How do u cope with jealousy?

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In my new job I get jealous of certain people talking to one another.This happened in college, and secondary school. I don't know why I get so jealous of certain people being friends.I know it's pathetic feeling jealous and a horrible feeling so I don't want to b a jealous person anymore because and I know it's such a bad trait to have.

Any advice?

I have the same trait. I think you get jealous because it bothers you that other people have a better social life than you. That is only a bad thing if you try to separate them or something like that (I'm thinking of Dr. House...). Basically, you're telling yourself to make friends, too.

Aside from the above comment, think about things at work and college that helped instill that sense of jealousy. I.E how you approach others and how others react? How others approach you?

I think in a way I try a bit too hard when it comes to approaching someone and ask a few to many questions and am too nice and pleasant which i think starts from my early teens.I just always wanted to be liked and I hate the feeling someone might dislike me. I think acquaintances might b nervous to approach me because I tend to look serious or apprehensive at times. I think that is a shield for me at times ( so i don't get hurt emotionally because i can b quite sensitive)but the shield goes away after a awhile.I am the total opposite wit friends though.

I am usually the first to make the effort in approaching someone.As I have gotten older I have learned to smile more because looking serious and apprehensive can scare people away

The older I get the more I understand my Aspergers

And I thought I was the only one who felt like this!

I'm a very jealous person. I always have been. I think it's because I have always been ashamed of having AS, ever since the day I was diagnosed with it. The AS makes me feel unimportant and isolated. I can't handle it.

I get jealous of all my cousins for having more social opportunities than me, and the usual question ''why am I the only one with AS in my whole family?'' comes to mind all the time. I even get jealous of my friends, like if they have boyfriends. I then become competitive, like hearing one of my friends harping on about their new boyfriend, and so I quickly phone up someone who I know fancies me (but I don't fancy him) and ask him out, just so I can prove something as well. I know it sounds extremely immature but it's just how jealous I get. I really should learn not to get myself too emotionally involved in other people. But it's too damn hard!

I may have AS but that doesn't mean I dislike people or cannot connect to people. I can and will, and I always have done. I have an instinctive typical social trait in me, but the AS just gets in it's way. That's why I call AS the enemy. And yes, I also get jealous of other people at work. There's even another (very possible) Aspie who has started where I am, and even he's more chatty than me, he can speak up in groups more confidently, while I stay quiet like a timid mouse. I have learnt myself to be more relaxed in my body language, so that I don't look so tense and nervous, which could be a start.

Everyone gets jealous occasionally. It doesn't make you a "bad" person, but it can point out deficiencies in your life. I get jealous of the ease that some people have in social situations, because it's obviously something I lack.

I do it like this... Emotion Regulation via StabilizingAutism/unsolicited-advice

I do get jealous of others at work for being more able to converse a bit better than I do. I try my hardest to not stand out; I try to be upbeat, laugh at humour, smile at people, say hello or try to make small talk with people, all that sort of thing. I don't just park myself in a corner and not look at or speak to anyone and isolate myself from everyone. I even have my lunch with the others, which I enjoy. I just wish I could speak up more, and be more confident in myself. But it's harder than it sounds.

I work as a cleaner at a care home for elderly people, and there are a few other cleaners there who are a good crowd and nobody's horrible to me at all. There's even another possible Aspie who is fairly new there, but even he seems more chatty than me when it comes to speaking up in groups, although I've never seen him having lunch with anyone before.

I am also not very good at conversing with the residents. I always feel nervous and unsure when having to talk to them, which is why I try to clean their rooms whilst they are at breakfast or lunch, (the ones who sit in their rooms when not in the dining hall). All the other cleaners (not sure about the other Aspie) all seem to be able to show a little authority when entering the resident's rooms and they have this certain confident tone. I can't really explain it really.

Same here, and this is definitely true. OP, one of the things I feel that people with AS struggle with is to separate feelings that are universal - those that everyone has - and those that are specific to our unique way of thinking. Jealousy tends to be universal across people. For example, have you considered that one of the people you see at work also might be jealous of another person, even when they are acting confidently and relating well to the others there? This happens all the time - we don't think about it because others aren't talking about it.

Temple Grandin actually said she's never experienced jealousy.

Interesting...maybe it isn't as universal as I thought. I'd guess that perhaps a theory of mind/social processing deficit may contribute to the lack of experienced jealousy, as she (or others who experience this) could simply be unaware of social markers that identify other people as being "higher" or "lower" than her in terms of particular skills, thus eliminating the possibility of jealousy.

I think she's one of thouse people who are "proud" of their Asperger's – which I fail to relate to.

I have the same problem. But then I just tell myself, "You like being alone most of the time. You don't like maintaining friendships or hanging out with people other than close family members." Maybe you could also remind yourself of a reason why you don't have many friends? Not that it's a bad thing. I have few friends and I am, for the most part, happy.

I get jealous too because I want to be the one in a friendship, talking to my friends and looking like I enjoy it.

I can empathize. I have intense feelings of jealousy like that sometimes too. As another poster said , I'm okay/happy being alone but I nevertheless feel jealous. No useful advice though, sorry.