How can you get a girlfriend if you have aspergers syndrome?

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ImmenseLoad
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31 May 2013, 11:34 pm

I see some people on this forum who are aspies saying they have a wife or a girlfriend but what I want to ask is how? Are those men's wives/girlfriends the bottom of the barrel so to speak? I just don't see any normal woman being attracted to a person with aspergers unless he has model good looks or has money like bill gates.

I just don't see any decent looking woman being interested in me due to me not having anything in common with anybody else and due to my dysfunctions in emotional expression in speach and body language.



Last edited by ImmenseLoad on 31 May 2013, 11:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

YoshiPikachu
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31 May 2013, 11:40 pm

Why not? I have a boyfriend and I have autism. My boyfriend has Aspergers though.


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Stargazer43
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31 May 2013, 11:41 pm

Step 0: Work on self-improvement. Try to find your passions in life, exercise to stay in good physical shape, all that good stuff.

Step 1: Learn how to ask women out. Unfortunately I can't add much advice here other than online dating, since I'm still learning myself :P



GregCav
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01 Jun 2013, 2:28 am

I went to social workers to learn how to better myself. And read every book I could get my hands on about relationhips. It works as far as attracting the opposite sex. I have no problems there. It's when it start getting intimate and I just don't act NT in the required caring way, that things go down hill quickly. I'm still working on that part.



cakey
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01 Jun 2013, 2:45 am

I met my BF and what caught my interest in himw as his kindness and properness. He did make himself noticable though with his extreme opinions, which is what made me look his way in the first place.


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PresidentPorpoise
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01 Jun 2013, 3:35 am

What do you mean when you say "bottom of the barrel"? Do you mean in terms of the spouse/significant other's looks, or in terms of the type of person they are? You seem to assume that an attractive-or-"decent looking" person can't be compatible with an aspie, or that someone who doesn't meet your some vague standards for conventional attractiveness must be "the bottom of the barrel", someone that an aspie must "settle" for, regardless of his/her character/common interests shared with said aspie. Which seems like a kinda misguided way of looking at things.

I'm sure you have some interests in common with people. Are you the guy who said in another post that you were a truck driver working in a company with a bunch of people much older than you? That doesn't seem like a good place to meet people (especially, I would imagine, women) who have interests in common with yours. I would suggest trying to build up a social circle of people who have interests in common with you, and maybe you'll meet a girl who's interested in you. And if you find a girlfriend, you'll have some more friends, or you'll have at least tried.

Anyway, based off of your post, I don't think you're looking at this in a manner conducive toward you being likely to find a girlfriend. Hope it all works out for you though, so good luck!



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01 Jun 2013, 3:36 am

ImmenseLoad wrote:
I see some people on this forum who are aspies saying they have a wife or a girlfriend but what I want to ask is how? Are those men's wives/girlfriends the bottom of the barrel so to speak? I just don't see any normal woman being attracted to a person with aspergers unless he has model good looks or has money like bill gates.

I just don't see any decent looking woman being interested in me due to me not having anything in common with anybody else and due to my dysfunctions in emotional expression in speach and body language.



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DialAForAwesome
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01 Jun 2013, 5:45 am

Part of it is luck, part of it is looks, and part of it is money (IF somehow the aspie got a good job). Nothing more.


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ImmenseLoad
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01 Jun 2013, 9:35 am

cakey wrote:
I met my BF and what caught my interest in himw as his kindness and properness. He did make himself noticable though with his extreme opinions, which is what made me look his way in the first place.


I have no idea what your BF's personality is like but how do you stand his "uniqueness" that comes with aspergers? Isn't he socially awkward to some degree? Isn't socializing hard for him in any way?

Basically what I'm saying is wouldn't an average woman be almost ashamed of having a relationship with a person with aspergers since normal people lives are dominated by social activities and those who don't socialize are ostracized as loners or freaks?



mrwhite23
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01 Jun 2013, 10:03 am

i do not know how to get a girlfriend or wife either but if anyone does know i would like to know



billiscool
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01 Jun 2013, 1:05 pm

luck, my ex girlfriend asked me out, and she did have autism.
and some aspie men do very well with the ladies, they are studs.



appletheclown
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02 Jun 2013, 3:21 pm

GregCav wrote:
It's when it start getting intimate and I just don't act NT in the required caring way, that things go down hill quickly.

I don't have a problem being caring when intimate, it is just the starting the whole thing with a girl near me that is the problem.


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02 Jun 2013, 6:57 pm

Dating is overrated.


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cakey
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02 Jun 2013, 7:10 pm

ImmenseLoad wrote:
cakey wrote:
I met my BF and what caught my interest in himw as his kindness and properness. He did make himself noticable though with his extreme opinions, which is what made me look his way in the first place.


I have no idea what your BF's personality is like but how do you stand his "uniqueness" that comes with aspergers? Isn't he socially awkward to some degree? Isn't socializing hard for him in any way?

Basically what I'm saying is wouldn't an average woman be almost ashamed of having a relationship with a person with aspergers since normal people lives are dominated by social activities and those who don't socialize are ostracized as loners or freaks?

Hi I think his "uniqueness" is very cute and cool since I know no one else who acts that way. I also find his honesty great and I don't have trouble with lies like I did with NT guys before him. His personality is much extroverted and he does socialize, but ends up saying the wrong things at times. Yes, some women might be too "embarrassed", but I think those women are cowardly to dump someone because the people around find it strange. BTW, in the relationship, I am the "loner" and am introverted. People find my introversion strange so I guess I understand the misunderstandings.


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Sheerboredom
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05 Jun 2013, 4:01 pm

It's really not that difficult:
1. Find a girl.
2. Introduce yourself
3. Be a cool cat.
4. (Optional) Find a common interest
5. Ask her out.
If you get rejected well repeat until you get a girlfriend. It is not an overnight process though.


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