Annoying things people do to you because you have aspergers.

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UDG
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19 Nov 2013, 6:12 am

Soccer22 wrote:
People that aren't my family members don't believe that I have aspergers, so they don't treat me any different than their other NT friends. And because they think of me as a NT, they get mad at me when I don't want to get together all the time or don't want to talk everyday. That really bothers me.


I wish my friends wanted to get together with me all the time and talk to me everyday. I think I'm likely not the only one here who would prefer that situation to their own. People rarely ask me to get together with them, and I usually have to initiate conversations. Others wanting hang out with me or talk to me might momentarily confuse me sometimes because it is unexpected, but it does suggest that the person values my friendship; which is harder to tell if I initiate the conversation. Being lonely is not fun.



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19 Nov 2013, 7:07 am

Codyrules37 wrote:
If you are nice and friendly to other people, they are more likely to look past your flaws.


Not true, some people treat you worse the more friendly you are towards them, because all they respect is social power.



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19 Nov 2013, 8:05 am

qawer wrote:
Codyrules37 wrote:
If you are nice and friendly to other people, they are more likely to look past your flaws.


Not true, some people treat you worse the more friendly you are towards them, because all they respect is social power.


There's a balance between being seen as friendly, or needy.



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19 Nov 2013, 2:53 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
qawer wrote:
Codyrules37 wrote:
If you are nice and friendly to other people, they are more likely to look past your flaws.


Not true, some people treat you worse the more friendly you are towards them, because all they respect is social power.


There's a balance between being seen as friendly, or needy.


In my experience, qawer's quote holds true, regardless of the difference between being needy and friendly. People seem to only respond with any real attention when we show them that we won't take their sh*t. Any other instance and they dismiss us out of hand as being "smaller" somehow. My brother's the same exact way, he puts himself on such a high pedestal because he thinks he's better than everyone else, the only way to get anything through to his nonexistent brain is to stand up to him and give him a reality check. People like him p**s me off, you can't tell them anything, they don't listen to anyone, they don't respect anyone, they have issues with authority, and they think they're the biggest thing around and can take anyone down.


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19 Nov 2013, 3:48 pm

It annoys me when people generalize the condition. Particularly when it's assumed all cases of Autism are severe and nonverbal, or when it's assumed we're comic-book geniuses. I also greatly dislike misconceptions about the causes and prognosis of Autism Spectrum Disorders. This includes the belief that vaccines cause Autism, that Autism is a condition that only effects children, and that any of those scam therapies will cure or alleviate us of the symptoms of Autism. I believe that not only do these mistruths affect us as Autistics, but the health and education of society as a whole.

On a personal level: I hate it when people are less willing to trust me, take what I say into account or give me a fair opportunity at something because of AS. I also loathe my syndrome being call ASSpergers syndrome or being called an ASSpie. The name is already bad enough for those that are afflicted with a condition which can make communication difficult.



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20 Nov 2013, 12:14 am

My dad always stated the obvious to me presuming that I was the family Re Re before I started living on my own. My mum would always shut me up whenever I'd mention a special interest when my dad was in the other room before I started living on my own. I was sick and tired of being treated as the weakest link in my family, so I finally stopped worrying and obsessing about money and I moved into my apartment 7 years ago this month. I never knew that my father cared for me because he always treated me like an idiot. If only I didn't soil myself that one time at the age of four when my dad got furious with me afterwards. He would have seen me as an intelligent and capable person with a brain, instead of the weakest link of the family.


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20 Nov 2013, 2:34 am

Oh yes , I can relate to this , in School when people ask me a question , I tell them the answer which I know is correct , yet they ask someone else aswell because they think I'm wrong , I don't like it.

What's the point of asking someone a question when you're just going to presume there wrong anyway.



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20 Nov 2013, 4:30 pm

Fisplen wrote:
Oh yes , I can relate to this , in School when people ask me a question , I tell them the answer which I know is correct , yet they ask someone else aswell because they think I'm wrong , I don't like it.

What's the point of asking someone a question when you're just going to presume there wrong anyway.


Exactly. In my case, people assume I don't know anything, so I'm often ridiculed, and when I state things I know to be fact, people don't believe me. In fact, people generally ignore what I say. My family has always been bad about this, they always assume that i'm lying about stuff and because of that, my siblings have always gotten away with stuff while I have to deal with the consequences of their actions, between how people perceive me, not having transportation (I can't drive), and me being threatened and pushed around, especially after defending myself, I don't know what's worse. And then they wonder why I seclude myself *shakes head*.


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20 Nov 2013, 7:21 pm

BuyerBeware wrote:
My BFF is cool as anything when she sober, but when she gets drunk she uses it to humiliate me.


She's not your friend. Anyone who humiliates you, drunk or not, is an abuser. End the relationship and as a parting gift, urge her to get help with the drinking and the abusing of people who care(d) about her.

BuyerBeware wrote:
Frankly, the only people who don't treat me any differently are my dad's relatives-- they always knew both of us were a little bit ret*d, and we always fell into that role, so nothing's changed.


You're not ret*d unless besides autism you also have a low IQ. No low IQ, no retardation.

If they view you as "ret*d" only because of autism, they're ignorant and need to be brought up to speed.


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20 Nov 2013, 8:41 pm

My mother would come to my house and instruct me to to things. Like if I haven't cleaned up or taken the trash out she would give me step by step instructions on how to do it. Even though I am 27 years old and have managed to buy a house by myself. It is embarrassing though because I do forget to do things and the steps in which I am supposed to do them. It feels like she doesn't have any faith in any of my abilities.



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21 Nov 2013, 1:41 pm

People have a tendency to tell me what things look like. "Please sit down on that red, small chair next to that large window."

People raise their voice when speaking to me. "HI, MY NAME IS *name*." And when they speak to a different person beside me, they speak in a normal volume.

People explain irony to me. I really need help with this issue. 8) Not.



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21 Nov 2013, 5:13 pm

UDG wrote:
Soccer22 wrote:
People that aren't my family members don't believe that I have aspergers, so they don't treat me any different than their other NT friends. And because they think of me as a NT, they get mad at me when I don't want to get together all the time or don't want to talk everyday. That really bothers me.


I wish my friends wanted to get together with me all the time and talk to me everyday. I think I'm likely not the only one here who would prefer that situation to their own. People rarely ask me to get together with them, and I usually have to initiate conversations. Others wanting hang out with me or talk to me might momentarily confuse me sometimes because it is unexpected, but it does suggest that the person values my friendship; which is harder to tell if I initiate the conversation. Being lonely is not fun.



I'm sorry :( I understand that it seems to be a nice thing that I get invites to things, but it's really not. I have 4 friends and they are friends that I knew before my diagnosis. When I use to get together with them I was being really fake because I was trying way too hard to make them like me. Now I just want to be me, but because they knew me as the fake person, they still expect me to be that fake person. So, don't be as jealous as you are! Seriously!



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21 Nov 2013, 8:11 pm

Ignore me, or treat me as inconsequential :(



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21 Nov 2013, 8:13 pm

Ignore me, or treat me as inconsequential :(



UDG
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21 Nov 2013, 8:41 pm

Soccer22 wrote:
UDG wrote:
Soccer22 wrote:
People that aren't my family members don't believe that I have aspergers, so they don't treat me any different than their other NT friends. And because they think of me as a NT, they get mad at me when I don't want to get together all the time or don't want to talk everyday. That really bothers me.


I wish my friends wanted to get together with me all the time and talk to me everyday. I think I'm likely not the only one here who would prefer that situation to their own. People rarely ask me to get together with them, and I usually have to initiate conversations. Others wanting hang out with me or talk to me might momentarily confuse me sometimes because it is unexpected, but it does suggest that the person values my friendship; which is harder to tell if I initiate the conversation. Being lonely is not fun.



I'm sorry :( I understand that it seems to be a nice thing that I get invites to things, but it's really not. I have 4 friends and they are friends that I knew before my diagnosis. When I use to get together with them I was being really fake because I was trying way too hard to make them like me. Now I just want to be me, but because they knew me as the fake person, they still expect me to be that fake person. So, don't be as jealous as you are! Seriously!


I didn't say I was jealous. I said it is preferable to some of the situations other members face regarding friendships. As for your problem, if you be yourself (a friendly but not fake version) around them then the problem you are complaining about, in your response, will go one way or another.



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21 Nov 2013, 11:21 pm

Codyrules37 wrote:
people dont treat u weird because you have Aspergers. They treat you weird because either you're misrepresenting yourself in a negative way or they're just bullies. The second option is the less common one because most people aren't mean to people who aren't mean to them back.


You must be doing something that's giving people a reason to be mean to you. You're just not realizing it. My suggestion is be nice and friendly to people. If you're nice and friendly to people, there won't be any good reason for people to hate you and they are more likely to see past your flaws. Kind of like the Halo effect.

Look up the halo effect on google.
Sometimes you are right but that is not always true. I have had people tell me to my face that I am a wonderful. nice, thoughtful, considerate and loving person but they could not tolerate being my friend specifically because of my Aspergian traits. And lots of people don't see past my flaws even though I am very nice to them. Sometimes my Aspie traits make others very uncomfortable and I can be as nice to them as I can possibly be and it won't make a bit of difference.


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