How can I avoid the Friendzone?

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Has anybody else here been friend zoned?
Yes 71%  71%  [ 17 ]
No 29%  29%  [ 7 ]
Total votes : 24

Shadus
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30 Jul 2013, 10:18 pm

I am 16 and have had four girlfriends so far. I have also been friend zoned four times so far. How can I prevent that with my next relationship?
Note: I am going into a new school this coming year.
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billiscool
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30 Jul 2013, 10:25 pm

become creepy,women won't friendzone creepy guys.



Fnord
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30 Jul 2013, 10:32 pm

Shadus wrote:
How can I avoid the Friendzone?

Be interesting - have more going for you than just a "great personality" and being a "nice guy". Cultivate an artistic or creative talent. Get a job that enables you to live in your own place, drive your own car, buy your own clothes (and other necessities), and still have enough left over for entertaining others. Get an education - a college or university degree is best. Learn to ballroom dance, and show off what you know at someone else's wedding. Do volunteer work. Take up a hobby, like gardening or antique collecting.

And don't act desperate.



rabidmonkey4262
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30 Jul 2013, 10:39 pm

Do you have any guesses why a girl might friendzone you? Maybe you inadvertently gave her a nonverbal signal that told her you weren't interested? If you want to date an NT, it definitely helps to flirt a bit. Start safe with some smiles. If she smiles back and makes eye contact, then try some playful teasing and mild complements (nothing sexual and nothing about her body). It could be that she tried flirting with you and you didn't recognize it, therefore you didn't reciprocate. The key is to pay close attention to her body language and reciprocate with a matching level of intensity.


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Mindslave
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30 Jul 2013, 11:11 pm

Fnord wrote:
Shadus wrote:
How can I avoid the Friendzone?

Be interesting - have more going for you than just a "great personality" and being a "nice guy". Cultivate an artistic or creative talent. Get a job that enables you to live in your own place, drive your own car, buy your own clothes (and other necessities), and still have enough left over for entertaining others. Get an education - a college or university degree is best. Learn to ballroom dance, and show off what you know at someone else's wedding. Do volunteer work. Take up a hobby, like gardening or antique collecting.

And don't act desperate.


Fnord, he's 16. That's a good summary for avoiding the friendzone in general, but be reasonable.



Fnord
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30 Jul 2013, 11:16 pm

Mindslave wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Shadus wrote:
How can I avoid the Friendzone?
Be interesting - have more going for you than just a "great personality" and being a "nice guy". Cultivate an artistic or creative talent. Get a job that enables you to live in your own place, drive your own car, buy your own clothes (and other necessities), and still have enough left over for entertaining others. Get an education - a college or university degree is best. Learn to ballroom dance, and show off what you know at someone else's wedding. Do volunteer work. Take up a hobby, like gardening or antique collecting. And don't act desperate.
Fnord, he's 16. That's a good summary for avoiding the friendzone in general, but be reasonable.

I am being reasonable. Developing oneself takes time, and the sooner he gets started, the better.

Would you rather that he start developing himself when he's in his forties?



1000Knives
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30 Jul 2013, 11:33 pm

Pretty simple. Be an emotionally insensitive jerk when you listen to girl's problems, easy enough with ASD, you may have an advantage there.

Tell her how you feel ASAP. Don't prolong things out, that's where friendzone comes from. If you have strong feelings for a girl, tell her right away, don't string along. Nowadays it's hard as nobody has actual feelings and it seems the exchange is more like "hey wanna f**k?" So anyway, sooner you reveal your true feelings/intentions the better. No use in prolonging the process, she will probably not grow to like you better.

Lastly, if you get acquaintance zoned, don't treat her much differently or be nicer to her than you would a male friend. If you know there's no chance with her and she calls you up and is like "hey let's go shopping at the mall with a bunch of people" when you'd rather, I dunno, take apart engines that day, then tell her "yeah I don't wanna and would rather take apart engines today." I mean some girls if you do share hobbies and interests (this is rare) can be good actual platonic friends, but think, if the conversations with her are something you'd totally not care about if she didn't have boobs, then maybe it's not worth your time to be "friends" as you'd not be friends with a male version of her, if that makes any sense.



MXH
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30 Jul 2013, 11:50 pm

well, the most tried and tested friendzone proof piece of advice is, don't talk to or look at anyone ever again. guaranteed to work.



Acedia
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31 Jul 2013, 5:09 am

Express your intentions fast, and if she doesn't feel the same way - bail out.

Only have female acquaintances, never close or regular female friends. It's more painful to be rejected by someone you have feelings for, rather than someone you don't know particularly well.

Only date women, don't hang out with them socially.



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31 Jul 2013, 5:15 am

Get rich, get tall, get the swimmers body, wax your body hair, get famous, become a soccer player, get mainstream, get tanned, get a large dick, buy a sports car, get narcissistic,... /sarcasm (or maybe not?)



blue_bean
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31 Jul 2013, 7:07 am

Is the OP saying he's had 4 girlfriends and also four friendzoners, or is he saying he had 4 girlfriends who eventually friendzoned him?



Shatbat
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31 Jul 2013, 7:13 am

Fnord's advice is actually pretty sensible as a long-term plan. So yes, whatever you do you should get started on that.

As a shorter term one, don't let too much time pass before hitting on a woman. Which is wild advice because I do not know the circumstances of your friendzoning


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31 Jul 2013, 9:00 am

I disagree with some of the advice here mainly about not having any women on the side as friends. There are many benefits to having women as friends if your trying to better yourself to be in a relationship, they will tell you how they see things from their point of view which is how you need to look at things a lot of times. Also if you get lucky they might hook you up with some of their friends.



Tequila
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31 Jul 2013, 9:06 am

Shatbat wrote:
As a shorter term one, don't let too much time pass before hitting on a woman.


This is good advice.

What you may find is that you may be interested in a woman (and she you), but you're so nervous and reluctant to ask that by the time you do eventually make a move, she will have long, long since lost any interest.



vickygleitz
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31 Jul 2013, 10:28 am

Because of the posts I think I have a general idea what a friend zone is. I would appreciate a specific definition.



Kurgan
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31 Jul 2013, 12:44 pm

Just break contact with her if the date fails. Usually when you end up in the so-called friend zone, you rarely become real friends anyway. You'll often just become some emotional tampon she talks to on Facebook a few times every two months or so when nobody else wants to take her BS.