Are relationships worth the stress?

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Teiraa
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06 Oct 2013, 2:52 am

I'm a 20 year old Aspie, and so far my love life has been.....fruitless. Being an Aspie, I've always had a social phobia, primarily talking to girls and, to be more specific, asking one out. Social phobias aside, I guess part of my problem is I tend to go after girls with average, curvy, slim, or athletic builds. In other words, skinny chicks. No offense to morbidly obese folks, but I'd like to have a woman with both physical and emotional attractiveness. Is it wrong to want beauty, heart, and soul in one woman? I'd like to have the relationship my father had, minus the domestic abuse, of course, where she starts out thin as a rail but gains weight because of heavy stress and having children, but the emotional ties are so strong, he sees beyond her body, you know what I mean? I don't want TOO skinny or too big, I'd just like to see her womanly features, if ya know what I mean. :wink: But also a relationship where she's willing to withstand my difference in order to be with me. Another thing that, I think, holds me back is that I live with my mother and stepfather. I'm sorry, but some of the best paying jobs are in league with the Union or require college degrees. Unions will suspend you if you don't pay dues, I can't do that to my potential wife. College environments are highly social, that's stressful for me. They say love doesn't cost anything, but in a society Mr. Moneybags gets the girl, trust me, I lose every time. Which presents me with a question, is love really worth practically pulling my hair out? Is the splitting migraine worth it's cost?



LeLetch
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06 Oct 2013, 3:22 am

One soulmate, comes with common interests, non-abusive personality, love, etc. No relationship required! 4 easy payments of 19.95 etc etc.

You'll find you have things in common with the person sitting next to you. Relationships happen once you enjoy talking to a girl beside you. I don't much think of it as a decision. Unless you go on those dating websites. In which case, i don't think it's worth the dramz.

Relationships don't have 'worth' anyway. Unless you're looking for money or a girls who's a 9-10/10. I guess that's worth.

I dunno. I always find this approach strange.

Example: Seeking friend: Preferably not ugly, must like 1/3 of my interests, deep bromance required.

I mean, to some its this deep mysterious netherworld of emotions and topsey-turvey problems. I just consider relationships: friends + sex + love, where you can only do one at a time. The love is a little random, anyone can do the sex thing, and i have some pretty random friends.

There's an added level of seriousness in a relationship, but... that's about it. I dunno. I think half the fear is that it's a girl. I know im pretty awful at making friends with girls.


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Stargazer43
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06 Oct 2013, 8:12 am

With respect to your comment about jobs, since this is kind of a passionate topic for me, I wouldn't neglect an education because of the social aspects. College can be as social as you want it to be - the purpose of college is to get an education, socializing is secondary. Sure, I think that it is an important part of college since it can enhance your enjoyment to have some friends and things to do, but it is not necessary and should not hold you back.

Also, without college, there are a lot of good routes you could go in construction/maintenance areas. Welding is an extremely good field to get into, with a little training and skill you can make upwards of $100k a year. Many of these types of jobs require like 1-2 years of training, but if you don't plan on any further education, I think they are more than worth it.

On to the actual topic: even though I don't have much relationship experience, I think that they are worth the stress. Healthy relationships have been shown to significantly improve quality and outlook on life, and emotional health and well-being. They also serve as a source of inspiration, to drive you to become a better person. I never really understood what people meant when they said that until recently.

As for types of women, keep in mind that most people look for relationships with someone like themselves. So try to find women who are like you: in attractiveness, in personality, and in interests. Don't set the bar so high that you can't reach it, but don't drop it down so low that you feel like you're "settling" either.



Codyrules37
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06 Oct 2013, 9:18 am

if you cant walk up to girls who are strangers, why not walk up and talk to girls you know already? It takes a lot of willpower but once you do it the first time, it gets easier and easier. Besides, you're not getting any younger.



Stalk
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06 Oct 2013, 10:41 am

yes, they are worth it, with the right person. finding that person, presents a challenge in life, to keep us busy and forget about questions like the meaning of life. running around in circles, keeps us busy. I don't know what it would be like to be with someone that simply clicks. i'm still searching.



Mack27
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06 Oct 2013, 3:28 pm

Loneliness can creep up on you and hit you terribly hard without much warning. It's awful and it's worse than relationship stress.



FunkMasterMike
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08 Oct 2013, 2:12 am

I'm 26, and have had sex four times. My longest relationship was two months. (she broke up with me, lol) Unfortunately, only one time was with a smoking hot Latina woman, the rest were...not good. But I feel ya, I haven't much action, and don't even keep females as friends.

What do you value, freedom or having to worry about another responsibility in your life?

That's why I'm single. If I'm tired and decide to wanna sleep in the next day, If I want to play video games all night, or hit the gym at a different time than usual, nobody will question me about it. If I have only $20 to my name (with gas in the car and bills paid), and I know that I won't get paid for a week, I know I can stretch that $20 for groceries. I don't have to deal with someone telling me I smoke too much weed. :lol: (its legal here in California with a card) I don't have to worry about buying extra gifts at birthday/Christmas time. If I have a set of events planned for the day, I know I can do them uninterrupted without having someone texting/calling/bothering me when I'm trying to get stuff done. I won't have to hear about someone's problems I don't wanna' hear about. I won't have to ask my girlfriend, "What's wrong?" Then she says, "Nothing." (when something clearly is wrong) Also 99.99% of women LOVE to play games. They can't just tell it like it is. If you want something you should say so right? Guess not. ...and most of all, I enjoy being single for the fact that I only have to worry about my own problems, not about others. :roll:

But I am attracted to women, and do think to myself when I see a couple, "Man, having a girlfriend looks nice to have!".....but then I realize that I value freedom over and anchor around my ankle. I was constantly battling with myself about the whole girlfriend thing. I might decide about dating later on, as soon as I get this college/job thing started.

After taking a good look at what a girlfriend could offer...I thought to myself: Why do people chase something that is non-essential in their life? Also there is a different between being lonely and solitude.

There is no set rule that says everyone must find a significant other in this lifetime. Do what makes you happy, and screw what everyone else thinks.



Cafeaulait
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08 Oct 2013, 2:38 am

Relationships are definitely worth the disadvantages in my eyes. The companianship, the sex, the intimacy, the stability that it provides you with. Researches even show that people in relationships are generally happier.



Teiraa
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08 Oct 2013, 3:17 am

I appreciate your advice, it's good to have a place I can have at least a little peace of mind. However, I would like you guys to read my other post, Tough to trust women, I explain why I am asking this question in more detail. But anyway, thank you all for making my experience here a pleasant one.