what wrong with no confidence men

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21 Jul 2013, 1:55 am

In response to Uprising. (I hope this avoids the Captcha bs.)
True confidence has more to do with the projection of your personality. It doesn't have much to do with appearance.

I've seen guys who have worked on their bodies and totally lacked personality. I've also seen guys that have had a great personality lack confidence in their physical appearance. There has to be a fine balance to be the complete package. But most part, the guys with the personalities tend to get into relationships and get married easier than the guys with the body.

GregCav
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21 Jul 2013, 2:00 am

motley wrote:

GregCav wrote:

Alfa males is probably a big generalisation. Society doesn't like them, and they can be very disruptive.

How do you define an alpha male? I think you may have misunderstood something if you equal it to a "bad boy".

My role model for Alfa male would be a foot baller. Big bold and brash (and full of themselves).

Bad boys are not so forward and in your face, but they are charming and exude confidence. They are often (not always) womanisers.

Uprising
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21 Jul 2013, 2:20 am

aspiemike wrote:

Well despite of us having AS, I think the personality thing in us can be shifted in a way better, faster and more effective way than our physiques could to be honest. (or anyones physique in this case, AS or not)

MCalavera
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21 Jul 2013, 2:29 am

spongy wrote:

Can I ask you something bill?:

Would you date a woman that refused to express her own opinions 95% of the time due to fear of upsetting you?

Would you date a woman that required you to do all the planning 95% of the time due to fear of messing things up?

Thats what no confidence men look like to women and thats why most females avoid them.

They expect to have a decent conversation with you, not talk to a wall that agrees with them 24/7

Thing is many men aren't bothered by this. I wouldn't mind dating such a woman, and I'd even encourage her to speak up more and be more assertive. This only seems to be an issue for women in general.

billiscool
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21 Jul 2013, 3:04 am

spongy wrote:

well,why aren't they dating mra guys,they never agree with women.
now would I date women you said above. sure,why not.

spongy
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21 Jul 2013, 3:32 am

billiscool wrote:

spongy wrote:

well,why aren't they dating mra guys,they never agree with women.

There is a middle ground between never expressing your opinion due to fear of upsetting her and expressing your opinion repeatedly knowing that it will upset her.

Im sure that MRAs that know where this middle ground lies do have partners

billiscool wrote:

now would I date women you said above. sure,why not.

This however is very interesting.

You have claimed through plenty of threads that you need a woman that presents all qualities attached to confidence(is a lead, does most of the planning...) yet when I point out that women are looking for the same thing you change your mind entirely.

Do you know what you want out of a partner?

spongy
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21 Jul 2013, 3:33 am

MCalavera wrote:

spongy wrote:

Thing is many men aren't bothered by this. I wouldn't mind dating such a woman, and I'd even encourage her to speak up more and be more assertive. This only seems to be an issue for women in general.

I wouldnt mind either but bill has claimed repeatedly that he needs a strong confident woman so I felt there was need to call out on the hipocresy on this thread

belladonna25
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21 Jul 2013, 9:23 am

spongy wrote:

MCalavera wrote:

spongy wrote:

Thing is many men aren't bothered by this. I wouldn't mind dating such a woman, and I'd even encourage her to speak up more and be more assertive. This only seems to be an issue for women in general.

I wouldnt mind either but bill has claimed repeatedly that he needs a strong confident woman so I felt there was need to call out on the hipocresy on this thread

I feel bill is very much an enigma...

billiscool
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21 Jul 2013, 12:09 pm

spongy wrote:

yes,I do prefer girls who take the lead,but I can also date passive girls.

Tyri0n
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21 Jul 2013, 1:23 pm

spongy wrote:

This actually sounds like many gender-conforming women. Needy, whiny, insecure ("omg! this celery stick makes me fat!!") feminine women are a pain in the butt too. But many guys still put up with them. Sadly, women as a whole are not so magnanimous.

Is it that women are simply more selfish and demanding, or is it that men just care about sex and nothing else? (then why not get a blonde blowup doll?!) If so, who is a more pathetic human being?

MCalavera
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21 Jul 2013, 2:07 pm

False dilemma, and you know it.

Dantac
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21 Jul 2013, 5:22 pm

Its more a problem of perception than actual lack of confidence.

For example, being TOO nice and attentive comes across as insecure. Even women have told me they think higher of a guy that is a douche every now and then than one that is permanently sensitive and accommodating.

...or guys that just don't like to argue. If you avoid arguments (without agreeing or caving in .. just things like 'we seem to have a difference of opinion then' type avoidance rather than argue about it) then you come across as weak/insecure.

and then there there is actual body language and voice. This is the part AS screws people up with. You can be as confident as you can possibly be but if you APPEAR to have a hard time coming up with the words or your body language does not reflect the norms of confidence.. your forehead gets the 'lack of confidence: REJECTED' stamp.

Now you know why men with drug, hygiene, temper and criminal problems tend to get a lot of girls.

Uprising
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21 Jul 2013, 5:39 pm

Dantac wrote:

And if you're being too argumentative, you'll get seen as a pretentious know it all who will just talk out of his ass in order to make himself seem like the most interesting person on the planet, whilst having nothing to offer to back it up.

And then they go on like "yeah, you're actually quite self-loving for what you actually are" followed by a "it's not because you find yourself to be the perfect guy that other people in the world would think that of you too".

Acedia
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21 Jul 2013, 6:01 pm

GregCav wrote:

Alfa males is probably a big generalisation. Society doesn't like them, and they can be very disruptive.

This is a big generalization - I don't know how many "bad boys" you know personally, but interesting is definitely not a quality I would attribute to the ones I've met and known.

GregCav wrote:

Women like the bad boys for two reasons, they are interesting

Cafeaulait wrote:

It's annoying to constantly deal with insecurity.

A very insecure guy had a crush on me when I was studying in France. He was so shy, and also about a year younger than me. When I came into the kitchen while he was cooking he got so clumsy. And that happened all the time. He couldn't look me in the eye when we were having dinner together.

It must have been very annoying when you found out he was human.

:twisted:

auntblabby
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21 Jul 2013, 6:10 pm

ASDsmom wrote:

If insecurities do take place, lets hope it'll be from the non-dominant partner so the risk isn't as damaging. Someone's got to keep the flow going!

why does there have to be a "non-dominant partner"? I thought relationships were supposed to be a pairing of equals.

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