butt.


clever one you are you could indeed just say you are looking for work or you could say you were self-employed, both could be true or at least "truthy." don't admit to anybody other than BFFs [Best Friends Forever] anything about your "back pages" or your schizoid tendencies/AS. as Benjamin Franklin [or mark twain?] so poetically put it, "keep silent and as a fool be thought, rather than open one's mouth and remove all doubt."

it's not really athletic ability - i've only been ok with stuff which is a lone thing - i hate to actually compete (except i loved organised races lately as an adult where i didn't mind so much coming last) - at school i was the worst at everything - nothing has really changed but i have changed my attitude and now i hope to get faster with practice

It's not really athletic ability just a total love of it and willingness to be rubbish at it

TD is Tardive Dyskinesia
a fairly common long term side effect of being on anti psychotic drugs
it usually happens after a very long time of using the drugs but can happen at any time even a few weeks
It is a movement disorder that is usually permanant when it starts
mouth moving tongue sticking out eyeballs rolling tongue rolling fingers and legs moving oddly grunting
i don't know - if you want to you tube it there are some clips
very disfiguring and not the only movement related disorder of antipsychotics, there is also Tardive Dystonia where for example your jaw would lock and stay stuck, drinking through a straw while in agony and being a social reject is probably the most obvious thing associated with it

you have what used to be called "true grit" to be able to run/bike/swim all those miles at whatever speed. not even when I was in the army was I ever that fit.

wow that IS a bit scary. I read that the atypical antipsychotics have markedly less tendency to cause TD, as well as a new one called clorazil. can you have a good sit down with your pdoc and ask about these things?